Alienation Of Affection In The Back Yard

To Dottie

Chapter One

"I love you, Uncle Johnny."

"And I love you too, Sweetheart."

"You're my favorite uncle."

"And you're my favorite girl. Sweet dreams."

"Uncle Johnny?"

"Yes?"

"Our swing set broke."

Johnny sighed. Six and a half year old Chris DeSoto was already sleeping on Johnny's sofa. Four and a half year old Jenny DeSoto, bedded down on Johnny's convertible chair, was wide awake. He was starting to wish he had refused to take care of the kids while Roy and Joanne went away for a romantic weekend. On the other hand, he had a growing respect for the trials of parenting - and a firmer conviction he was never going to be a parent.

Johnny forced a smile. "I'm sorry, hon. But now it's time to go to sleep, so we can go to the beach tomorrow." he started to get up from his sitting position on the floor, but Jenny caught his arm. One look at those lipid blue eyes stopped him in his tracks. He sat back down, ran a hand through his hair, and smiled again.

"So...your swing set broke."

Jenny peered at him anxiously. "I love you, Uncle Johnny. I really, really do."

"And I love you."

"You're my favorite uncle."

"and you're my - okay, whadaya want?"

"YOU know..."

Johnny's head dropped. He knew. And he didn't want to face it, not after his disastrous remodeling of the DeSoto's front yard.

"You want me to buy you a new swing set."

"No, I um...want you to BUILD us one."

"Oh, no. No, no, no."

"But, Uncle Johnny!"

"No way. Go to sleep."

As Johnny headed into his bedroom, he heard Chris whisper, "Jenny, you dork! I told you to cry!"

He stared at the ceiling. "You little sneaks," he thought. Then he headed back into the living room.

Christopher saw him coming. "Uncle Johnny, you're the best - "

"Yeah, yeah, I'm the bestest uncle in the whole world."

"Yeah!" Jenny chirped. "The bestest."

Johnny had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. He forced a serious look. "You two are incredible, you know that?"

"We are." Jenny beamed.

"That wasn't a compliment," Johnny replied, a small guffaw escaping his lips. "Okay. You two planned this. Good job, working together and all that, but the answer is no."

Jenny's lower lip quivered. "But our swing set broke."

Johnny felt his stance wavering. He shook himself. "Not gonna happen, Jen, so don't turn on the waterworks. G'night." He turned on his heel and walked away, grimacing as he pictured Jenny's angelic face, her eyes overspilling with tears. He closed the door to the bedroom and sank to the floor. From the other side of the door came Chris's voice.

"Forget it, Jenny. He closed the door."

"But our swing set - hiccup - did break."

"Daddy'll fix it."

but I want one like the Hoopers are gonna get."

"Me, too. but Daddy said no, and so did Uncle Johnny."

Johnny shook his head. "Gage, don't say yes, don't say yes, kids gotta learn disappointment, don't say yes, don't say yes, Uncle Johnny can say no, the kids'll still love ya, don't say yes, stay away from Alice, she'll kill ya, just go to sleep, no need to feel guilty, go to sleep, just lie down." Wearily, Johnny got up from the floor and dragged himself to bed. As he fell asleep, he knew one thing.

He was doomed.