Obsession

Chapter 1

Alright so I swore I wouldn't post this until I finished at least one of my other three stories but...I couldn't help it I've been keeping this back for almost a month now and I've been dying to post it. This story is RoyXEd, although I guess it's going to be a bit closer to parental just because I'm not writing any lemon or anything. As of now the rating is a blanket rating.

Beautiful Fiction is the beta for this chapter. If you haven't read any of her work I strongly suggest it.

Sometimes, things happen that temporarily stop time in its tracks. The entire world holds its breath, as if it can hardly believe what has happened, frozen in an eternity of shock. Yet nothing can remain motionless for long. Soon enough, the horror fades. It melts into sorrow and pain, and life goes on. The clock keeps ticking and the sick circles of life dance on. At least for most it does, but not for all.

There are some people who are incapable of moving forward from such an incident. They live a cursed life, watching that one instant over and over again. Guilt consumes them as they delude themselves into thinking they could have stopped it from happening and saved what was dearest to them.

This is the key to what some may call insanity. However, there is a different word that is even more suiting. This is the birth place of obsession.

It had been one year - one long, cold year since the world had stopped for Roy. He wasn't even sure why it had affected him so much. Why had it hit him so hard? Why was that one day the one he remembered more than any other in his life? More so than the promotion that had followed or the time he'd shot the Rockbell's - the day he had lost Ed was forever burned into his skull.

He remembered the sensation of his skin and veins being torn apart by the sharp tip of the Fuhrer's blade, the shock as he'd watch the man nearly strangle his own son, the grim relief as he'd watched the monster slowly dissolve into nothingness, and then there had been the cursed bullet. If it hadn't been for Hawkeye, he would have been dead. The pain of it colliding with his body had been the worst he'd ever felt…at least that's what he'd thought at the time.

Still he had ignored it all, because of the feeling in his gut. He had fought against Hawkeye, trying to go after Ed. She had told him it was pointless and that he was too hurt to fight. The worst part was he had known she was right. Still, did that mean he should just give up? Could he trust Edward to take care of himself and to bring himself back home? Knowing he had no other choice, the man had put his faith in the boy and allowed himself to be driven to a hospital to wait.

If only he had gone. Some part of his mind was wrapped around the thought that, if he had, Ed would still be standing here now. It was strange how he'd never realized how much he had cared about the alchemist until he had been torn away from his life, but now he knew the truth. He'd give anything to have Fullmetal back.

If there was one consolation, it was that Ed had gotten what he had wanted. Alphonse's young innocent questions had been hard to take; the kid had been confused, demanding to know his brother's whereabouts and no one had been exactly sure how to answer. Meanwhile, the girl from Lior – Rose – had told them what had happened. Roy had been close to tears and, although he'd deny it now, for once he had lost control of his mask. After hearing Rose's story he had realized something. The situation was so typical, so beautifully Edward and so bitterly unfair.

A part of Roy was convinced the boy was dead. That side of him knew that there was nothing that could keep Edward away from Al, nothing but death. The other, stronger him refused to accept that. No, Edward had a long life ahead of him - one Mustang forced himself to believe in. Alphonse believed in it too and Roy was determined to give it back to him. The only question was what was strong enough to keep Edward away?

The thought vanished as he found himself out the towering building that he called hell. It was work -the military headquarters - and used to be the center of his life. Now, however it was tainted with memories of Edward. Man he was losing it…he was so fucking pathetic that he disgusted himself. The dark-haired man shook head and slowly slid his mask back onto his face. It was time for the broken Roy to slip away into the dark and allow the confident General Mustang to make his appearance.

Without hesitating, he walked up the white steps at a slow but even pace. He made sure his steps were steady and concentrated on one thing, moving forward. After all, he was sure that's what Ed would have wanted, not that the alchemist had any concerns about him. His gloved hands swished quietly against the fabric of his uniform as they made their way into his pockets. That gesture had quickly become a habit of his after That Day (as he called it in his head) simply because he hadn't been able to stand looking at his hands. By the time he reached the top he was exhausted and had to pause to catch his breath. He was still frustrated at how weak his own body was, even if it was to be expected.

