A/N: This story is definitely a sequel to Until the End so please go check that one out before you start here. It will make a lot more sense, I promise.

Chapter One

Sirius's Point of View

Something is patting my cheek - gently, but insistently. I open my eyes and see Harry's tiny hand hovering over my face. What the hell is he doing in my bed?

The events of last night hit me like a sledgehammer.

"Oh, fuck." I breathe,

James and Lily. Oh my god, they're dead. They're really dead. It really happened.

I sit up, preparing to run to the bathroom because I think I'm going to be sick. My movement delights Harry, and he squeals as he tries to pull the shiny silver ring off of my little finger. He's almost managed it, so I slip it the rest of the way off and give it to him.

"Pafoo," he says to himself softly, not taking his eyes off of his new toy.

"Are you hungry, little man?" I ask as I brush the downy soft hair back from his forehead.

The clock on the bedside table reads 1:48 P.M. so I imagine he must be starving. Merlin, I'm mucking things up already.

I roll out of bed, taking Harry with me, and try to balance him on my hip the way I watched James do a million times. It doesn't feel quite natural, but Harry settles against me happily, so I leave the bedroom and start down the stairs.

Kreacher pops out of his cupboard and Harry screams in excitement. At the loud sound, the curtains of my mother's portrait fly open and her wailing fills the house.

"FILTHY BLOOD TRAITOR! YOU DIRTY THE HOUSE OF YOUR ANCESTORS! THE RUINATION OF THE NOBLE HOUSE OF BL-"

I manage to close the curtains, but Harry is quivering against me and wailing his little heart out.

I hug him fiercely, unsure of what else to do. James is - was always so good at this. A simple touch from him would immediately calm Harry down.

"It's okay, Harry." I kiss his forehead, avoiding the sensitive wound. "Everything's alright. The bad lady is gone now ... She makes me lose it as well.

Harry sniffles and looks up at me with wide, watery eyes. I pat his back and continue to the kitchen.

I place him in his high chair - the one James and Lily bought for my house shortly after he was born. When their home got a nasty infestation of doxies, the Potters spent countless nights with me at Grimmauld Place. They basically moved in and I absolutely LOVED having them here.

I can feel the tears brimming over my eyes at the memories of James, Lily, and I sitting in the living room - sipping on hot cocoa and watching Harry toddle around.

Harry is situated and waiting happily, but I balk on what to feed him. I remember Lily telling me about switching him to solids, but what does that even mean? I know he likes fruit, so we'll go with that. I cut up an apple and a banana in tiny pieces and mix in a few grapes. Harry squeals in delight as I place the food on his tray.

I smile as Harry smashes the banana bits in his fist and smears it all over his face. James would chuckle and wipe Harry's face clean, just to watch him dirty it up again.

James was the greatest father I've ever seen - being a dad came like a second nature to him. And Harry deserves to have James, not a shitty substitute like me. I'm not ever going to be able to match up.

BANG BANG BANG

It sounds like door is going to break off it's hinges. I am out of my seat immediately, with my wand drawn. I make sure Harry is secure in his chair before I move quickly down the hallway.

As I get closer to the front door, the shouting on the other side gets louder.

"SIRIUS! Sirius Black, you BASTARD! Open this fucking door, NOW, you TRAITOR!"

Remus.

A new, painful wave of guilt crashes over me. How could I have ever thought he was the spy?

I tuck my wand away, and open the door. I receive a blow to the face so strong, it knocks me on my arse.

Remus charges through the entryway at me, and punches and kicks every surface of my body that he can reach. I don't try to counter or stop him, I deserve it.

"How could you, Sirius? How could you?" Remus pants between blows. "He was your best friend! How could you betray them?"

I start to answer him, but Remus punches me in the nose, and a gush of blood spills into my mouth. He wraps his large hands around my neck and squeezes, closing off my airway. I hit him in the chest with my elbow, sending him staggering back. I only get on my feet and spit the rancid taste out of mouth, before Remus charges at me again.

