I wrote this with my sis. It took us about seven hours with long periods of intermission. If we had actually sat down and got to business, I believe we would have finished it in two hours, but instead we wasted away our day and had fun. -Shakes head- What a terrible loss. Anyways enjoy!
Au revoir, Hilary and Zizzie.

Out of the Closet

"Wha—what the hell?" someone whispered.

"I knew something was going on in the Cullen house," a voice all but screamed.

"Is that…a thong?"

I grinned as more comments flew around Emmett and me. He grumbled under his breath about humans being the spawn of Satan and I hummed merrily.

We walked all throughout Main Street, and so far, Emmett had been pointed at, glared at, laughed at, and had Eric throw himself at him. We were then moving on to the strip mall a few blocks away, my truck safely parked at the diner.

We walked into a clothing store and I decided to embarrass him even more. By bringing him along to the shoe department, of course.

"How do you like these, Emmett?" I asked coyly, proffering a pair of lime green four-inch heels, size thirteen. They had silk laces that would wind around the leg and tie at about the knee.

He gazed at them with a critical eye. No doubt decades of being with Rosalie trained him to view women's accessories decisively. I studied him more carefully. On the other hand, that could be him through and through, with no help and advice at all from Rosalie.

"They're tasteful. Nice color. The laces are decorative while not being overly flashy or tacky. I like them. They'd look nice on you," he told me seriously.

I grinned at him and said nothing. He finally began to fidget.

"What?" he asked nervously. I continued to stare at him silently.

"Talk to me!" he exclaimed.

"These shoes will go exceptionally well with your prom dress this year," I told him, complying with his wish that I say something. He gaped at me.

They deemed very profitable, and he wanted shoes, so he wore them grudgingly. I laughed at the young man's face when he saw Emmett, a mix of shock, amusement, and lust. Which in turn made me chortle at Emmett's reaction—disgust. He rang up Emmett's purchase, gazing at him the entire time.

"Y'know, if you want, I could get his number for you…" I hinted, nodding my head towards the clerk who was watching Emmett leave.

Emmett turned to me with wide eyes and shook his head rapidly. "Don't you embarrass me!"

"What? You get embarrassed? I was not aware that was possible," I replied.

As we made our way inside a Chinese Restaurant, the host seated us before running quickly back to his post. I ate happily as Emmett glared at me because of all the stares and comments he received.

My favorite being, "Come on over here, suga', you look in dire need of a release. I'll give you discharge after discharge." This came from the overweight middle-aged man that occupied the table next to ours.

Last, we entered the Dollar Store; I moved a plastic chair to a better position to watch him and sat in quasi comfort as he meandered throughout the aisles. More people pointed and voiced their opinion, while I sat back and watched my masterpiece. I sighed in content and crossed my legs, waiting for him to finish walking through the store. I thought about the events that led me to be sitting here laughing at Emmett.

Edward always pushed his limits, tested his breaking point, practiced his strength. He never wished to leave me until he could no longer stand to be around my blood. This was, of course, one of those times. Alice was my usual guardian, but she needed to feed as well. Every one of the Cullens, except Carlisle, for he was at the hospital, had gone hunting. So that left one vampire to watch over me while my own and his family were 'hiking'.

Emmett.

Sure, I loved Emmett like I would an older brother; however, there were times when he was intolerable. He enjoyed watching me and waiting for the times when I would trip and hurt myself; which were extremely frequent, much to his pleasure.

I was sitting on the couch in their spacious living room listening to him bang around the kitchen; he insisted upon feeding me. I sighed and leaned my head back, closing my eyes. The noise emanating from the kitchen slowly died down and soon disappeared altogether. I opened my eyes with trepidation, afraid of what he was doing. I shrieked with abandon, which only made Emmett, who was standing too close above me, grin widely.

"Emmett, what the hell are you doing?" I asked, breathing fast. He only responded with a show of sparkling white teeth, jumping over the couch to sit beside me. Still put out, I turned to face him.

An idea flaring into my mind, I grinned mischievously.

"Truth or dare, Emmett?" I asked sweetly, my playful smirk melting into an angelic smile. I saw him hesitate and taunted, "What, afraid?"

"I'm not afraid. Dare," he declared, proud.

I steepled my fingers and dug into my mind for an idea. A memory danced into my thoughts.

Dad sat at the kitchen table, newspaper poised for him to read. He sighed, shaking his head before taking a dainty sip of his coffee.

"What's wrong, Dad?" I asked, concerned.

"Some unruly kids have been cross dressing, making fun of homos, and we've been forced to take them to the station because it's gotten out of control."

Rubbing his hands against his face, he rose for work.

"I dare you to go into town dressed like a transvestite, a gay transvestite, for a whole day."

He stared at me with his mouth hanging open for a few moments and I began to feel worried.

His raucous laughter startled me and I watched in anticipation.

"Oh, that's good, sure I'll do it," he said, a guffaw still erupting from his mouth. "What a joker you are, Bella."