Eventually, he made it to his office – in one piece might he add – only to hesitate outside the door. He stared at the dark wood blankly, preparing his mind for those who waited on the other side. They knew him best and because of that they'd become annoyingly skillful at reading behind his shield. Composure was important now, because he knew that they all looked up toward him for advice. Silly really, considering he was the one falling apart at the seams.

Suddenly, he heard a loud crash from the other side of the door. The scuffle of feet soon followed and the sound of men whimpering and a woman yelling. Roy rolled his eyes, almost deciding to turn around and go find a closet or something to hide in. By now, he knew that effort was futile. No matter where he went Hawkeye always managed to track him down. She made escaping that god-forsaken paper work rather difficult.

The guys all talked about her behind her back, trying to figure out how she did it. Someone, he believed Havoc, had introduced them to the idea that Hawkeye was in fact some sort of chimera and that she and her superior senses literally sniffed Mustang out. Even he had to admit the idea was terrifying, and none of the men ever really looked at her the same way again.

He opened the door and groaned to himself as he spotted the patented Hawkeye glare. Her eyes gleamed dangerously and her arms were crossed across her chest. Her gun shone ominously in the light, a silent, but oh-so-real threat. Her posture was more tense than usual, and that was saying something. If he had to guess, Roy would have said Mother Nature was being rather unkind to Riza at the moment. Of course, he knew better than to speak such words out loud, at least not if he valued his life - or his dignity. He could see the headlines now "Flame Alchemist 'Hero of Ishbal'– Shot Down by Crazed Subordinate".

With that gruesome thought in his head, he turned to Riza cautiously. A small smile played on his lips as he spoke. "I was going to say good morning, but I suppose that'd be inappropriate in this situation. What exactly happened?" His eyes trailed over the room, fully taking everything in. It looked like a tornado had spun through the office, tossing random objects to the side. Nothing had escaped its mercy, and it took him awhile to find the rest of his team.

The guys were all shamefully hidden behind what could most easily be described as a fort of furniture. The top of their heads were visible just above the edges of the couch and chairs, their wide fear-filled eyes clearly visible. At the sight of Roy, Havoc poked his head up further and draped his arm over the back of a chair, his eyes flashing back and forth between the pair. Glaring at the men, Riza took a carefully controlled sigh. Her strange rust-colored eyes closed for a few moments before they flashed open again. She turned them slowly onto Roy before saying, "It's not important, sir."

Roy's eyebrow lifted upward as he stared at her in disbelief. "Apparently it's important enough to destroy my office over." His gaze subconsciously did a second sweep over the room, carefully taking in everything. He stared at the group suspiciously. "Tell me now."

The tone of his voice was enough to make everyone flinch (except Hawkeye, she never flinched). Each and every pair of eyes darted to the wall, the floor, or the ceiling, to anywhere but him. A few of the men shuffled nervously before their eyes traveled warily back to their commander's face. A low, impatient growl came from said person's throat and a heavy sigh of defeat echoed through the room.

As he expected, it was Riza who took the blow and delivered him what was sure to be bad news. Her tone scared him as soon as the first word left her mouth. The strange gentle tone reminded him of a mother, not a chimera. In fact he was pretty sure he'd rather be facing the chimera right now. "It's the Fuhrer, sir," she began. "He wants to know how long you intend to keep Edward's name on the missing in action list."

Roy inwardly flinched at the name, and his hidden hands clenched into tight fists within his pockets. A heavy sigh fell from his lips as he locked his determined gaze with his most trusted subordinate. "I will not be removing it anytime soon." Riza nodded with a gaze half filled with satisfaction, half with pity. The later of the two pained him and he glanced away from her. Apparently she had known his answer from the beginning.

From his place behind the wall of furniture, Havoc looked up at Roy cautiously and spoke. "Um…sir, I understand why you may feel that way but The Boss deserves better than this. He deserves a goodbye, and he can't have that if you refuse to let him go."

