Warning- contains DA2 spoilers.
All characters belong to EA and Bioware. Just to make it clear, because I don't want to spark a discussion on the subject, I don't condone of Anders' actions (or of any similar actions), I just thought this was an interesting part of the story to write about.
The Plight of Mages
It's too late. As he closes the door behind him he's left her for the last time, and she doesn't even know it.
Here in Kirkwall is where it will end. The sun has begun to set in the horizon, and the sound of each step he takes through the streets bounces against the building to become an echo within the Hightown walls. The only people out are a few guards patrolling the streets.
A day from now, the world will be different. Kirkwall, most of all. In one tiny corner of Thedas, change will have come. And while a part of him still hesitates, Justice will not turn back.
From where he is he can see the Gallows, a prison about to be broken, slaves about to be set free, the statues looming black and grey above the courtyard.
She almost talked him out of it. For a moment, right when it dawned on him that this would be the end, that this was him leaving her, that moment he had been prepared to call it all off. He would have, had Justice let him. But it is Justice that will bring this plan to close. While Justice breaks the chains and sets the world in motion, he will only be the spectator. Justice will be the one who brings about the chaos necessary for change, for rebuilding this city of corruption from the ground, fair, just, and free from oppression.
When he fused with Justice, there was no Hawke. And with Justice, there's no room for her, as much as he'd want there to be. At times he thinks she might be the sole thing that keeps the human part of him alive. Without her he can barely tell who he is anymore. Without her, everything is Justice and the glowing blue light that fills his mind when Justice pushes Anders aside and takes over completely.
At places this town is closer to the Fade than he ever was in Ferelden. He can feel it as he walks through the alleys. He usually notices it especially in Darktown, but even here in Hightown there are places where he can sense it. The air shifts, it trembles with a vague power, and there are some places where Justice awakens every time. These shackles where made to break in Kirkwall. This world has waited for them to lose their hold. He will be the first. And as this Circle breaks, others will follow. In his mind he can see it spread through Ferelden, a chain of fire, cleansing the oppression of the Templars, setting every mage free to live their lives with the gifts the Maker gave them. Free to leave, free to lead. Free to follow, if they wish to, but mainly free to be.
This cause he joined so many years ago, this is the climax. This is the first real step towards the goal, everything else was just preparation. He and Justice will tear these walls down. This is the struggle he's been set on, the one he took on. This is the dream he's had. This is the cause he volunteered for by taking Justice in. This is what he wants. And the only thing Justice wants. But in these places where the veil is thin, where Justice stirs and takes over, he goes somewhere else. He goes to Amaranthine, where the sun is setting over the Keep and courtyard and where he's putting a bowl of cream down for Ser Pounce-a-lot. He goes to the nights he stayed up talking and drinking with the Warden, the Hero of Ferelden, the Queen of Ferelden, before she headed back to Denerim, to the only time in the Wardens he ever enjoyed. He goes to the first steps he took outside the Circle since being brought there, when the sun touched his skin and the muddy fields of Ferelden stretched out before him with no end to them, not a Templar in sight. When he was free, the first time he was ever truly free. And he goes to Hawke's house, Hawke's bed, to the darkness of Hawke's bedchamber, to the hot and damp air that fills the room, where all he can hear is the shivering of her breath as he draws her closer, as he kisses her neck, to where she whispers his name so quietly he can only hear it because her lips are right next to him and where he enters her. To where he wraps her body completely in his arms, where she's so close to him he can't tell where he ends and she begins. To where he would stay forever, if Justice would only let him.
And then the Fade flickers and disappears, and he's still in the middle of Kirkwall, still heading back to the clinic, and everything is far, far too late.