Stay With Me

Headcanon #665: Leo was always the happy-go-lucky funny guy, he could never be sad or upset around the crew. Every night he'd hide in the control room of the Argo and let it out, he'd punch the wall or cry or just scream. Nico heard every night, and it broke his heart every time to hear the one he loved hurting.

x-x-x

Nico's POV

It kills me. It really does.

Every night, it happens. I don't know what's worse, the memories I got from Tartarus, or the pounding I hear through me walls.

That pounding is Leo.

I try to block him out, but it's impossible. He's loud; he punches the walls, he screams, he cries, and I can't bring myself to approach him.

It's my cowardice. Not my pride. I don't have any of that.

It would be easier if it was anyone else on the ship, anyone.

But the gods just love to make things hard for me.

Because if it weren't for them, the boy I love wouldn't have to cry and scream and hurt himself over things out of his control.

I lay in bed, waiting for whatever sounds of grief to trickle in through the thin walls.

Last night, it was screaming. Endless, torturous yelling from midnight to six o'clock in the morning. Nobody else could hear it, only me.

This morning, his throat was raw and his voice was scratchy. Everybody on the ship asked him what happened, but he just said he didn't know with a smile. The smile was fake and forced. I know because I often have to smile like that.

He's dug himself into a grave full of false happiness and humor. Unlike me, he can't openly display his sadness and turmoil. I'm a child of Hades, so it's only typical. His case is special. It's probably worse than mine.

Finally, I hear it.

His sobs are almost silent. It's quieter than I've ever heard him cry before, and it makes my heart wrench even more. It's barely audible, but my ears pick up every sob, every struggled breath, every tear as it hits the floor.

I turn in my bed to face the other direction, pull the blanket up over my head, then hold another pillow over my ears. The sound is gone, but I know it's still there. Whether I hear it or not, he's still right next to me, crying, without knowing that I can hear everything.

I realize that I know things about him that nobody else does, because nobody else should know. I know that he's jealous of Piper, who likes Jason and who Jason likes back. I know how much he used to like Jason, and that made my blood boil even more. I know that he just wants Frank to like him and treat him as an equal. I know that he doesn't really have a crush on Hazel, and he just wants her to know that. I know that he's jealous of Percy because everybody loves and worships him. I know that he envies Annabeth's brain and wishes he could be more like her, instead of the person he really is. I know that he feels like the seventh wheel, the pariah, the outcast. I understand every single thing he's sad about, because I feel all of that, too.

I remember hearing Jason talk about how he was Leo's best friend a while back, and a shudder runs down my spine. You don't know him, not really. You know the outer layers of him, but not the actual core. If you really knew him, you'd see how much he suffers because of you. He loved you, Jason Grace, because the Mist memories led him on. You don't even know.

A pound against my wall makes me jump. I climb out of my cocoon of blankets and pillows and look back in Leo's direction.

It was a single, weak smack. His sobs are louder now and he sucks in breaths loudly, trying to calm himself down so that he can get in oxygen.

I can imagine him now, keeled over, one arm clutching his wheezing chest, one hiding his face even though nobody can come in to see his tears.

The thought of him makes me want to sob myself, but I hold it in. Even though Leo can't see me, I have to be strong. He hides it with humor, I hide it with cold heartedness. Even though all I want to do is save him from drowning in his own tears and hug him and kiss him until he's breathless for the right reason and whisper that everything will be okay.

But I can't.

I clench my fists, bite my lips.

I can't.

I see crescent shaped indents in my palms from my nails.

Don't be weak, you can't.

I taste blood in my mouth and wipe it away.

I can and there's nobody who can stop me.

I stand up, making up my mind, not caring that my lip is bleeding, that I'm pale as a sheet, that I have no muscle, that I'm not at all what Leo needs or wants, and fling open my door.

I step through and grab the door handle to the control room.

I hear a stifled cry, then silence, and I pause.

Should I?

No. I shouldn't.

Yes. I'm going.

I push the door open.

As I suspected, Leo's sitting on the ground, both hands covering his face. He hunches into a little ball, shaking slightly.