He and I go bounding off the walls as he tries to get the upper hand. I try to pry his hands from my shoulders, but he slams me against the mirror and the shards of glass shower us.

"You need .. to listen ... to me." I croak as his hands constrict around my neck.

"I don't want to hear your LIES!" He replies.

"Remus .. Moony ... wasn't me ... it was PETER."

Remus kicks me in the knee, sending me to the floor. He moves to straddle me, but suddenly jumps back as though he's been cursed.

I roll onto my stomach to see what has frightened him so - it's Harry - standing a few feet in front of us, crying and whimpering.

I crawl to him and pull his shaking body into my arms.

"I'm sorry, baby. It's alright now. We're okay. Padfoot's sorry."

Harry calms a bit, and looks over my shoulder. He starts giggling and patting my neck.

"Mooey! Mooey!"

I turn around and look at Remus. He's crying, quietly, but the tears show no signs of stopping.

"What have you done, Sirius? What is he doing here?" Remus cries, "He's just a baby for Merlin's sake! Was this your plan all along? To kill his parents and then deliver a helpless child to Voldemort?"

I shake my head and stand up, bringing Harry with me.

"I swear on everything I have, and everything I am - it was not me. It was Peter all along ... The day before they cast the charm, I convinced them to make Peter the Secret Keeper, instead od me. I thought it would keep them safe, because no one would even guess it was him. We didn't tell you because we were sure you were the spy. I'm truly sorry for that, my friend ... But Remus you must know. You must know that I would never betray them. I would have died before betraying them."

A look of great realization passes over Remus's face, and then it's like all the air is sucked out of him. He reaches out and grasps a table to keep from falling over.

"Oh, God." He breathes, "It makes sense now ... I thought you were the spy, and when I told him that - Peter completely agreed with me. I'm guessing he did the same thing to you?"

I nod.

"But it's Peter! Is he even capable of doing something like that?"

"Think about it Moony. Think about Voldemort offering him a reward. Do you really think spineless little Peter would've been able to resist?"

Remus nods as his mouth turns down in disgust.

"I'm going to kill him, Remus." I vow.

"No, Sirius. You mustn't." He shakes his head fervently. "If you kill him, you'll go to Azkaban. I won't let you and ... James wouldn't want it."

As James's name passes his lips, I'm crying. Remus's eyes well up again as well.

I motion toward the sitting room and he follows me. Remus fills two glasses almost to the brim with firewhiskey, as I place Harry on the floor with his pile of toys. Once Harry is thoroughly distracted, I sit on the sofa opposite my friend and gulp greedily from my glass.

We sit in silence for a while, just watching Harry play. I absentmindedly rub my jaw where Remus punched me.

"Sorry about that." He says, pointing at the numerous bruises I'm sure are covering my face.

I wave my hand in dismissal.

"I would've done worse."

Remus smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes.

"How did you find out?"

Remus clears his throat and looks distantly to the side of the room.

"Dumbledore called an Order meeting late last night." He looks at me with haunted eyes. "I was sure you were the spy and Secret Keeper to begin with, and then when you didn't show up ..."

I nod and take a large drink.

"How did you find out?" Remus asks quietly.

"My neighbor came over right after it happened - he was raving drunk and reading from The Prophet article ... When he said that they'd been killed, I couldn't believe it. I got on my bike and went to their house. I saw them, Remus. I fucking saw them." I choke, "I didn't want to leave them. It gutted me hollow, but when I found Harry alive - I knew I had to get him out before people started swarming."

Remus reaches out to touch my arm gently.

"I can't even imagine," he shakes his head. "You were so brave, Sirius, and you did the right thing. I have to tell you though ... Dumbledore isn't going to let you keep Harry. At the meeting, he told us he plans to have Harry live with Lily's sister."

I feel a bolt of fury strike through my chest.

