Will to Live
Summary: What if Soto wasn't immediately dead at the end of Ice Age 1?
Diego was exhausted. To travel with Manny and Sid wasn't easy and it had been days since he had something to eat. Before that there had been the fight with the humans, when half of his former pack had been killed, then the second fight which had lead to the strange happenings which brought him here… lying in the snow, hurt, bleeding and nearly dying.
Diego had sent his new friends away. They had to get the baby back to the human pack or herd – for the first time Diego wondered if humans lived in herds or in packs. Well, maybe he would never know. But Diego decided if he could get up he wouldn't die here, lying in the snow for everyone who came by to see. He didn't want the vultures to find him too soon.
If he was going to die, he wanted to die at least with a bit of dignity. Somehow he managed to drag himself to the rocks and found shelter there. He lay down next to Soto's body using the bigger sabertooth tiger as a shield against the wind. Then everything went black.
When Diego opened his eyes he saw snow. It took him a while to realize he wasn't dead. This wasn't heaven or hell or someplace else – this was the world as he knew it and it was his body as he knew it. He was cold but the coldness numbed him from the pain of his wounds. Soto hat slashed his shoulder, it was a nasty gash and it would take month to heal, that is, if he survived somehow…
Diego blinked and tried to move. A sharp pain in his shoulder made him wince and brought him finally to his senses. Why was he still alive? Shouldn't he have been frozen by now? Then he realized that Soto's body was still warm – at least it kept a rest of warmth. That meant the sabertooth cat was still alive.
"Soto?" Diego asked softly, moving away a few feet expecting an attack. Soto blinked and opened his eyes. "What happened?" Soto asked.
Diego kept silent, not knowing what the bigger saber would do now. Soto tried to get up. He pushed himself up with his forelegs, let out a frustrated growl, tried again, failed again and sank to the ground.
"That damned mammoth bull!" Soto roared. "My spine is broken."
Diego kept silent. He knew what that meant. Soto would never be able to move again. He was helpless as a newborn cub – but there would be no one to help him. Soto would die of cold and hunger soon. This was a fate sabertooth tigers were used to. Most of them died because of hunting accidents or fights. Only very few died of old age.
Soto looked around and found Diego lying nearby, staring at him. "What are you staring at, traitor? Want to gloat at my misery?" he spat. Diego shook his head and answered nearly softly: "You wound me too, remember? I lost blood and can't use my right foreleg."
Both stayed silent for a moment. Then Soto spoke, much softer this time: "So it seems we are going to die together, are we." Diego nodded.
"What happened after we attacked the mammoth? Where are the others?"
"I don't really know you knocked me nearly unconscious. I think they ran away when the mammoth threw you into the wall. Do you think they would come back?"
"That would be great – maybe they would punish you for your betrayal." Soto managed to grin somehow. "On the other hand – I think killing you would be mercy. Leaving you to starvation and freezing is a far more appropriate punishment and I hope you have much time to think about your traitorous acts."
Diego said nothing. It wasn't necessary to answer promptly, they had so much time now.
Soto moved a little bit so he could hold his head up. "Tell me why, Diego!" Soto commanded. "I'm dying because of your betrayal – in a way, you murdered me. I think I have a right to know why." Soto's voice was harsh, but not as harsh as Diego would have expected. He thought about it and suddenly realized just how right Soto was.
Diego lowered his head in shame as he answered: "When I was with the herd, the mammoth saved my life. I owed him a life dept. I couldn't betray them." "So you decided to betray your pack instead." This wasn't a question. Diego nodded. "Either way I would be a traitor."
"But why did you help them? Your first loyalty lies with your own species, your pack!"
"A herd is something different than a pack. There is so much trust, so much love, so much… I can't explain, but in a herd everyone would give his life for his comrades, in a pack not. If you were in Manny's situation, you would have left me to die. You would never risk your life to save another one."
"You know, Diego, I never trusted you." Soto said. "Then why did you make me your second in command?" "Because you were stronger and cleverer that the rest of the pack."
"True, Soto. You are bigger than me, stronger than me, maybe even faster than me. But I always knew I was smarter than you."
"So you think you should have been the leader, is that it?" Soto grinned wearily.
