I'm happy with Allison. For the first time in many long years, I have someone who loves me for who I am, someone who gives me everything I might possibly need. She takes care of me, even when I refuse to admit I need to be taken care of. And she lets me take care of her, to boost my ego and convince me I can still be responsible for someone.
That's all I want to think of right now. I know this joy will end. I hope it will be later rather than sooner, but I know it's bound to happen. Still, I don't want to think about the future. I don't want to acknowlege the fact that I'll die and leave her alone, and even worse, that I'll make her suffer even before I go.
I'm trying to live in the present. I am actually trying to live.