Chapter One

Fighting a Losing Battle

"Dammit, not again," 39 year old Lorelai Gilmore Danes cursed aloud as she stared at yet another negative pregnancy test. She, and her husband of two years, Luke Danes, had been trying to conceive their first child together for three years, with zero successes. They were starting to feel defeated and tired of the constant negatives.

"That doesn't sound good," Luke said from outside the bathroom. "Can I come in?"

"Of course," Lorelai answered and she opened the door.

"I'm so tired of this," she said and showed him the pregnancy test. "It's been constant negatives for three years, three this month alone. I'm starting to doubt we will ever have a baby, Luke,"

"Lorelai, come on," he took his wife into his arms and hugged her. "We will have a baby, I promise. There are ways we can. Just have faith,"

"No, Luke, I'm tired of having faith and waiting and hoping! It shouldn't be this hard!" Lorelai stormed off. Luke tried to stop her and calm her, but he was too late. She stormed up the stairs and into their bedroom.

During the years they had been together, Luke had learned that when Lorelai had these mood spells, it was best to just leave her be to work through them alone. As much as his heart told him to comfort her, he realized that what she needed is time to be with her own thoughts, as this was a very sensitive and personal process to her. Luke went to make some coffee while he let Lorelai have her alone time.

As he sat with his coffee, Luke too was lost in his own thoughts. All he wanted was to give Lorelai the baby she yearned for, and deep down, even though he once was very against kids (and their "jam hands'), he wouldn't mind getting to have a baby with Lorelai. After all, he missed out on April's baby days and wanted to experience those milestones for himself. He'd always dreamed of having a son, especially after losing his own dad. He wanted to teach his future son many things, including fishing and cooking. Maybe they could even take over the diner one day, he thought, just like he had with his dad. Although he was trying to keep optimistic about the situation for the sake of Lorelai's emotions, Luke too was starting to have doubts. He and Lorelai had been trying for a baby regularly, even before they were married. He knew that it wasn't normal for conceiving to take this long, and was starting to think something was wrong.

Meanwhile, Lorelai sat upstairs on their bed with piles of photo albums around her. Each album contained one year's worth of pictures of Rory, from the ages of two hours old until six years old (Emily wanted them to continue until Rory was eighteen, but Rory wouldn't allow it, and Lorelai respected her daughter's wishes). Lorelai normally loved looking through these albums and reminiscing about Rory as a baby and her misadventures as a young mother, but now they just made her feel sad and hopeless. All she wanted was to experience those times again- the first steps, first words, first smiles of her baby, but with Luke by her side. She always knew that she wanted more children. Although Rory was an unexpected, yet happy surprise for her, she fell deeply in love with that little girl from their first moment together, and she yearned for that feeling again.

When Lorelai and Luke decided it was time to take their relationship more seriously and move forward with getting married, they discussed having a child or even multiple children together at length. Both of them loved the idea, and while they knew having one might not be instant, they never expected it to take years.

"Aw, look," Lorelai said to herself. "Our first picture…" She was staring down at a photo of herself and brand-new baby Rory. It was taken by a nurse not even an hour after Rory had been born. Lorelai could almost feel the tiredness her sixteen year old self was experiencing at that moment. She was deliriously tired then, but also deliriously happy. That afternoon into early morning was the hardest, but the happiest one of her life. Lorelai smiled at the memory, and also felt a tear roll down her cheek.

"Oh, her first Halloween!" Lorelai squealed at a now grainy photo of Rory in costume as a pumpkin, and Lorelai holding her, while dressed up as a clown (the only costume she could find that accommodated her body having recently finished carrying a baby).

"And here's her first meeting with Grandma and Grandpa Gilmore," In this photo, Rory was being held by Emily, who was smiling proudly, with Richard behind her. Lorelai was smiling next to her parents and daughter, but it was obvious she didn't want to be photographed. She was a new, tired, somewhat clueless mother, and not in the mood for posing, but Emily insisted and wouldn't budge, saying she needed a picture of the "new Gilmore generation". She also wanted to have it made into a painting for her den, but that's where Lorelai really drew the line.

