Chapter 1: Sammy's Fear of Rejection
Dreams in italics
'Dean, god you really do love me, don't you'
'Yes Sammy, until the end of time, I will never leave your side'
'I must be dreaming'
'Does this feel like your dreaming'
And with that Dean started to stroke Sam's cock
'Oh, god Dean don't stop'
'What makes you think I will ever stop'
And Dean stopped stroking Sam and started to suck his cock
'DEAN!!! Don't stop'
And within a matter of minutes Sam blew a load of cum all inside Dean's AWAITING MOUTH
"Sammy?, Sammy, please wake up"
"What's up Dean?"
"You were moaning my name and thrashing about in your sleep"
At that Sam froze
"What were you dreaming about?" Dean Queried
Sam hung his head
"Dean, can we please not talk about it please?"
"Why not Sam, is there something you are not telling me?"
"Maybe there is Dean, but can we please leave it until morning."
"Okay, I suppose Sam, it can wait until morning"
"Thanks and night Dean."
"Yeah nite Sam."
'I am going to find out what is going on with you one way or another'
Next Morning
Sam got up earlier than dean, and decided to go and have a shower
'God, what have I gotten myself into this time, if he finds out he will disown me, beat me and hate me, or he may even leave me, that is the worst case scenario'
Then Sam decided that he needed relief from all of the pain that he was feeling within, then he saw the razor sitting there on the side of the sink.
'Sam, come on you know that Dean will never return your feelings, just do it, end it now'
Sam switched the water temp from warm to cold, and sat down in the shower and started to bawl his eyes out, feeling his world come crashing down around him.
'You're right, Sam admitted to himself feeling defeated, Dean would be much better off without me' and with that shocking revelation Sam made three slits on his wrists and just let it bleed out into the shower
Around that moment Dean started to stir and felt the need to take a piss
He walked in on Sam and was scared by the sight that he saw, and immediately turned off the cold water.
"Sam, what the hell were you thinking?"
"That you would be better off without me, I am a sick freak and I am going to hell, you can live a better life without me, please just let me die."
"Samuel Winchester! How can you even think that, I am nothing without you, and what makes you a sick freak?"
"I...I... I can't say it I am sorry Dean" Sam started sobbing hysterically
"Ssh Sammy, it is okay I could never think anything less of you, now come on lets go back to bed and warm you up, before you catch your death, but first please let me bandage your cuts, please Sammy"
"But Dean, I can't I don't deserve to live, because I am gay." Sam's sobbing intensified
"So you think that you are the only one who likes men, well I am too."
"Okay Dean, let's go"
'I know that something else is bothering you Sam and I am going to find out what'
After Dean finished bandaging Sam's cuts, and made sure that Sam knew how much he meant to Dean, and also how Dean is nothing without his brother, but at the same time not letting Sam know the full extent of how much he actually loved him
Noon
Both Sam and Dean started to stir
"Look Sam, I know that there is something that you are not telling me, now what is it?"
"Dean, I will tell you, but you will have to promise that you will not hurt me please?"
"Yes Sam, I promise not to hurt you."
"Dean, I love you"
"I love you too Sam."
"No Dean, I Love You."
"Oh you mean.."
"I am so sorry"
"I have to go out" Dean suddenly said
'What have I done.'
Sam went and had another 'shower' all cold water, crying and deciding what he should do next, the thought that popped into his mind was suicide, despite what Dean had told him earlier, Sam felt like he had nothing left whatsoever. With his decision made Sam got out of the shower and got one of the razor blades from the shower cabinet, and reopened the cuts he made on his wrist earlier on the day, and upon completion of the third cut passed out.
At the moment Dean came back into the motel room and upon hearing Sam falling down with a thud and rushed into the bathroom.
"SAM, please don't leave me, I love you too much." Dean was now crying uncontrollably
"Dean, what are you doing here, kicking me while I am down, but it won't change what I feel for you, I will love you forever and always, please Dean, don't dwell on my death, but know that I don't blame you in the slightest for what happened, I should have just kept these thoughts to myself."
"No, Sammy I need you more than you realise, please don't leave me"
While Sam was babbling on, Dean was bandaging up his cuts
"Ssh Sam, everything is going to be okay, I love you too."
"You are only saying that to keep me alive."
"No I am not and I am going to prove it to you."
"Nothing you can say or do c..."
Sam was cut off mid sentence when Dean kissed him hard
"You really do care about me don't you Dean, I am sorry that I doubted you."
"You should know that nothing could ever make me hate you."
"Okay, Dean lets go to bed, I am really tired after everything that had happened."
"Do you want to sleep with me tonight after everything that has happened?"
"Is it really a good idea, what if dad comes back early from his hunt?"
"Then we will deal with that when it comes, okay."
"In that case I take you up on your offer."
That evening
"Dean, wake up, you big gluts" Sam said concerned
"What is it Sam?" Dean asked worriedly
"Dean, you remember when I tried to kill myself earlier"
"Yeah" Dean asked increasingly worried
"When we were sleeping, something happened and they were reopened and they are bleeding everywhere."
"God, Sam what were you thinking when you done that to yourself"
"That you would be better off without me." Sam said obviously feeling extremely guilty
"Are you still tired, baby brother?"
"Not that much, I think that we should maybe get some food though considering that we haven't had anything to eat today, and it is tea time"
"Yeah, I suppose that you are right, what do you feel like?"
"I dunno, just something like a sandwich, is that okay for you?"
"Yeah sounds alright to me."
Later that night, during tea
"Sam?"
"Yeah, Dean?"
"What made you think that I would want you gone out of my life?"
"Well I mostly think that it was because of the fact that I thought that I was a sick twisted fuck, and that I hated myself"
"Okay, Sam I think that I am starting to understand it now."
"Dean, how would feel if I said that tonight I would like to 'make love' to you?"
"Are you sure, Sam? Have you ever been bottom, or for that matter with a guy?"
"No, Dean have you?" Sam asked feeling his cheeks reddening 'Well that is not really the truth, but Dean wouldn't believe me if I told him the truth.' Sam thought
"Yes, once." Now Dean was the one reddening
"Yes I think that I am ready I trust you."
"Later then, after tea."
While Dean, was not paying attention Sam got under the table and carefully unzipped Dean's jeans and released it from its confines
"Sam, what are you doooooooooooooing"
At that moment Sam took Dean's cock into his mouth
"God, Sammy keep going, like that and I won't last long" Dean moaned out throatily
Sam just kept on sucking and licking Dean like a lolly pop
"Sammmmmmmy, gonna come."
Dean was just about to come and he pulled Sam's head back to not choke him with his spunk
"Sammy that was just wow." Dean said breathlessly
"You are so fucking big, brother" Sam said through a hurt jaw
"Well don't you know it, baby brother" Dean replied
"You still up for some more late night fun, Deanie?"
"Sure, Sammy and don't you dare call me Deanie ever again, understand?"
"Yes, sir"
They just sat and watched television for the remainder of the night
"Sammy?"
"What, Dean?"
"Are you sure that you really want to do this, tonight anyway?"
"I really don't know anymore, how about I sleep on it, and I will tell you tomorrow"
"Okay, and I am glad, I didn't want to push you into anything that you didn't feel ready for, but would it still be alright if we slept together, I am so sick of feeling lonely?"
"Yeah, Dean it will feel good to actually feel loved again, and have some feeling of self worth."