Reminiscence
Disclaimers: I do not own the 39 Clues.
The feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.
The feeling of confident desire that the best will happen.
To wish for something to be true.
To believe.
Hope.
The very thing that Amy Cahill lack of right this instant.
Her eyes began to water, and tears immediately flooded her vision. She let the bunch of freshly picked calla lilies fall out of her hand, landing in front of the gravestone of the person that once would comfort her when she cries. The person that once would make her smile, would make her laugh, would make her fall in love. The one that she can always count on to be there. To be the rock that she needs to lean on when times are tough.
She collapsed and sank to her knees, burying her tear-stricken face in her hands. That person would wrap his arms around her and whisper comforting thoughts in her ears.
But right now, all she can feel is the rigid air and stillness.
He is gone.
And it was all her fault.
Rain splatter noisily onto the concrete streets of London. The gray monotonous sky cast a dark shadow on the gloomy city.
In the corner of the uptown cafe, the mood of the striking young man matched the disheartening atmosphere outside.
He sipped on the cup of espresso brève, and even the strong coffee could not keep his mind off of the one thing he was trying to evade.
Today is the day of the important art auction. Today was the day he was supposed to meet with the real estate brokers. Today was the day he was supposed to visit the tailor to have his new Armani suit fitted.
None of those things really mattered to Ian anymore. He has been in a distant, unresponsive shell ever since day one. He didn't care about the fine details in life like he used to. His high ranking status is free-falling every day, but he hasn't bothered to reconstruct what was broken.
Every day, he fell more and more like into a quicksand. Soon, he felt like being the dregs of society. But every year that passed, on this day, he is painfully reminded of something that he could have changed, something he could have prevented.
Because most importantly, today is the day, five years ago, that a piece of his heart ripped out when she faced her demise.
His mind is beginning to slip into his subconsciousness, because the figment of his imagination was much better than reality.
She flopped herself face down onto the soft goose feather pillow. She let her tears stain the white sheets, not caring if they are 500 thread count Egyptian cotton.
She let her mind wander into her memories, searching for all the happy moments and letting the happy flashbacks comfort her. She fell deeper and deeper into her shell, into the safe shell of memories. She never wants to let go of that feeling.
Because her memories are better than reality.
"Amy? Kiddo, what's wrong?"
Amy didn't look up. She didn't bother to answer that question.
Nellie walked over to the heap of red hair and draped her arm around her comfortingly. Nellie could always cheer her up. Today was different, though. Just mentioning those heart-wrenching memories is enough to bring tears to Nellie's eyes.
"Hey...I know it's hard-" Nellie paused, feeling tears trying to escape her own eyes. She swallowed hard, not wanting to cry in front of Amy. "-so how about going downstairs for a chat? I baked some chocolate chip cookies."
Amy reluctantly picked her head up from the alleviating wrath of her pillow. She dragged herself up, still feeling heavy.
Five minutes later, Amy reappeared downstairs. She has splashed some water on her face to clean the tear streaks, but her eyes are still puffy and red. She pulled her messy red hair into a ponytail.
The tantalizing smell of milk chocolate tickled her nose. Amy reached for a cookie and nibbled on it halfheartedly.
"Kiddo...feeling better?" Nellie asked carefully.
"Yeah." Amy muttered, albeit her mind screaming NO!
"It's been five years...maybe you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. Evan... He would never blame it on you. It's not your fault."
Fresh tears filled Amy's eyes. She bit her tongue, not wanting those tears to pour out.
"But it is my fault! I was the one who dragged him into the whole Cahill ordeal. I was the one to introduce him to the vespers. I was the one to let danger face him. I should be the one responsible for his death!"
Amy buried her face in her hands once again. Nellie gently pulled her into a protective hug.
"Amy, listen to me. He wanted to be involved with the Cahills. You warned him about the dangers, but he was the one who decided that he can handle this. He died because of the cold-hearted Vespers, not you!" Nellie said. "If he saw you like this, he will never forgive himself. It's alright to miss someone, but life still goes on. Kiddo, it's time to move on."
Those last few sentences struck Amy like an arrow. Her mind was a mess, but she was able to form one distinct thought: Maybe Nellie's right.
Amy took few deep breaths, finally able to calm herself. Her tears dried up, and it felt as if a big burden was lifted off her shoulders.
