A/N: Okay...I hope that I can keep this idea up...it was hard enough to get this one out...just ask Catbeist, hehe!! Okay, here you will be able to read, in my twisted imagination what the boys think after each episode...I made it seem as if they had MySpace sites and set up blogs, and you will see it is set up that way. Now we know that Sammy is the technical wiz and Dean can barely find his way to a decent pick-up line, hehe. Okay, enough man bashing. Just hope that you enjoy what I have them say...It was hard writing for Sammy since he is the collegiate and knows all them big words of which Dean picks on him for all the time. Me, unless I have a Thesaurus handy I can barely give ya a word that has more then three syllables. I admit it, I am no Shakespeare, hell I ain't even a Hemingway...but we have gone of the path here...

Anyway...like I said, simply enjoy for the sake of the idea. Whether I can keep these up is up in the air right now, but here is the first in what, 22?? Oy vay...

Disclaimer: Eric Kripke owns almost everything, I only own the basic idea and plot...

Sam's Blog...

October 5, 2007 - Friday

This is Sam Winchester, the time is nearly three in the morning. It has been a week since my brother made the deal. So much has gone down tonight that I need to put fingers to keys before I go mad. My head is filled with so much anxiety that I fear that I just might. This is my only way of venting how I feel about everything. I have to do this is as Dean sleeps. He can not know anything, at least not yet.

Looking through that book made me all the more insane as time went on. I knew there was nothing in there to save my brother, Bobby did not have to confirm that for me, but damned if I was not going to try anyways. I love him more than anything but I am not going to sit idly by while he plays Lothario and chases after anything that breathes. I just can't watch that anymore. I know he only has a year to live, gave his life up for me, but he is being selfish, so damned selfish. He treats his body like it is a garbage can and cares not one iota.

It was bad enough I had to walk in on him and the twins, but for him to be so nonchalant about it, act like it was something he did all the time, it just sickened me. I hide my feelings about all of this from him knowing if I showed them it would anger him more than he is at this point, and the guilt would eat at him, killing him quicker than any roadside daemon could even fathom. I could not deal with that burden so I stash it all away.

Who were Tamara and Isaac? Bobby knew them yet did not seem to want to discuss anything with us. They were hunters and had terrible pasts like us but of course anyone we seem to come into contact with lately does. Something strange happened to their daughter but what? And by whom?

The saddest thing was, they reminded me of Jess and I. That love they seemed to have no matter the pain, it transcended through years of terror and hurt. For them to be able to hold it together after their daughter was taken from them made me feel for them, then for Tamara to lose her husband the way she did...I feel her pain.

I just pray that after she left that she can learn to be strong and not take all this torment to heart and instead use it to battle the outer daemons for those are the ones that can cause the most damage at this time and place. As long as she does not use this as a cause for revenge. That would be the worst thing Tamara could possibly do. It would eat away at her forever and she would never be whole again.

The blonde, the blonde...There is this strange feeling I got when I first encountered her. I knew she was following me, felt her presence. Where did she come from and why didn't Bobby sense her? She came out of nowhere attacking the three sins, slicing them like butter, and with a knife that could actually kill daemons. Even Bobby was puzzled. I must find her again, there is something about her, something odd that I just can not place.

I hear Dean waking as I type this, so I know that I must finish. The light is beginning to break through the windows. Jesus it is nearly quarter to six. Have I been here this long? Did anything I say make any sense at all? Well, once I sleep for a few hours, things might sound a bit more coherent. Now I need to end it here. I pray things turn out for the better, yet in our line of work, nothing ever does.

5:43 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

Dean's Blog...

October 5, 2007 - Friday

Okay...how the hell do I do this shit?? Normally I am hardly ever on and I usually let geek boy do all the researching on Google. What the hell does Google mean anyways??

Okay...um, let's see, uh testing one, two, three...No wait that's not right. I sound like such an ass, but oh well. Whoever said I was Steven Hawkins?

God, there is so much crap on the internet these days. I go to boring sites like yahoo to check e-mails from people I probably in a million years will never get the chance to get back to, then screw around on YouTube for a while. Hehe, I saw this one video about a cat slamming into a plate glass window. Funny shit.

Man...tonight was a hell of a ride. I am surprised I could even sleep after all that. Poor Sam was up later than usual trying to figure something out from that damned book he always carries with him now. I tried to talk to him about it, but he just glared at me. I guess that fight we had made him a bit pissy. Yet I understand 100 percent. He has every right to be angry at me; I gave him the ammunition and the gun to use it. I have been stubborn lately and just too blind to see it. Some brother I turned out to be.

