Title: His Mega-.. what?
Rating: T for Language and Sexual Themes
Universe: G1
Pairing: Technically Megatron/Starscream, but only for embarrassment purposes
Genre: Comical
A/N: For those that don't read the real author's comments, in advance, this isn't a total romance, sex fic thing, it's comedy. But still a bit of slashy-ness :]
Just outside the Ark, the Decepticons where on there last leg. The Autobots had them pushed so far back, barely fending themselves, that the cone heads had already geared up into fleeing. Megatron and Optimus where giving each other hard hits with their respective weapons of choice, but Megatron had been backed up against a mountain and was now cornered by his opponent. Infuriated, he let out the oh-so-familiar cry.
"Decepticons! Retreat!" he roared before taking to the sky. The others didn't miss a beat into transforming into jets, or simply taking flight after their leader. Rumble and Frenzy, staying close to Soundwave's legs, let out verbal threats and blew raspberries at the Autobots below. Rumble glared down, then suddenly opened his optics wide.
"Hey Frenzy, is that Starscream?" he questioned, pointing down to a corner where the Ark met the inactive volcano. His brother cassetticon looked down to where Rumble pointed.
Close to the Ark, cornered by five Autobots and unable to escape, was the claimed seeker. Starscream was firing his null rays aimlessly at Ironhide and Jazz, and missing terribly from his panic. Ironhide retracted his hand and blew liquid nitrogen on Starscream's left leg, making the Con shriek and fall on his aft, holding his frozen leg. The poor SIC didn't even know the other Decepticons had retreated until they flew over him in their escape. Starscream's optics widened.
"M-Megatron! Wait for me!" He cried out in a frantic, igniting his boosters, inadvertently melting the ice from the bottom of his stabilizing servo. Jazz, Bumblebee and Spike laughed as Starscream struggles to get into the air with his damaged booster, barely making it over the Autobots.
"Haha! Yeah, ya go running' back to your Megatron!" Ironhide called after him, laughing alongside his fellow Autobots.
"Why dontcha go suck his-" Jazz paused. "Mega-dick!" he laughed and looked at Spike for acknowledgment he'd used the correct word. Spike laughed.
"Yeah Starscream!" the small human teenager yelled after him before the lot of Autobots burst into howling laughter. Starscream flustered and glared back at them.
"Mega.. what?" he thought sourly. "Must be a human term. Well. What's so funny!? Oh who cares. I could always look it up in the database later. Right now, my slaggin' foot.." he looked at it as he wobbled through the air. "Ugh."
The air commander sat rather comfortably in the command center, despite his current accidental injury, as Megatron had called it. The one that was his own slagging fault for being a cowardly idiot. Starscream growled to himself, a sour face began to twist onto his faceplates once again, as it had in the medical ward.
Hook had been able to thaw his leg, but he had to keep weight off of it for the next few cycles. Also, as punishment for his utter incompetence, he was to work the monitors all night long, instead of resting in stasis, which he knew Hook wanted to disagree with for his fastest recovery results, but dared not to object to Megatron. Starscream propped his leg up on part of the rather large computer board.
"Whatever. At least now I can look up that word Jazz used on me. What was it again.. deck? Dish? Ditch? Um.. dick! Yeah, that one." he said confidently, and typed the term into the computer. The result came up.
"Search: Dick. Results: 0" Starscream frowned at the screen.
"Hmph. Well, I could always connect to that um.. 'internet', and see if the humans informational network has any results." He grumbled and sent a probe up from the Pacific ocean up to a transmission satellite and tapped easily into the 'internet'.
"Alrighty, let's just see what this 'dick' is. And this time, be specific!" he smirked. Starscream went to a search bar he was pulled onto called 'Google'.
"What a ridiculous name." he thought. "Humans must be stupider than we predicted." The red seeker typed in 'human dick' in the search bar and waited a moment for the page to load.
"Hmm.. view adult rated results?" Starscream mumbled again and clicked it. "Ah! Here's a article that says 'suck' and 'dick' in the same sentence. I wonder if it's the same as 'Mega-dick' or if it was a play of Megatron and the word 'dick'. Oh well, lessee.." he shrugged and click the link.
Starscream sat there a moment and just stared at the screen. Slowly his optics widened and his mouth gaped in disgust. Stuttering at first, he started to let out a screech, getting louder until it was almost audio receptor deafening. He launched himself away from the computer board, slamming his bad leg down on the hard tile. Pain surged up through his circuits, but he just continued screaming in disgust and cursing at the horrid sight before him. Suddenly, a swooshing sound made Starscream stiffen a little and turn quickly behind him. There stood the familiar figure of his leader, Megatron.
"Starscream what in the Pit are you-!!" he paused when he cause sight of the screen, an animated image of a female human on a loop of sucking a male human's sexual organ. "Oh my- Primus! What in the name of all things Cybertronian are you looking at!?" he screamed at him on the floor. Starscream looked at him awkwardly, stammering to make words come out.
"I-I.. Jazz! H-He tricked me!!" screeched his SIC, attempting to stand, to no avail. "He told me to.." he trailed off before starting up again. "To suck your 'Mega-dick'!! So I looked up 'dick and- and.. I got this!!" he gestured to the screen.
"Ugh! He what!? Autobots are so disgusting! Well! Don't just sit there! Turn it off!!" he yelled at the immobile seeker.
"I can't! I'm not supposed to put weight on my servo, remember!?" the winged con yelled back up at him. Megatron gritted his dental plates and gripped his fingers around Starscream's neck cables.
"Turn. It. Off." he hissed, and through him onto the chair. Starscream groaned and moved to the screen, typing in a few codes. The screen shut down.
"Finally, it's-" Megatron started before pop-ups by the dozens started popping up about 'Gay Porn', 'Multiple Cum' Something or other and another thing about two girls and a cup.
"Oh Primus!!" the two Cons screamed and shielded their eyes in unison. Megatron gritted his teeth.
"Soundwave!! Get the slag in here!" he roared into his private comm., startling the communications officer who had just put Rumble and Frenzy to stasis.
"Yes, Lord Megatron." he said flatly and started on his way into the computer room. Sadly, Ramjet and Blitzwing happened to be walking by and heard Megatron and Starscream yelling and cursing in the control room. They barged right in.
"Lord Megatron! What's- HOLY FRAGGIN'-" they both started, Ramjet went silent after saying 'Megatron' though. Soundwave pushed them out of his way and stopped short, a little startled.
"My.. liege." he tried to hold his monotone. "What do.. you require of me?" Soundwave attempted to keep his eyes on his leader. Megatron growled.
"Shut down the system and fix it for the love of fragging Primus!!" he commanded angrily before pushing and pulling his Decepticons out of the room, dragging Starscream by his bad foot, earning him a few lovely remarks and curses. Soundwave watched them go and then turned to the computer.
"As.. you command, Megatron." he tried not to groan, and sat into the chair.