"Mr. McIntyre would be so proud of you to see how much the Cahill branches have changed now. So would Uncle Alistair, Erasmus...and maybe even Natalie."
Amy let those words sink in. She finally nodded. Nellie was right.
A sudden vibration in Amy's pocket made her jump back, separating herself from Nellie's grasp. She fumbled around and snatched out her Blackberry.
Incoming call. Unknown number.
Amy frowned. Who could it be?
She sat there from a few moments, debating whether or not she should answer the mysterious phone call.
Her finger finally pushed the "answer" key. She gingerly lifted her phone up to her ear.
"Hello?"
She was greeted by silence.
"Hello?"
The soft, melodic voice of a shy girl echoed through his mind. He let that absorb into his mind, not wanting to forget the sweet voice that he hasn't heard from in five years. Finally, snapping out of the trance, Ian realized that he has been silent for a bit too long.
"Hello."
Now, the other end was speechless.
Maybe this was a bad idea after all. It took all of his courage to pick up his phone and dial this number. The number of the girl across the Atlantic Ocean. The number of the girl he once had a crush on. The number of the girl he still loved, no matter what.
"Ian, is that you?"
His heart pounded faster, after hearing her say his name.
"Amy." He started. "We need to talk."
After a small pause, she responded. "Ok. A-about what? I'm listening."
"Maybe it's not the best to talk about it over the phone. I'm...coming over tomorrow."
"O-Ok." Amy said simply. And then she hung up.
The dial tone rang in his ears. What has he gotten himself into?
No time for that. Ian stood up, left the bill on the table, and walk out of the cafe.
He has a plane to catch and a heart to mend.
Amy heard a gentle rasp on the oak door. It was 10:30, and she knew who would be knocking on the door this late at night. She prepared herself for this. It has been five year since they've seen each other. She had thought that perhaps he moved on already, forgotten about her already.
She smoothed down her navy blue dress and walked briskly to the door.
Opening the door slowly, she saw the person that once made her heart stop. His amber gazed pierced into her soul, making her shudder. Just like in Korea. That was the past, Amy. That was seven years ago, when I was young and stupid. I don't feel that way about him anymore.
"Hi, Ian." She managed to squeak out. Her face flushed into a tomato red, despite how much she hates it.
""Well, are you just going to let me stand here? Or am I allowed to come inside?" Ian sneered.
After all these years, Ian Kabra is still is such a pompous, arrogant jerk. His jet black hair is perfectly slicked into place. His designer suit is impeccable, in spite of a few rumples from the plane ride. But looking into his amber eyes, they seemed empty. They were sad, depleted of happiness and purpose of life. This day has also been hurting him.
Amy shifted away from the entrance, allowing Ian to pass. She sent some servants to get the luggage. Then, Amy led him up to his room.
Amy was silent. She was in deep thought. Why does he want to see me after all this time?
"And my flight was fine; I rented a limo to get here. Thanks for asking." Ian said sarcastically, breaking the silence.
Amy blushed furiously. The suave British accent made her heart skip just a bit faster.
"Here's your r-room. I hope its okay. If you need anything, just call the servants." Amy mumbled quietly. She turned to leave, but Ian gripped her arm.
"By the way, you look lovely." He dropped her arm and disappeared into the room.
Dan suddenly popped out of the room across the hall. He has been unusually quiet today.
"What's the cobra doing here? I though he long forgot our existence on the planet." Dan remarked.
Amy couldn't help but smile. Dan was such a dweeb. Even as he grew older, nineteen-year-old Dan still has the same amount of brain cells as a five-year-old.
"I don't know. We're about to find out." Amy said.
"I bet he's here to make kissy faces at you again. Man, that is SO disgusting! The way you look at each other...just...UGH! I mean, that time in Kore-" Dan scrunched his face.
"No, I do NOT do that! And don't say that again! Besides, you and Sophie are like that whenever you see each other," Amy retorted.
Dan dropped his gaze in embarrassment. "FINE! You win...just this time."
Dan has been dating Sophie for two years. She was a great match for Dan, and Dan definitely loved her.
Amy introduced the two since she could see that Dan was having a hard time getting over her. Lately, Dan seemed to be doing better, and Amy was relieved that at least someone has moved on.
