Mia Fey, not willing to commit murder, nonetheless couldn't resist the urge to act out her grudge against a certain Dahlia Hawthorne. But, if not by death, then how?

Finally, she had an idea.

She quietly entered the restaurant where Dahlia was having dinner with her boyfriend, Phoenix Wright. It was Mia's intention to prove to him that his "perfect little Dollie" did, in fact, poop.

She somehow managed to replace Dahlia's after-dinner mint with a laxative. Then she sat back a few tables away to watch the show.

"Are you okay, Dollie?" said Phoenix.

"I'm fine, Feenie," said Dahlia, "just fine." The pained looked on her face told different story, not that our oh-so-clueless Wright noticed this.

Mia watched gleefully. Surely Dahlia would have to go poop now?

But no, Mia's redheaded nemesis did all she could to hold back the laxative-induced assplosion. No doubt she was on to Mia's plot, and was going through all this suffering just to spite her.

"Did I ever tell you about my childhood friend, Miles Edgeworth?" said Phoenix.

"I'd love to hear about it," said Dahlia, now having to crap so bad she could hardly stand still.

"Some money was stolen from Edgeworth when we were still in school. The class wanted to put me on trial, although I now believe it was just an excuse to bully an unpopular classmate. Anyway, Edgeworth stepped up and defended me. I always thought he'd be a great defense attorney one day, but they he vanished from my life. And now he's come back as a prosecutor."

"Yeah, I'm actually sort of acquainted with him. I was a witness at a trial he'd prosecuted." By this point, even a blind man could see Dahlia was in agony. But still she refused to let Mia win.

"Who won?"

"Sad to say, nobody really won that trial."

"Except you, you fucking bitch," Mia said under her breath. Seriously, even Dahlia has to have her limits.

"If you don't mind, Feenie , I'm ready to go home now," said Dahlia.

"Sure thing, Dollie," said Phoenix.

The happy couple (well, Phoenix was happy, anyway) walked to Dahlia's house, with Mia secretly following them. Oh, to see the look on that idiot's face when his girlfriend shit herself right next to him. Mia could hardly wait.

But no, Dahlia made it home and went inside without incident, no doubt bolting to the toilet the moment Phoenix could no longer see her.

Just then, he noticed Mia following him.

"Funny to see you," he said. "Dollie talked about you earlier."

"Really?" said Mia. "What did she say?"

"Not a whole lot I could understand. It's funny. I've never seen Dollie get up to use the bathroom. I guess I was right about her, and she really doesn't poop."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Mia ran home, cursing whatever gods were up there.

"What a crazy lady. I hope never to see her again." Phoenix went home, looking forward to another date with his perfect, non-pooping Dollie.

THE END