I feel like an idiot for intruding now. I stop myself from turning heel and running, like I always do when something goes wrong, because it's not only me that I'll effect by doing so. In fact, it'll make things for Leo worse. I can't be selfish, especially when he's on the line.

I take a couple of strides to get to him, then kneel down.

"What do you want? Come to gloat?" He says sharply, his voice muffled and face still hidden.

I open my mouth, a nasty retort on my lips, before reminding myself not to hurt him anymore. It stings to know that he thinks I'm that type of person, but it occurs to me that he doesn't know anything about me besides me being 'Death Boy.'

"No. I just wanted to know if you were okay." I say stiffly.

"I'm fine." Leo answers shortly.

"Don't lie." I immediately say, shuffling over so that we're shoulder-to-shoulder.

"I'm not lying. It's just something stupid. I'll get over it." He snaps, his intentions being to get me to leave so that he can be embarrassed in solitude.

"No, you're not. I hear you every night, you know. I know what's troubling you." I inform him.

His shoulders stiffen and tighten and his body squeezes together impossibly tighter. Then, the sobs come again, in between quiet and loud, but just as heartbreaking.

I know this is my time to comfort, and I wrap my arm around his shoulder, scooting closer to him.

He lets out another sniffle as he all but climbs into my lap, clutching my skinny chest like if he lets go, he'll fall into an abyss and won't be able to find his way out. This is how I felt back in Tartarus. I didn't have anybody there, and now I fully understand the importance of being here for Leo. I wrap my hands around his tiny waist just as tightly and worm my face into his neck. He cries into my hair. I can feel his tears trickling down my scalp and dripping onto my neck, through my Aviator jacket, running down my back, and I don't care.

After an hour, my body goes numb and falls asleep, and his loud cries have turned into quieted sniffles.

"How about now? Are you okay?" I ask finally.

He pulls away to see me. Leo's face is puffy, his eyes are red, and tear tracks run down his cheeks. I've never seen him more vulnerable. Or more beautiful.

"You know what would make me okay?" He whispers brokenly.

"What?" I say.

"Someone like you to be with me forever. As cheesy and cliché as it sounds. I like you a lot, Nico. Stay with me." He buries his face into my neck again and my cheeks burn.

"I'll stay." I say simply.

"Not like that, you know." Leo says, retracting himself to look at me again.

"Like what?" I ask, hoping I don't sound as eager as I think I do. Hey, I've been in close quarters with the guy I love for the past hour, the chance that he likes me back now have increased insanely.

"You know what I mean." He smiles, a small, but an I'm-getting-better kind of smile.

Then, he connects his lips to mine and my heart explodes. I sigh contently and fist my hands into his brown curls. We move our lips in sync with another and I hope he doesn't taste blood from earlier. If he does, he doesn't seem to care. Leo's hands ghost over my skin from my hips to my ribcage and he slowly lays us back onto the ground so that he's laying on top of each other. The floor is hard and cold against the back of my neck, but I'm kissing Leo, so that's really the last thing I'm thinking about. I can't even begin to describe how I feel right now.

We pull away finally, our breathing labored.

"Before you ask, the answer is yes." Leo says, a shy smile lighting his face.

I stare at him, trying to figure out his cryptic answer.

"I'm okay now. As long as you're here." He says.

"Good." I say, unsure of what to make of everything.

He gets off of my lap, then holds his hand out to me. I take it and he hauls me up with surprising strength.

"Can we go to your room?" Leo asks almost timidly.

I nod and we walk hand-in-hand to my bed. We crawl in, him wrapping his arms around my waist, and mine around his neck. He nestles into my embrace and is snoring loudly in minutes.

"Stay with me, Leo." I murmur into his curls before falling asleep, too.

x-x-x

The next morning, he's still there. I wake with a rare smile on my face. I hope more days begin like this.

x-x-x

I'm trash. This is trash. I saw the Headcanon and I was like HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO GOOD, ANGST, YES! Then when I sat down to write it, this came out. It's awfully repetitive. I'm ashamed. I'm posting it anyways. To hell with this. I hope you like this piece of rubbish. :)