Real to you
There you are, sleeping, like always. You're always sleeping. Sometime I wonder if you'll ever wake up. Your friend was right about you. You're so lazy…
I glance down at my feet and smile slightly. I did… I am doing… like you asked. Slowly but surely, the chain of your memories is becoming reconnected… your old memories.
…You probably hate me.
Of course you do. Your heart might make you lie about this to me, but I'm sure your head tells you the truth.
And it's all my fault. I lied to you, manipulated you, gave you all those false memories of me. It was because Marluxia and Larxene told me to, but I… I didn't fight them, didn't try to go against them.
Worst of all, I wanted to. I wanted you to "remember" me…
All my life, I've lived in Castle Oblivion. I barely even left my room. The only people I ever knew were Marluxia and Larxene, or other members of the Organization. I never knew a real person…
I was never in anyone's heart.
No-one ever cared for me, no-one saw me as more than a puppet, a doll, a tool. No-one would sacrifice themselves to save me.
No-one has any fond memories of me… or I of them. I've always been here, alone and lonely.
That's why… That's why I was willing to hurt you, Sora.
The memories I gave you were fake, but… they were all I had. I wanted so much to believe them. More than I ever wanted anything… I wanted…
I wanted to be real. I wanted you to see me as real, not the worthless girl I really am.
If Marluxia wouldn't have caught on and stopped me, I would have liked nothing more than to insert those memories into my own heart, to forget the pain of the past, to be the girl you remembered from your childhood. It would be so wonderful… but it would be a lie.
So it's a lie! What's wrong with that? Soon, you would care for me really, and I… I had already loved you.
It was wrong of me, but while I rewrote your memories… I let myself fall in love. I couldn't help it, you were so bright, so strong, so brave… it felt like the light had finally reached me, through my life incased in darkness.
But the light wasn't to be mine.
I needed a hero to come and save me. And there you showed up, with a heart full of determination and love. I wanted you to be that hero. Was there a reason you couldn't? There wasn't any, except… except there was another girl who already held your heart.
I felt the oddest mixture of guilt and happiness as I slowly replaced her in your memories. She was your light, wasn't she? Just as you are mine…
Why does your heart have to belong to her? What made you fall in love with her?
…Or, did you? You felt close to her, but… but it was her heart that was yours, not the other way around.
But could you really give up your love of her, only for me? Of course not. No-one would do that, not for me…
But then you did something that surprised me. Even once you learned that you had no obligation to care for me, that I had manipulated you to do so, you still were willing to give your life to protect me. Why? Why would you do something like that… for someone like me? Even after knowing the danger… knowing that I wasn't worth it… you wouldn't let me get hurt.
Could it be… you loved me too? But that can't be, after all I did, there was no way you could love me.
Is there?
…No, of course not. I'd just be fooling myself if I thought that.
However, despite that, I can feel the smile that had faded during my musings return to my face.
And, even during your sleep, you seemed to smile back.
Authors Notes: Well, this is my first SoraXNamine fic! This has grown to be my absolutely favorite Kingdom Hearts pairing. I hope you all liked it, and I hope to write more for them in the future!