"No! He can't do that!" I exclaim, "Does he have any bloody idea what Lily's sister is like?"

"Probably, but he was adamant that Petunia's home is the safest place for him."

Remus is nervous, I can tell.

"I don't give a flying fuck." I slam my glass down on the coffee table. "Harry's mine, I'm his godfather! James and Lily trusted me to take care of him and I gave them my word that I would. Albus doesn't have a say in this."

I really expect Remus to argue with me - he's always been incredibly loyal to Dumbledore, so I'm surprised when he nods his head in agreement.

I look at Harry now. He's hugging a stuffed stag to his chest and mumbling to it unintelligibly. Suddenly, he tips over - face first onto the pillow I laid out for him; he's immediately asleep. I grab the soft blanket from the back of the sofa and cover him. Harry smiles in his sleep as I gently stroke his back.

When I look up, I see Remus watching us with equal parts affection and sadness.

"Remus, I don't have a bloody idea what I'm doing." I admit, "I'll never give him up - not ever, but I honestly haven't got a clue."

"It won't be easy, but you just have to take it day by day. I can stick around and help ... if you want." I nod eagerly and Remus smiles. "Arthur and Molly Weasley offered to take Harry at the meeting, so I'm sure they'd be happy to help out as well. They definitely know what they're doing with all of those children and their boy, Ron, is just about Harry's age."

I've always had a tremendous amount of respect for the Weasleys. Anybody who can manage a massive family like that, and be so active in the war against Voldemort and his followers, is immediately someone I'm happy to be comrades with.

"This shouldn't have happened, Sirius. All of it ... it's just so awful ... but I know, in my heart, that James is proud of you."

As much as I love Remus for saying it, it doesn't ease the turmoil inside me.

"Moony, I just ... I'm mad at the entire fucking world. I'm so bloody angry and I want to do something, anything, but it wouldn't make a damn difference now. I'm trying to keep it all together and be strong for Harry's sake, but I feel like I'm slowly losing it ... I feel like I'm losing my mind, because to me, not a single thing makes sense without them. Hell, it hasn't even been 24 hours and I miss him. Moony, I miss both of them so fucking much."

I go thoroughly and quietly to pieces - hoping I don't wake the baby. Remus comes to sit next to me and puts an arm around my shoulders. I lean into his embrace - grateful for him lending me his strength when mine is so scarce.

"I don't think it's ever going to go away," Remus says softly. "We're both still in shock and maybe some of that will go away in time, but ... I think it's always going to feel something like this. I'm angry too, Sirius. It's so incredibly cruel and unfair, and there's nothing I wouldn't give to change things ... but I can't. Neither can you. We just have to bear it and endure."

"You've always been such a wise old man, Moon." I snort out a laugh.

He starts laughing too.

"Well - one of us had to have some sense."

I notice the black rings under Remus's eyes and the way he's pulling on his ears - the two telltale signs he's about to pass out.

"You look thoroughly wiped, Moony. Why don't you stretch out here for a while? I have to go put Harry down, anyway."

Remus nods and immediately lays down.

I pick the baby up carefully, and walk upstairs back to my room. I lay down on the bed and settle the tiny form against my chest - the weight of him, and the way his little breath puffs against my neck, comforts me.

"I feel you here, mate. You haven't left, have you?" I whisper to the ghost of my best friend. Harry whimpers in his sleep and I lean down to kiss the top of his head. "I made you a promise - I'll give it my all."

I close my eyes.

In my sleep, I'm overwhelmed with dreams of Harry's growth.

WOW!

Big shout out to all of you who left so many awesome reviews on 'Until the End'. You guys rock!

I know this chapter took a while, but I'm exhausted. I know many of you will ask, so before you do - YES, Lily and James WILL APPEAR in this story, most likely in the next chapter.

I know this chapter is a bit dark and depressing, but this is a grieving period for everyone.

PLEASE REVIEW!

xoxo