Amy yawned. She has spent the whole day dusting and cleaning the house for the visitor. It was exhausting to clean the large Cahill property. She made her way to her bedroom. She staggered into her blankets after hastily changing into her confy t-shirt. Exhaustion over washed over her body, and her eyelinds drooped to a close.
Amy pushed through the French doors of the Cahill mansion library. After qucikly finishing her breakfast, she made it up to her favorite place in the whole mansion. The musky smell of old books is always comforting. She grabbed a copy of Pride and Prejudice and settled down in a corner to read.
After a few minutes, she felt someone's presence next to her. Turning her head towards the left, she came face-to-face with a pair of amber orbs. Amy jumped back a little, uncomfortable at the closeness of him.
"It's marvelous outside. Let's take a walk." Ian suggested. "Unless you have some other plans...but..."
"No, I'm free." They both stood up and left the library.
Outside, a small breeze rustled the willow tree nearby. The two walked down the street, into the more populated area of Attleboro.
They ended up in a small ice cream shop a few blocks down the street. Amy order for both of them, and they found a bench to sit on out in the sun.
Ian winced slightly at the sight of the bench. He imagined his custom tailored Armani pants getting peasant germs on them. He forced himself to sit on the grimy seat. At least it's better than the ground.
Amy could see the discomfort Ian was showing. She snickered, causing Ian to give her a strange look.
"I promise you're not going to get peasant diseases by sitting on a bench." Amy assured him.
"But you never bloody know." Ian muttered under his breath.
Amy laughed. Ian looked at her; her laugh was like the sound of tinkling bells. She seemed so carefree, so light. Her red hair glowed under the sunlight. Natalie was like this once. She would laugh like the happiest girl in the world during the fancy parties and get-togethers.
The biting thought made Ian wince. Natalie. The person he was trying to forget, trying to escape. Her death replayed in his sleep every night. The horrid image of her small body getting electrocuted, and then going limp. He even imagined ways he could have saved her. But every time, in his nightmares, he failed to protect her from death's grip.
"Ian, are you alright?" Amy asked worriedly. Her happy mood was replaced by an apprehensive one.
Ian avoided her gaze. He stood up, and started to walk into the park. Amy followed close behind.
They walked in silence for a few minutes. Finally, Amy injected.
"Ian... I k-know it's hard to forget Natalie. I know you are thinking about her."
The mention of her name stung like a taser.
"It's such a nice day out." He tried to change the subject.
"Ian, you have to face the truth. You can't avoid reality anymore. Natalie won't be happy to see you mope around like this every day. It's for her sake, Ian."
Ian laughed. It was a bitter laugh, one filled with regret and pain. "But what if reality is too much? I can't handle living like this anymore. There's no one left in the world that cares."
Amy was taken aback. Without thinking, she flung her arms around his neck.
"Ian, I care. I really do. It's time to let go."
Ian responded by wrapping his arms around her waist. He felt somewhat better. But there was still one thing he had to set right.
"Amy, there's one thing I've been wanting to tell you... I know you've given up on me, but I haven't. I still have feelings for you." He bit his lips.
"Ever since Korea."
He closed the space between their lips. This time, it felt different from any other kiss Ian has ever had. It was tender and passionate, yet a bit reluctant. But soon, he felt her relax and delve into the moment.
His mind was finally clear of the murky thoughts ever since Natalie's death. He finally letting go of the past, letting go of those he loved.
Amy felt her mind melt. The sensation spread throughout her fingertips, all the way down to her toes. Evan, Erasmus, Uncle Alistair, Mr. McIntyre, and Natalie-their memories will always be with her, but now, it's time to move on and jump back into the game. The game known as life.
Amy was the first to pull back. She was breathless, and gasped for air as if there was none left. Even Ian looked somewhat flustered.
"Well...I wouldn't mind if we did that again," Ian sneered.
Amy's cheeks blazed into a shade of beet red. She struck a playful punch on his arm.
Both of them were ready. They were both ready to jump back into reality. Because if you play it right, reality will be better than reminiscence.
Author's Note
This story is written for AmberCahill's Never Forgotten Contest! I was originally going to write a one-shot, but decided to adapt it and enter it into the contest instead.
I hope that you enjoyed this fanfic. I had a blast writing it! I seriously don't think I will win, but that's not really the important part. I had a really good time writing this and I just hope that you enjoyed reading it. Please review and tell me how it was!
Michelle