Disclaimer: Have I ever said I owned Twilight? Okay, maybe once, but that was just a joke. Oh wait, make that twice. I forgot about the time with Roger and Emmett...anyways, I don't own Twilight. However, I am certain I may, very soon, actually, own something of my own. If I ever get off my lazy butt and finish writing it.

I am here to tell you about all the things people do on Fanfiction-stereotypes, Mary Sues and Gary Stus, and things of the like.

These will be chapters made entirely of what not to do in a fanfiction. Most of these will be totally random instances. Some will not be in the Twilightverse. And most will be slightly exaggerated. And when I say slightly, I actually mean it. You have been warned.

Some chapters may become quite outrageous, so I take no liability if you either fall out of your chair laughing, or you get hit by a truck or something.

On that note, on with the faux-paus!

Chapter One-Fairy on Steroids

Alice's stereotype-can it get any worse?

"OEMGEE BELLA! I JUST GOT THIS IN THE MAIL!" Alice screeched, running into Bella's house. Because she does that sometimes.

"Huh?" Bella said, looking up from her book as Alice burst through her bedroom door. Quite literally, actually. And she didn't even knock first.

"LOOK LOOK LOOK!" she squealed, opening the magazine she held in her hands and jabbing a finger vaguely towards the Celebrity Mistakes page.

"Well Gwyneth definitely could have picked a better dress. And Taylor-"

"DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE? NO, I DON'T! SO STFU, BIOTCH, AND LOOK AT THIS SEXY BEAST!" Alice screamed, slapping Bella. She resumed her vague finger jabbing.

Bella rubbed her cheek, being used to Alice's hyperness. The voices in her head had made sure of that.

She another attempt at guessing which picture Alice's vague finger jabbing was directed at. "I don't see anything wrong with Robert Pattinson. Why is he on this page?"

Alice looked at her in disbelief for a full three minutes and forty-two-point-six-nine seconds, her mouth agape, not breathing. Then, just as suddenly(which was very, by the way), she began breathing again. And probably thinking, if that had ever happened in her brain in the first place. And yelling.

"HE'S WEARING LIPSTICK!"

"OH!"

"YEAH!"

"WHY AM I YELLING?"

"IDK, WHY ARE YOU YELLING?"

"BECAUSE YOU WERE YELLING?"

"PROBABLY. ANYWAYS, I STILL THINK HE'S HOT. EVEN IF I'M MARRIED, BECAUSE I DON'T CARE."

"I prefer Edward," Bella said, wishing Edward was with her just then, even if she knew he and his family had to hunt. Except for Alice. Alice never hunts. She always stays home when the rest of the Cullens go hunting. She only shops. And she always takes Bella with her. Because she doesn't have anything better to do. Like hunt.

And with that, Alice turned and pranced gracefully like a dancing water fairy out of Bella's room, clicking her tongue in a scolding manner.

"Bella, Bella, Bella. You have no taste."

As she danced fluidly like a fluttering butterfly out of Bella's house and down the street, Charlie poked his head into the hallway from his bedroom.

"What the hell?"

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