"Maybe."
"Then why didn't you challenge me for leadership?"
"Because I knew I would have lost. That's the difference between us, Soto, I know my chances and I know when it is worth fighting. You never knew."
"I led the pack five years and did a good job."
"Yes, until you started to mess with humans. The human herd was too big to mess with. I told you. I told you we should hide until they left."
"We are sabertooth tigers, you coward! Aren't you ashamed?" Soto spat disgusted.
"Because I wanted to live?"
"They killed half our pack and are wearing their skins!" Soto roared.
"They would never have found us."
"You betrayed them – you betrayed our dead friends."
"They are dead anyway. Killing the baby wouldn't bring them back."
"I wanted to avenge them, so humans would never again dare mess with sabers."
"See how short-sighted you think? Killing one human baby who is not even large enough everyone of us would get at least one bite wouldn't do any good. Humans are stupid. They can't even talk. The senses of humans are so limited, they wouldn't even know it was us who took their baby. They wouldn't understand anything." Diego blurted out. Now he could tell Soto whatever he had wanted to tell him but never dared to do so because Soto would have punished him. Now that Soto was no longer able to hurt him there was no reason to keep his mouth shut. "Your next mistake was not letting me kill the baby then and there. I could have killed it in it's resting place." "Don't blame me for your failure, traitor!"
They glared at each other, both knowing they could do nothing else for neither one was capable of a fight right now.
Soto sighed. "Care to tell me what happened after you lost the baby at the waterfall?"
"Why?" "I was just wondering." "Since there is nothing else we can do…"
"The mammoth and the sloth had found the baby before I arrived. I couldn't fight the mammoth alone so I tried to convince them I was only returning the baby to its herd. They didn't trust me, so I came up with a different idea, I promised to help them finding the humans, so I could travel with them, hoping for an opportunity to steal the baby. But that was impossible, that's why I decided to lead them to the ambush. Then there was the accident with the lava – the mammoth risked his life to save me. They accepted me as a member of their herd. I felt guilty because he saved me and I was leading him to his death, betraying his great trust."
Soto laughed. "You called me short-sighed but this mammoth is simply stupid. Trusting a sabertooth tiger, even worse, trusting you. You have always been a gifted liar. That's why I never fully trusted you."
Diego smiled as if Soto had complimented him. "Since I'll never have your strength I had to use my brain. Every fool can tell the truth, but a good lie is fare more challenging."
Soto shook his head. "I still don't understand why you decided to betray us in the end."
"I told you – they trusted me without any doubt, they risked their lives to save me, they… they became my friends. Not like our comrades in our pack, where I always had to be careful not to show the slightest sign of weakness or they would challenge me. I mean, they became real friends. I became part of their herd, so my first loyalty lies with them, no longer with you. I was so tired of the constant fighting and mistrust in the pack."
"You were the liar in our pack. You would cheat, lie, betray, you filthy scum!"
"O yes, thanks to your incompetent leadership I had to."
"Incompetent?" Soto roared and tried to get up again.
Diego only shrugged. "Your spine is broken you'll never get up again. Accept that."
They fell silent for a while. Diego had to think about what Soto had said. Had he really been that bad? Of course he had lied, but only when it was necessary. He wouldn't lie if the truth would do. In some way Soto was right – Diego had betrayed them. He had to choose between his pack and his herd. Either way he would be a traitor. There was no right or wrong, there were only two wrong options. There had been no other way, but that didn't make it right.
Then he looked at Soto, who was half covered with snow by now. Soto wouldn't make it much longer. So if he wanted to apologize, he had to do it now. Did he really want to beg for forgiveness?
"Soto – can you still hear me?" he asked softly. Soto nodded.
"Soto, I am sorry I betrayed you. I know you will not forgive me, you have never been the forgiving type, but I want you to know I am really sorry."
Soto laughed mockingly: "Why do you say that? You know it won't help me a bit. You say that out of the selfish wish to die redeemed. Forget it – I won't forgive you, traitor. You are a liar, a traitor, a murderer and – worst of all – a coward. You do not even dare to face your guilt or even live with it. You don't deserve to be a sabertooth tiger."
"That's not true!" Diege screamed furious.
