Beca makes her way down the corridor to Chloe's apartment, heart pounding in her chest and knocks firmly with trembling hands. She hears Chloe moving towards the door and looks up at Chloe's beaming smile as the door opens.
"Beca? Come in, come in! What are you doing here? You're too early still!" Chloe laughs, wide and open, as she closes the door after Beca enters and gestures towards the couch. They sit together and Chloe moves to hold Beca's hand, the same way they've sat for years, with Chloe waiting for Beca to say what's on her mind.
"I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified," Beca blurts out. The air grows thick with tension and Chloe stares blankly at her. "If there's any chance for us, please, cancel today." Beca places her hand softly Chloe's knee.
"Please don't do this." Chloe's voice is a whisper but Beca keeps going, sure this is the last time she'll ever have enough courage to address what's been growing between them for years, growing strong even through Beca's cowardice and pure incompetence.
"Please, Chloe, just listen. I - I've loved you for so long and…"
"And what?" Chloe interrupts and Beca falls silent, courage failing her now that she's been cut off. "You do know that I'm getting married, right? Today is my engagement party. People are coming over in a few hours to celebrate with me."
"I... I know that this isn't a good time," Beca says sheepishly. Chloe yanks her hand away from hers and Beca looks away, dejected.
"A good time? A good time?" Chloe stands and flings her hands up into the air, exasperated, and whirls around to face Beca. "You've had years. So many years where I thought maybe, maybe, this would be the year you finally see what's between us, see me. Instead you wait until now, now that I'm finally moving on and come here to do what? What is this, Beca?" Chloe jabs her finger into Beca's shoulder and Beca looks up at Chloe's face, feeling like she's finally seeing it for the first time. Chloe's eyes are bright with unshed tears and a smidge of anger but mostly she sees hurt, the same hurt Beca's been running away from.
"I'm sorry," Beca begins but stops at the glare Chloe shoots her.
"God, Beca." Chloe grabs her hair in frustration. "God, I hate you so much sometimes." She starts to chuckle but it quickly turns into soft sobs and Chloe drops her head into her hands. "I don't know why I let you do this to me. I must be so stupid. I hate how much I've wanted this to happen. I've dreamed about this happening and God, I hate myself for it."
Beca tentatively stands and grabs a tissue for Chloe, who thanks her quietly before blowing her nose. As Beca watches Chloe attempt to compose herself, she thinks maybe she hates herself a little too. She knows she's been selfish, and if she's being honest with herself, unkind (unkind to Chloe, who's sacrificed so many relationships so Beca would be comfortable). She had let herself believe their relationship (not quite friends but not quite more) would never change and Beca would be able to have Chloe's quiet, unassuming love without having to ever address her own.
"He's a good man," Chloe finally whispers, the silence getting to her. "He treats me well."
"I'm glad."
Beca is quiet, lost in words to say. She'd been so sure of this before she came to see Chloe, so sure of how she feels and now is drowning in regrets, both past and present. She wants to run and hide, burying her sorrow in the sanctity of her bed.
"Look, I'm just going to go now and I'll see you in a few hours to celebrate with you two."
Beca's moving to the front door when Chloe stops her. Her voice is gentle. "I don't know how to trust you anymore."
Beca nods and sniffs, refusing to let her own tears fall.
"... but I can learn."
Beca stops and turns back to see Chloe moving towards her, stopping when she's right in front of Beca, a few inches between them.
Chloe continues. "But I can't do this with you anymore, okay? I can't be wondering how you feel or if you're going to shut me out. If you're in this, I need you to be in this with me, all the time. I need you to tell me if you're scared or if you're lonely. I need you to talk to me."
Beca nods but looks down at her feet. "I can do that. I mean, I'll do that."
Chloe reaches out and places her hand on Beca's chin. She gently tilts Beca's head up so she can look into Beca's eyes. "Tell me what you're thinking now."
Beca tries to avert her eyes but the look in Chloe's eyes won't let her (Don't let me down, Beca. Not again. Not here. Not now when we're on the edge of something new.) The room goes tense and Chloe starts to look disheartened but Beca knows instinctively this is her last chance with Chloe, her last chance to make her believe she can change (her last chance to show Chloe she wants to change). "I don't deserve you."
Chloe smiles gently at the softly spoken words. "No, you don't." Beca tries not to show how much that hurts, those words from Chloe of all people, who's always been on her side, but she knows it's also the truth. "But you could learn."
"We would be good together, right?" Beca asks softly. (I'll be good to you, right?)
Chloe grabs Beca's hands and leans in to rests her forehead on Beca's. It feels like a promise, a new beginning. "... Yes, Beca. We would be so good."