Lorelai continued looking at pictures for a few minutes, and then she heard a knock at the door.

"Can I come in?" It was Luke.

"Yeah, of course," Lorelai answered. She watched as Luke came into the room, carrying two plates of burgers and fries and two sodas. "Here's dinner," he said.

Lorelai smiled tiredly. "Thanks," she said as she took her plate.

"So," Luke said with a concerned tone in his voice. "Are you doing okay?"

"Yeah, I guess," Lorelai said, sighing. She took a bite of her burger and then set it to the side, not in the mood to eat much of anything, even delicious food cooked by her favorite man.

"Listen, babe," Luke said seriously. "I think it's time we start to seek help in having a baby. Clearly, what we're doing on our own isn't working at all, and you know, we are older now than when April and Rory were conceived. It's not a bad idea," he suggested.

"Are you sure they'll help us?"

"Why wouldn't they?" Luke asked.

"Because we're old," Lorelai half joked.

"It's worth a try," Luke looked into her eyes. He could sense how much she wanted this.

"Okay," Lorelai consented. "I'll call the Hartford Fertility Center, I've heard good things." She pulled out her phone, looked up the number, and dialed it. Luke took their plates out and decided to let her make the call alone.

"Hello, and thank you for calling the Hartford Fertility and Family Center. This is Susan speaking, how may we assist you today?

"Hi, my name is Lorelai Gilmore, and I'm looking to come in with my husband for an appointment where we discuss our fertility issues,"

"Of course," Susan replied. "Can you give me a brief description of your history?"

"Both my husband and I have children from previous relationships, but they're grown up, we had them when we were young. Now, he and I are trying for our first together and we're having a lot of trouble,"

"Ah, what kind of trouble?"

"We've been married for two years and consistently trying for three, and in that time, we've had up to three negative tests a month. Never any positives.

"I understand how difficult that is, and I definitely think you could benefit from some of our services or at the very least a consultation with one of our specialists. Now, I just have some more questions for you to get to know your needs a little better,"

"Of course,"

"First of all, how old are you and your husband? Age often affects fertility,"

"I'm thirty nine and he's forty three,"

"Ah, that could be the reason why. Let me look in the system to see what appointment dates and times are available. It sounds like we should get you in relatively soon. You've got the circumstances of what we call a priority case, considering how long you have been trying and your ages. Hold on while I look up the dates. It will just be a minute,"

Lorelai stood up and paced around while she waited. She was beginning to feel some hope.

"Alright," Susan was back on the line. "We can actually fit you in tomorrow at nine, does that work?"

"Yes, that's perfect!" Lorelai agreed. "Thank you so much Susan, you've been so sweet and helpful to me,"

"Any time, I wish you and your husband the best of luck," she said before hanging up.

"Well," Lorelai said as she came out of the bedroom and into the living room., where Luke sat watching the evening news and drinking some coffee. "We've got an appointment for nine tomorrow in Hartford. The woman I talked to said we're a priority case," she announced

"Wow," Luke exclaimed. "That sounds important,"

"Yeah, definitely," Lorelai added, flopping down on the couch next to him. "You know what, Luke?"

"What?"

"I'm starting to have some hope," she snuggled into him. They watched some TV before going up to bed.

Normally when Luke and Lorelai went to bed, they kissed each other goodnight, turned out the lights and rolled right over to go to sleep. Tonight, however, they couldn't help themselves from talking about the stride they had made in their journey to a baby

"Can you believe we might get to be parents?" Lorelai questioned.

"We will," Luke corrected. "I promise. Good night, crazy lady, I love you so much,"

"Good night, my java angel," Lorelai responded. Her and Luke shared a kiss and then settled in for the night, snuggled up together and full of hope for the future.