Soto grinned: "Isn't it? Then why are you still here in the snow when you could have started to walk south hours ago? I think you are too cowardly to live with the shame and the guilt of your deeds."
"I can't walk."
"Is your spine broken or mine? I can't move my legs you can move all four legs and use at least three of them."
Diego tried to think of an answer to that. Maybe Soto was right? Soto couldn't get up, he could, no matter how much it hurt or how slowly he would walk – he could walk. So why didn't he try? He had a chance to save himself, why wouldn't he take it? Maybe Soto was right, he somehow felt, deep within, he was no longer worthy to live. A traitor he was, a liar, he had betrayed everyone's trust in only one week. Would he ever be able to redeem himself? Or would one crime only lead to another one?
Or was it rather cowardice? He was afraid to face his guilt and someday somehow he would have to do it. Dying would be the easier way. Or would it be just an easy escape? Running away like any cowardly prey instead of facing it and dealing with it like a sabertooth tiger was supposed to do?
Diego sighed. He hat betrayed Manny and Sid, Manny saved his life – and Diego had somehow tried to redeem himself by betraying his pack. Did this make him bad to the core? Or was it he was bad and therefore unable to come up with any solution which did not include another betrayal? Well, he couldn't change that now.
He could only try to do better in the future.
With that thought, he stood up. It hurt, but he clenched his teeth and remained on his paws.
"Leaving old Soto to die alone, are we?" Soto mocked.
"Thank you, Soto, for everything. If it wasn't for what you said I might have given up but right now I am determined to prove you wrong."
"How?"
"I'll return to my herd. And then I start a new live. I don't know if I can live with the guilt of what I did but I will not sneak away and die – I will face it and I will survive."
Diego turned round and started to limp away. It wasn't easy, every step hurt like fire lacing up his foreleg. When he turned round, he saw Soto crawling behind him.
"What the hell are you doing?" Diego asked.
"If a coward like you goes out in the snowstorm in the middle of the night, hurt, hungry, exhausted like you are then I will not stay." Soto answered, his teeth clenched in pain.
"You are the bravest sabertooth tiger I ever met. It was an honour to be your second in command." Diego said. They might be enemies by now but he had to respect Soto's courage. Soto wouldn't give up, even if they knew it was a lost cause.
"I wish I could say the same" Soto growled.
Diego turned round and went to Soto. "Let me carry you" he offered.
"You are a fool, Diego, you can barely walk yourself and want to carry me? You would only die with me. And what good would that do? Would you carry me around, nurse me, feed me for the rest of my life? Forget it I'd rather die than live on the mercy of others."
"A fool I might be, but I'll live to prove you wrong. To my shame I have to confess that I am a traitor. But I will live to redeem myself in the eyes of my own conscience, my friends and maybe even in your eyes."
"I doubt that" Soto said with a faint smile "but you are the bravest coward I ever met. Good luck to you, traitor!"
"Good luck to you too, Soto, mighty leader of the pack."
Diego dragged himself through the snow. He hoped he was heading south, but he couldn't be sure. Every step was painful and he was cold, so terribly cold. He felt nauseous because of the loss of blood, the pain and the hunger. Maybe he should lie down and die like Soto, who must have been dead by now.
But then he told himself that Soto hadn't given up, even with his broken spine and useless legs. So he wouldn't give up either. He was no coward and he would manage somehow to start a new life, without lies, cheating and treachery.
One step. Don't think about the miles that lie before you. Think only of the next step. One step more. And another one. Only one more step. Step, step, step.
Diego smiled as he saw the sunrise. He had survived the last night, though he didn't know how. Maybe it was pure discipline and an iron will that kept him walking by now for he was numb with coldness and pain, his body would have given in to the pain long ago.
He was heading south, straight ahead. And then he saw something before him. It was a mammoth and a sloth and a baby.
I'm sorry for my bad English - if there are really big mistakes please let me know.
I thought about writing this story when I watched Ice Age 1 again and again and suddenly noticed that no one in the sabertooth tiger pack really trusted Diego. There was so much distrust, were did it come from?
And why would Diego get up in the end after he really thought he was going to die?
Well, this is the story I came up with.
How do you like it?