Anger and humiliation rose up to his throat when he caught the flash of pity in Havoc's blue orbs. As his subordinate looked away he finally spoke, forcing his tone to remain calm and controlled. "You talk about him as if he were already dead, Lieutenant. Until I see a body he will remain missing in action."

With that, the man turned and stalked into his inner private office. As soon as the door shut behind him, he leaned against it for support. His left hand rose up to run through his raven wing hair in a soothing gesture. He had expected this to come up sooner or later, but somehow knowing in advance hadn't quite prepared him from it. People were starting to give up on Ed, and that was just something he couldn't afford to do. He slowly lifted off of the door and made his way over to his desk, not even bothering to turn on the lights. The artificial glare was annoying and contradicted with the way he was feeling inside. When a heart is filled with darkness it shies away from brightness.

The rest of the day dragged on; each tick of the clock seemed to pass slower than the last. It was almost mocking him, and he fought against the temptation to set in on fire and end this torture. However, the result of that would more than likely involve Hawkeye rushing in here and lecturing him to death.

Unfortunately for him, a task such as signing papers doesn't really take much brain power, which allowed his mind to wander. The thoughts that his conscious crammed into his conscious were far from happy, no there was no rainbows or sunshine in his head today. In order to banish the twisted thoughts, he actually began to read the paper work. Who wrote this stuff anyway? Why couldn't they use simple worlds that the rest of the population could understand? He scowled at the page he was currently on and was half way through re-reading the same sentence for the fifth time when a soft knock came at the door.

He stared at the door darkly before commanding in a calm voice, "Come in." The door opened slowly, the crack widening cautiously as if whoever was opening it was afraid of his reaction. As more of the door opened, light poured into the room painfully. He shied away from it as his eyes began to burn.

Hawkeye's brown eyes glared through the darkness and with one quick movement the light switches blazed on. Roy winced and shut his eyes as his arms instinctively moved up protectively from his face. A long pained hiss wormed it way out of his throat. When his eyes finally adjusted he sighed in relief before turning his glare onto Riza. She smiled a small smile of apology before speaking. "I'm sorry, sir, but even if I was prepared to let you sulk all day I…"

She trailed off as her eyes found the stack of completed paperwork. Genuine shock dominated her normally well-controlled emotions as it spread across her face. Despite his mood, he couldn't keep the smirk off his face. His hands lifted up to his lips in an almost evil fashion as he questioned, "What is it Lieutenant?"

"Ah well I- I was wondering if you planned on eating today sir," said Hawkeye, her stammering dying away to her normal confident tone. The same pitying look from earlier was present and Roy wondered exactly how useless his mask was around her anyway.

"What do you mean, Hawkeye?" asked Roy, a little bit confused. Of course he planned to eat, he wasn't stupid enough not to. Almost instantly after the thought crossed his mind a loud growl originated from his stomach. He stared at Riza blankly as she smiled and told him to look at the dreaded clock. He turned and glanced at the hated thing warily only to be shocked when he noticed that it was long past his normal lunch break. "Well, uh I suppose not."

"Well sir, considering you've been uncharacteristically productive today you might just have time to go get something to eat," she said, amusement coloring her tone.

It took him all of about three seconds to get out of his chair and begin his trek toward the door. Annoyance prickled through him at how pathetic his body was as he walked over toward Hawkeye. Each movement of his shoulder sent tiny sparks of pain up his body, although most were easy enough to ignore, occasionally he would wince, there had even been a couple times where he'd pushed to far and ended up staining a perfectly good pair of gloves red. Movement typically brought forth nausea and dizziness, and Riza was all too aware of this. Sadly, this took her protectiveness to a whole new level. even now uncertainty flickered in her eyes. "Do you want me to…?"

"No," he cut her off right there and then. He could take care of himself and he didn't want pity or help…he just wanted to be seen the same as before. He wanted to be viewed as the Flame Alchemist, not some pathetic cripple who couldn't even walk across a flat surface. Understanding coursed through her as she turned to leave, tactfully opening the door wide enough for both of them to slip out and into the now spotless outer office.