Maybe I should be paying better attention to Sammy than the girls, but when you only have a year to live, to tend to take advantage of that, and Sheila and Bonnie were a huge advantage to take hold of. Twins, yummy. A dream for the millennium and something every growing boy needs. Yes I am a pervert, but nothing is going to stop me. Just hope none of them come back to me one day saying I'm a daddy. That would be utterly terrifying. Chills dude. Not that I wouldn't mind kids, just not with the life we have now...Can't exactly fit kids in between demons and dying. Not a very good situation.

Now I did figure out, after screwing around for like half an hour plus the fact that Sam is not that smart about passwords, how to get into his MySpace page. I mean 'hunter?' Could you be any more dense brainiac?? At least now I know what this thing is...and I was right, it is a porn site!!! Have you seen some of the sites people list here??? Hugh Hefner would blush...

Well at least Sam's is normal, or at least normal-ish. A blue background with a picture of some band I have never seen before or even heard of. Who the hell is Green Day?? Never tried to look for a little AC/DC or maybe even Led Zeppelin?? They do rule ya know?? Oh well, you train them but they just fall off every time.

"Looking through that book made me all the more insane as time went on. I knew there was nothing in there to save my brother, Bobby did not have to confirm that for me, but damned if I was not going to try anyways. I love him more than anything but I am not going to sit idly by while he plays Lothario and chases after anything that breathes. I just can't watch that anymore. I know he only has a year to live, gave his life up for me, but he is being selfish, so damned selfish. He treats his body like it is a garbage can and cares not one iota."

(I care...I just like it...sorry about that!!)

"It was bad enough I had to walk in on him and the twins, but for him to be so nonchalant about it, act like it was something he did all the time, it just sickened me. I hide my feelings about all of this from him knowing if I showed them it would anger him more than he is at this point, and the guilt would eat at him, killing him quicker than any roadside daemon could even fathom. I could not deal with that burden so I stash it all away."

Oh Sammy, what the hell is wrong with you? I know you have this deep seeded need to save my ass, but leave it alone! Things will round themselves out in the end and I will be fine with whatever the outcome. And somehow, as time passes I know you will be to. Please take time to live your own life as I have, and you will see there are more things out there than ghoulies, ghosties and long-legged beasties. Some things are better left undiscovered.

Now you know damned well that you can tell me anything...Wait a minute, why the hell am I telling all of this shit to a computer screen? I feel like a geek, like I should be wearing a goddamned pocket protector and quoting from Star Wars or something. "Luke I am your Father..." Okay never mind...moving on.

All that aside, never forget Sam that you CAN tell me anything. Don't be afraid to express your feelings, as long as they don't get too chicky okay? Weepy moments are better left for Julia Robert movies were she dies halfway through the film...that is the last time I watch Lifetime at 2 in the morning.

"I guess they blame me...I can see the looks they give when they don't think I am looking. I saw how Dean looked at me when Isaac said it was our fault these things were out. Dean doesn't mean it, but he does have a hidden grudge that even he doesn't know about. Hell I even blame myself. Yet I never asked to be the son of Satan. The Yellow Eyed chose me not the other way around. There is nothing that can be done about it. I just have to live with the fact that I may end up becoming the very thing we hunt."

Okay once again...STOP IT!!!! It is not your fault that the world is going to hell in a goddamned hand cart. Things just have a tendency to fall apart around us is all...okay that did not help any. Just ignore me, it's nearly seven in the morning and I am still trying to figure out what the hell this MySpace shit is...

I do not blame you, nor do I have any animosity (yes I know what animosity means dumb ass) towards you. It was all a random act of events that none of us could have really truly foreseen.

Okay, now the son of Satan?? Did you get a triple 6 tattooed on your ass when I was not looking or what? That is total and utter bullshit Sammy. As long as I am here nothing can hurt you, and I mean nothing...So once again, stop it. Don't make me kick your ass okay?

Okay I can not take any more of this...I am getting a headache. I need to log off this before Sam wakes and finds out what I did, of course it's not like he won't when he reads all this, and I know he will. He's a lot smarter than I give him credit for, contrary to popular belief. I just pray that this does not come to a head in the morning. I couldn't stand to fight with him after all of this...

6:48 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove