Constant
Disclaimer: Kishimoto Masashi owns Naruto and all its incarnations, I simply twist his words.
Summary: She was there throughout his life, never pushing nor doing anything truly pivotal to his existence but she watched and perhaps that was what was most unnerving. She watched as if she knew him. As if she knew what he would become. SasuSaku Cannon-ish AU
There was something strange about that girl – something incredibly and frighteningly otherworldly about her and her persona.
It wasn't obvious to the other children and it went beyond the notice of the adults but he knew there was something odd about Haruno Sakura. He didn't know why only he could see her strangeness, the blatant wrongness in her mannerisms, but he did. It shined and blinked so brightly and annoyingly in his face that he simply could not ignore it as the others seemed to do.
She was simply unnatural.
Sasuke often wondered why he felt this way about this particular classmate. Certainly her hair was an oddity – it was pink after all – and green eyes were hardly as common as the blacks and browns or even the blues that the citizens of Konoha often sported. But there was something peculiar about how she behaved that had him wishing that he could forget about Uchiha propriety and just shake her while screaming, "What's wrong with you?"
Something in him told Sasuke that she wasn't supposed to be like this. She wasn't supposed to be different from the others. In fact, something told him that she was supposed to be exactly like everyone else, the annoying fan girls that followed and cooed stupidly over his dark looks and the boys who enviously wished they had his natural skills. She was not meant to be this quiet girl who watched the world with appraising eyes; who watched him as if she knew his inner most thoughts.
She was probably more annoying than any of the other girls because of that single aspect. It made her stand out – unique. She was supposed to be average, nothing just like the others – or at least that's what he told himself to think.
He does not like the distraction that she poses.
So he tries to ignore her because that's what Kaa-san and Tachi-nii always say to do.
"If you can't say anything nice Sasu-chan than its better to not say anything at all."
"It is better to ignore than confront."
And he almost succeeds – would've succeeded, he likes to believe, if it weren't for the other beliefs that Kaa-san and Tachi-nii instilled in him.
"You should always help those in need."
"Shinobi are strong to protect the defenseless, Sasuke."
He kind of wishes he could forget those words – if only momentarily – when he's faced with a scene he can't – won't walk away from.
"Hey forehead girl, your parents must be real ashamed of you, huh?" Tug. Smirk. Cackle.
"I mean, I would be if I had a forehead monster for a kid!" Grin. Laugh. Shove.
They're just a bunch of kids really, hardly any older than him, but they're civilians and he's an Uchiha. Already they are mismatched.
He steps away from his position in front of a particularly good practice tree and walks to the small crowd of jeering children. "Move," he says with confidence. It's much more than he feels inside because though he's an Uchiha, they are bigger and rougher looking and though he's no stranger to pain, their punches still look like they'd hurt.
They look at him – a bit stupidly Sasuke thinks – and sneer, "What's it to you?" They look him up and down, his back and insignia facing away from their sizing view. Even they knew better to mess with an Uchiha.
"You gonna help little Miss Forehead?" They didn't like being interrupted during their entertainment and their tone is as superior as their stance is threatening. They are beneath him and he doesn't even grace them with another word. Instead, he decides to incline his head in affirmation, imitating his brother when he is dealing with nuisances.
Annoyed, a larger boy decides to show the younger raven whose boss in this playground. Not a second later, he's on the ground, wrist barely sprained from a mostly ineffectual flip and groaning to pain that he's unused to.
Wary, the other taunting children scatter leaving the injured bully to scamper away from the shinobi child and the young girl they were taunting.
Sasuke turns. "You okay?" and he almost expects the girl to be looking at him with grateful and teary eyes, adoring him for saving her from the bullies. He almost but doesn't.
And he was right not to. Instead of water-tracks, her face is dry, clean save for a few dirt smudges left by the crowd's childish cruelty. Her too-green eyes stare at him unblinkingly.
Disbelief.
Curiosity.
Apprehension.
And a whole mirage of other emotions flickers through those suddenly glassy orbs before fading and refocusing on him.
The gaze feels heavy, as if she knows every little lie and every resentful thought that passed through his fairly innocent six year-old mind.
He finds that he doesn't like her looking at him so he clears his throat in an un-Uchiha-like cough and repeats his question.
She nods. "Yeah." She says it so flippantly that he vaguely wonders if she really needed saving or if she was merely waiting for someone – someone not him – to come by and realize her false distress.
Then he wonders if she would've acted as nonchalantly as she is now. Probably not, because he's seen her game of pretending around others and a bitter-like clench plays with his insides not unlike the jealous squeeze he feels when Otou-sama lavishes Tachi-nii with attention.
She acts normal with them.
Awkwardly he nods. He's never had to deal with girls other than the occasional brush off but he's sure that any encounter he could've had with the opposite sex wouldn't have been this stunted. The only compensation he can find is that she, though still as unwavering in her stare down, sounds as lost as he does with their proximity.
"Your hand…"
What?
He looks at where she's staring and sees that she's looking at a particularly deep gouge he got from a mishandled shuriken. He had forgotten about that. Kaa-san will be mad to find that he didn't tend to the wound right away and irately, he unravels a bit of the bandages on his left leg to wrap his bleeding hand before turning to retrieve the rest of his weapons.