He sighed, not really surprised. Hawkeye was definitely a perfectionist in everything from cleaning to hitting her target. It was a strange combination, he reflected, but definitely useful. Out of habit, he said some greeting or another to each of the men, pausing to lock his eyes with Havoc. He felt bad for snapping at the smoker earlier, but his pride wouldn't exactly let him apologize. Thankfully Havoc seemed to understand and just gave him a small nod. That completed, Roy moved to leave the room to answer the calling of his stomach.

That attempt was foiled by one of the phone's annoying ring startling the entire group. Roy froze momentarily, considering what the call was most likely about. Knowing he didn't have much time he whipped around to escape, only to find himself staring down the barrel of a gun. "Lieutenant," he growled darkly. She spoke not a single word and let her actions do the talking. As soon as the threat left his mouth she responded by pulling the hammer of the gun backward with a dangerous click.

Not moving the weapon, she turned and answered the phone and spoke quickly. "Hello? Yes, yes, I'll make sure he's there." Roy's heart sank as he heard her words, knowing fully well his chance to eat had just flown out the window. Finally, she replaced the phone to its resting place and turned and glared at him. "Apparently, you're more than a week late for your check-up."

The tone of her voice scared even Roy, causing him to step back from the loaded gun. "Oh, really?" he asked innocently. "Well then I better go-"

"I don't think so," she said deadly calm. "You're not going to die just because you're too stubborn to go see a doctor."

"I'm not going to die," mumbled Roy, glancing away from the woman. Apparently she'd been around him way too much to simply let him go. She knew what he'd be planning even before he thought of it himself. His eyes quickly darted back up to meet hers. "Unless you shoot me, then it's definitely a possibility."

In the brief second before she lowered her gun, he swore her finger twitched toward the trigger. Sighing in defeat, he wisely chose to fight a battle he couldn't win and allowed Hawkeyes to march him through the building.

The military hospital in reality was nothing special, just a part of the building, roughly the size of an average city hospital. It had basic equipment, but that was about it, nothing else was really necessary. This facility's main purpose was physicals, and by now, Roy knew almost everyone who worked there. In fact, he believed he'd dated a few of them. To them the sight of Riza ushering Roy into the room was completely normal, and most of them looked up to watch with amused, knowing smiles.

His dignity in ruins, Roy sent an evil glare at the woman in front of him, who simply smiled back at him as they began their wait. It didn't take long, maybe ten minutes until an absolutely beautiful young woman was standing before them. She was new, one of the few Roy didn't know, however she most certainly seemed to know him. "Ah, hello Colonel, so nice of you to finally stop in."

There was an eerie resemblance to Hawkeye in the woman's tone that almost made Roy shudder. Still, that was not the most concerning thing to him. What was wrong with him? Normally just seeing someone like this brunette would have started putting ideas into his head, now he could barely stand to look at her. "I'm Dr. Kane," she said simply as she tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "Now, if you'd follow me…"

She led them into another small room and turned to him. "Now, if I understand correctly, it was your left arm that was shot?" she asked her eyes fixing on said arm. Roy simply nodded, too deep in thought to form words. In fact, he barely even heard her when she asked him to remove his shirt. He slowly unbuttoned his uniform, which Hawkeye instantly took into her arms. As he reached the final button on his shirt, he hesitated before revealing the biggest reminder of Fullmetal he had.

Dr. Kane scribbled something on a clipboard that had been lying on the single table in the room. She then made her way over to Roy. "Tell me when or if you can feel this, alright?" She placed her hand on the flesh of his collar bone and looked up. Once he confirmed he could feel, it she moved the pressure even further left. He winced as her fingers softly connected with the scarred flesh. Eventually, she came to a point where he could feel nothing at all. He blinked and stared downward, knowing what he'd see.

Her fingers were pressed against the painfully familiar, cold surface. Light gleamed off the metal, casting beautiful patterns off and onto the wall nearby. However, to Roy the thing was far from attractive and he was almost certain Edward would agree. No, there was nothing beautiful about it, in fact to his eyes auto-mail was the ugliest thing he'd ever seen.

Equivalent Exchange guys

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