I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to kill him. This is all I was thinking about while I was driving, tears streaming down my face, making my vision blurry. With the snowstorm going on outside, I didn't see anything at all. I tried to wipe away the neverending flow of tears with the back of my hand, as I thought about the bloody, limp body on the backseat of the car. The seat was a dark red, having lost its grey colour by absorbing the blood spilling from the wounds of the body, but I didn't care anymore, I was driving way too fast, not being able to make out a single thing outside of my window, and with a little chance, maybe I'd hit something or drive off a cliff, but I knew it wouldn't happen because the road was miles of asphalt going in one straight line, and it was unnocupied, there was just me, accidentally smearing blood of another as I wiped my tears. sleeves rolled up to my elbows, shirt more red than white now. I had stabed him. Over and over and over again as he screamed and screamed, but there was no one but me, blinded by the rage shooting through my body as my weapon hit again and again. They had said I was supposed to be cured now. It would be hard, I'd have to control my emotions and try to avoid the too strong ones, but he had faith in me, and I was a fool, and I started hearing the voices whispering in the back of my head, in every single cell of my body, and they drove me mad, and now he was dead.

All I ever loved, gone, by my fault.

I tried shutting down my brain, trying to force it to be numb and empty when a light cut through the snow. The white stuff seeming to part, and I saw a bridge, and one single road light. The bridge was standing over water, who wasn't frozen yet, seemingly defying the laws of nature. I was a nature's freak too, we'd go well together. I felt the tires rolling on the bridge and steered right, breaking apart the fence, already weakned by years of standing and having to brace against storms of all sorts. The front tires left the pavement and started dipping forwards, and I let gravity do its work, pulling us down towards the water, and I felt like I was gone. The windshield shattered and exploded as we hit the freezing cold water, at the edge of turning into ice. As the water rushed in, I felt my heart and mind turning to ice too. What an effective way of numbing feelings, I thought. The water kept flooding the car, as we sinked, pressure starting to build in my ears, and as the liquid took inches of my body, I saw it turning red from the blood, the escaping the confined space and being replaced by clean water, and so on. As it washed the blood, I felt like it also washed what I had done, I was re-arranging the balance of the world. I killed the one I loved most of all, I died too. It seemed fair. I was now underwater from neck down. Funny how it all seemed so long. Maybe I was just thinking too fast. ''I'm so sorry, I love you, I hope you'll visit me when you're in heaven and I'm in hell'' It was a whisper, but I didn't need to talk loudly for him to hear me, if he could. I would've said more, but the river washed away my words, and I was set free.