He thought I was kidding. Oh, how priceless this was going to turn out to be. If only he knew just how devious I could be when I wished.

"Absolutely," I grinned, "I, uh, have to go to the bathroom; I'll be back in a few… minutes, okay?"

I rose from the couch and tried not to run to Alice's room. I hurried up the stairs and hesitated at the door of the bathroom.

I flipped on the light and looked around. I rushed to the sink and turned the faucet on enough for water to trickle out. I tiptoed into the hallway, closing the door behind me. Would I be able to fool him…?

I slowly, and somewhat silently, made my way to Alice's room. I had to keep Emmett from catching on I was serious until the last minute. I entered her room, thankful she and Jasper didn't feel the need to shut it, and headed straight for her enormous walk-in closet. I rifled through her clothes quickly, looking for anything…revealing.

Finding nothing, I moved on to her numerous drawers filled to the brim with even more clothes. In the third drawer I looked in, I found the perfect two items. A pair of tight white, to the point of near transparency, spandex shorts and a white see through tutu.

I knew what would go great with her shorts. I hastily moved to Rosalie and Emmett's room. Swallowing my revulsion and guilt for peeking in her underwear drawer, I quickly retrieved a skimpy little red thong. This would show through the thinness of Alice's shorts. I grinned maliciously.

The shirt would have to come from my own collection. I could see the shirt that would look good on him in my mind's eye. I hurried to Edward's room where I kept clothes for when I was held here every couple of months. I rummaged through my things and found it surprisingly fast. A small pink shirt with flowers and paisley print with the words "Flower Power" stenciled across the front. Flowers of various sizes and colors danced on the front and around to the back as well. Emmett would love it.

I draped the clothes over my arm and went to turn the water off in the bathroom. Walking down the stairs, I saw Emmett lounging on the couch. When he heard me, he craned his neck to look around at me. He grinned and said the thing I had hoped he would.

"You're such a jokester. I love the fact that you would come up with something like that. Makes me proud," he said, pretending to wipe a tear from the corner of his eye.

I smiled, giving absolutely nothing away. I shifted my arm behind my back, hiding the clothes. I walked, one foot in front of the other, determined not to trip, and surprisingly, I didn't.

As I neared the grinning teddy bear, I finally showed him my prize. The mirth in his eyes intensified and he doubled over in booming laughter. I continued to smile, let him believe what he wished; I'd be the one laughing in the end. When he noticed the smugness in my expression, his joy began to distinguish, until disbelief marred his pale face. I grinned now, muscles stretching into an amused arrangement.

He shook his head vehemently, chanting, "No, no, no, no," until his words blurred together and he forgot how to say the simple duo of letters.

I nodded my head, saying, "Yes, yes, yes and YES!"

He moaned, covering his face with one large hand. "I won't do it." He said, glaring at me between parted fingers.

"What are you a scaredy cat?" I asked mockingly, knowing his pride would prevent him from denying the dare. I dumped the clothes in a heap and said over my shoulder as I walked to the kitchen, "Call me when you're done changing."

He sat there on the couch, mouth hanging open, the clothes lying limply in his lap.

Emmett stood at the doorway, arms folded across his muscular chest that was covered in pink. His private areas were barely covered by the skin-tight spandex and you could see the red number beneath it. The tutu fanned out to his mid-upper thighs and he looked simply ravishing. The shirt I had so graciously loaned to him fit perfectly, pink, floral, and tight. No shoes for him.

He glared at me, loathing making his eyes glitter darkly. I smiled sweetly, grabbed my keys, and skipped out the door.

I looked up to see Emmett glaring down at me. I grinned and stood, stretching. When we exited, I saw the chief's police car parked in the lot, Charlie leaning against the driver's window. I chuckled evilly in my mind and called my dad over, waving my arms in a psychotic flurry. He looked up, surprise melting into anger.

With him stalking towards us and me pulling Emmett along, we made it to Charlie in no time at all. He glared at Emmett who looked down quickly in embarrassment and shame. Charlie muttered nonsense as he handcuffed Emmett and shoved him along to the police car with me trailing behind, happy as a camper.

When Charlie was putting Emmett into the police car, a multitude of events occurred:

One, Charlie muttered, "It's damn disrespectful to make fun of us."

Two, Emmett's spandex ripped, making a loud squelching noise which prodded me to say, "That's not very lady-like, Emmett."

And three, Emmett's face was a look of horror and revulsion at Charlie's words with his mouth hung open, eyes bugged out wide, as Charlie slammed the door to the police cruiser.

The Next Day:

"EMMETT!!"

This is the fruit of our deeply disturbed labor. We hope you liked it as much we did writing it. Oh, and if you don't review, we'll sick Jerry the fat, middle-aged guy, on you. So please, unless your life holds no value for you, review. Thanks for actually spending your time to read this thing!

P.s.
We wouldn't actually sick Jerry on you, seeing as he's merely a figment of Hilary's imagination...and we appreciate you reading everything. Especially this extremely long author's note. -Mwah-