Feedback is always welcome and appreciated, I would love to hear any comments you might have. Thanks to GSFanatic for the beta, 'cause she has to listen to my crazy rantings and make them not so crazy.
He had a dream once. It was after a triple shift and one terrible migraine. When he finally was able to close his eyes, he dreamed about Sara Sidle. It was not the first time he dreamed about her, but this one was different. He dreamed they worked together for years and years, and while there was definite interest on both their parts, it took something drastic to finally get them together. It was the most frustrating dream he ever had.
When he woke up, he knew it was only a dream. Because it never would have taken years. If he was single when he met her for the first time, it would have taken days, if not hours. And if she was single when they met again, it would be the same story. It was always about timing. It was always about fate. And the dream was wrong, because it never would have happened like that. He was mad at his subconscious for even suggesting it could happen that way.
Things were different now that he lost his chance. Now divorced, he does think about what could have been more often than he used to. The dream he had, it pisses him off. Because when he met her, he was different. He was not this old, burned out man that could barely face going to work every day to face a bitter supervisor that should have been replaced years ago and a bunch of angsty CSIs that were in need of a good leader. He still loved to give seminars, loved seeing a brand new crop of students, most of which were eager to learn. If he had an especially bad day, all he had to do was find a roller coaster to make it all better. He hadn't quite lost faith in humanity yet, but he was getting there.
His mentor, the man who trained him to be a CSI, told him that eventually it happens. It always happens. You can think all you want that the cases, the bodies, the people aren't going to get to you. But one day you'll wake up and you'll wonder if you can do it again. You'll wake up and wonder how you're going to get dressed, eat something, go to work and see more dead bodies. He didn't think it would ever happen to him, but it did. He was burned out and used up.
His wife was a good woman and she put up with a lot over the years. Most of the time she ignored his tendency towards being a workaholic, because as a doctor, she was guilty of the same thing. But one day, after being married for 20 years, at least 15 of those years being good ones, they came home at the same time and realized they hardly even recognized each other anymore. And that was the beginning of the end.
They had a daughter, she was beautiful, shy, and smart. He sent her off to college with a smile on his face, knowing she'd leave her mark on the world. Now out of college and in law school, she called him every couple of days.
"I'm worried about you, Dad," she'd say. "Have you found anyone yet?"
He had, years ago in San Francisco, but he didn't tell his daughter that. He didn't tell anyone that, especially not the woman from San Francisco. Besides, he heard she was married now, which didn't surprise him. Why wouldn't she be?
If things were different, it could have been him. In a different world, if he was a different man, it could have been him.
This was not how she envisioned her life. She had a plan of what she wanted to do with herself by the time she was 8 years old. Laura Sidle had never been very ambitious, married the first man she slept with and had babies as soon as she could, and she did not want to be like that. She wanted to be a cop, like she saw on those TV shows. The cops she talked to at the hospital were always really nice and understanding; she wanted to be like them.
But as she got older, she took an interest in science. Science was always there when she needed it; it was easy. Science gave her answers when nothing else, or nobody else, would. She didn't know she could mix the two until later in her life, so by the time she was 15, she'd given up on the dream to be a cop. By 15; she'd seen things that would make even the more seasoned cops cringe, anyway.
At Harvard, she took a class on forensics. Every class at Harvard interested her; she was always so anxious to learn something new. But the class on forensics fascinated her. The professor talked about crime scene investigating, and how scientists could use their knowledge and experience to catch criminals in the act. When she walked out of that class, she knew her life was about to change. Her dream of being a cop wasn't that far out of reach anymore.
After graduating, she got a job at the lab in San Francisco and quickly moved up the ranks. When her boss sent her to the Forensics Academy Conference for a week, she was excited to learn something new about her chosen career. She went to the seminar thinking it would be exactly like the last one. The speaker would probably be old as dirt and as grating as nails on a chalkboard, it seemed like they all were. The subject matter would be interesting, but not fascinating. And she would probably be fighting the urge to put her head down and just take a tiny little nap.
But again, her life was changed by a single class. The man was a brilliant speaker. He was funny without being dumb, interesting without being pompous, intelligent without being boring, and, well, gorgeous. After the lecture was over, she approached him and asked him way too many questions regarding anthropology and forensics. She couldn't help herself, not even if she tried. There was just something about him, something that she couldn't turn away from. And sometimes, when the light was right, she sensed that he felt the same way.
But he had a ring on his finger and eventually he had to leave. Everything was different after he went back to Vegas a week after she met him. Things changed. She dated a few guys, but it would never go past a second or third date. She found herself looking forward to his emails more than she liked going on dates. Eventually, she decided this needed to change, so she got herself a real boyfriend He was a relatively nice guy, but in her heart she knew she could never love him, or anyone else, as much as she could have come to love Gil Grissom. But he was married, and he was gone, so when Robert asked her to marry him, she said yes. It was the easiest decision she ever made.
It wasn't like she wasn't happy, like they weren't happy together. There were plenty of good times. He was a nice guy and never laid a hand on her. He was nothing like her father, and she felt nothing like her mother. Most of the time. Sometimes she felt that urge she knew her mother must have felt, and it terrified her.
But when they held hands while walking down the street or kissed or made love, she could never shake the feeling that she was with the wrong person. He'd never be the one she wanted. She met the man she was meant to be with, but it wasn't the right time. Now she was married, and it never could be the right time. They still kept in touch with the occasional email, but none of the emails ever contained what was left unsaid between them. That's how it had been, and that's the way it would be.
She would never tell anyone, but she was a big believer in fate and karma. She felt whatever she sent out to the universe, it would be returned to her in some kind of way. And the day she got the email asking her to come to Vegas, she knew it had come back to her, giving her a second chance.