Ex-Girlfriends Suck

by T'Liana

Naruto got dumped by Sakura and he writes a song to beautify her. But his twin sister, Naruko, who'd never liked Sakura, has other ideas. I borrowed the song "Ex-Girlfriends Suck" from Paint, a YouTuber, and you should definitely check out the video!

No, the song is not mine. But it's a great song and fits in perfectly with a lovesick Naruto and annoyed Naruko. Oh, and to quote Captain America, LANGUAGE! There will be a bad word because there's a bad word in the song. I'd also recommend listening to the song before reading to this, because then you'll know how the tune goes. Enjoy!

Italics = Naruto

Bold = Naruko

o.O.o

Ex-Girlfriends Suck

Hi! It's Naruto here! I'd like to sing a song dedicated to Sakura Haruno, the most beautiful girl in the world.

Get stuffed Naruto!

Naruko! SHUT UP! I'm trying to record!

Hi! Naruko here. I'd really like to hear this song my brother wrote. And honestly, Sakura is a bitch.

Naruko!

What? She is. And you're totally whipped. It's embarrassing.

Never mind… on with the song.

Piano intro!

I love your hair, your smile, your clothes

I love your cankles and your elephant nose

I love your freckles and your eyes

Don't forget about her thunder thighs

Girl, did it hurt when you fell from heaven

It hurt, she landed from her face

Girl, I need to put you on my 'to do list'

Or my hit list, whichever really works

If you were a booger I'd pick you first

Well I'd lick you first

Piano halts.

EW! That's gross!

I'd lick her, as in PUNCH HER IN THE FACE! Might make her look prettier.

Piano continues.

Girl you're everything I (don't) want

You're everything I (don't) need

Without you I can barely (finally) breathe

You're so fat

You got arrested at the airport for 10 pounds of crack

Not even Clinton would sleep with you

When trucks back up they beep like you

And no one wants to be with you

I never want to see you again

You're like the elephant man

It looks like you seriously stopped a van with your face

Your face is like the sun

Yep, it burns my retinas

You've got beautiful puppy dog eyes

Maybe you should go to the vet

You smell like a pig and you look like a fish

If you were a cow I'd put you right on a dish

You're crazy like a monkey you belong in the zoo

If you were a horse I'd turn you right into glue

Your eyes are like a pond in which the fish of beauty swim

You have a moustache like my dad's, you really need a trim

All I really wanted to say

Is I love (hate) you

Piano ends.

I HOPE YOU DIE YOU STUPID BITCH!

Naruko!