"You should get that cleaned first."
He throws a glance over his shoulder and sees she's still staring intently at his hand, her own fisted in her dress as if to keep them from moving.
"I'll get it cleaned later."
He catches her eyes and finds her frowning before the emotion is gone and replaced with that same complacent appraisal, searching for something he's not too sure he wants her to find.
He goes home.
.:.
There's a small pouch on his desk the next day filled with clean bandages, ointment, and disinfectant wipes.
.:.
Its two years later and he still finds Haruno Sakura odd – not as much as before but still odd. She spends most of her days with that Yamanaka girl and occasionally with the loudmouth when her parents aren't around to scold her.
Sasuke thinks she's got a thing for blonds which would explain why she isn't among the hordes of other squealing female classmates that seem to think that he enjoys their annoying squeals.
He hardly finds her staring at him anymore and he doesn't know whether he feels thankful or sad. The weightlessness of her absent gaze frees him but at the same time leaves him feeling oddly bereft – like there's nothing anchoring him to the ground. He goes about ignoring it and tells himself that it doesn't matter. It's better that she's not giving him anymore of her unwanted attention because it means it's one less annoying girl stalking him.
He doesn't say anything when he still finds a new pouch full of medical supplies on his desk every other Monday and definitely doesn't think anything when he takes the pouch and straps it opposite to his shuriken hoister even though his home is more than adequately equipped with the items.
.:.
Today, they are reviewing for the end of the year examination.
It's ridiculously easy and he's nearly tempted to follow Uzumaki's lead to fall asleep. But he's an Uchiha and Uchihas don't disgrace themselves or the clan by succumbing to such low-class behavior; so instead he flips his page over and away from the scanning eyes of the idiots next to him and folds his hands under his chin.
The action sends the fan girls squealing.
Looking around the room, he notes that a few others have finished like him.
Bug-boy is sitting in his self-designated corner, a few of his family bugs crawling on the desk. The Hyuuga heiress twiddles her fingers next to him and he's sort of surprised to see her bloodline active.
He doesn't want to know what she's seeing that's causing her to blush so red.
Down a few rows to the right of him, that boy with the chips is munching on another bag and the Nara kid is slumped over his worksheet, apparently more knocked out then Uzumaki.
He cracks his neck and under the pretense of trying to crack his back as well, he turns around to see if Uzumaki is still asleep and –
He finds himself staring into the eyes of Haruno Sakura.
Her look is intense like always but different this time. It isn't searching or intrusive but it was –
Apprehensive.
Reluctant.
Apologetic.
Then as intense as it was, it's gone and she's back playing tug-of-war with the Yamanaka girl who's trying to flip her paper for answers.
.:.
He stays after school today along with a few other students who want extra study time for the examination. He doesn't need it but he wants to be the best – no, he has to be the best so he listens to the redundant drone of Iruka-sensei's lecture, further imprinting the year's lesson into his mind even as other parts of it wander off into unchartered territory.
He almost leaps to his feet in a very un-Uchiha-like manner when Iruka-sensei announces that the lecture review was over and the practical portion review would start in five minutes but pulls his composure back in time to stay in his seat while the front rows file out. Thankfully, only a few students had remained, a majority leaving early like Uzumaki and the Nara kid.
He absently files away that Haruno Sakura stayed behind to spend more time with the Yamanaka girl.
Outside, the sun is still pretty high in the sky, perfect for students to be training with academy-issued weapons. Iruka-sensei and Mizuki-sensei observe and correct students left and right as the aspiring shinobis attempt to hit the targets and they praise only him and the Yamanaka girl for hitting the center of the bulls-eye.
He sees that all of Haruno Sakura's shuriken and kunais have hit her assigned tree but they are all off kilter and none of them hit the center.
"Neh, Sakura-chan that was a very good try. You should try to gauge your arch better though. I'm sure if you do that, you'll hit the center next time okay."
He watches as she brightly smiles at Iruka-sensei and nods – flushing from his compliment and advice.
"Perhaps you could do a little better with some help? I would you like to see if Sasuke would help you?"
Had he been asked to help another girl, he probably would've coughed up a realistic excuse of having to leave for home, but it was her so when he is called over, he nods and mutters his assent.
He pulls her over back to another tree, marked with a bulls-eye as well but not riddled with gaping nicks and pushes her in front of him.
He grabs her arms –
"Hold them like this."
– nudges her ankles by kicking them with a foot –
"Keep your feet apart."
– and takes her hand so her grip on the shuriken so her index and middle finger are correctly placed. "Now throw."
She throws and it lands perfectly in the center.
"See, I told you that you could do it with a little help." Iruka-sensei praises from the side before turning to him. "Thank you for helping Sakura-chan, Sasuke. You probably taught her better than I ever could," he jokes good-naturally. "I'll add a few points to your examination for helping me out."
Sasuke smiles at that, thankful for the extra points because every bit counted when it comes to surpassing Tachi-nii. "No problem, Sensei."
"Are you going to thank Sasuke, Sakura-chan?"
He looks away from Iruka-sensei to look at the pink-haired girl and finds her smiling at him.
It is not thankful. It is not grateful. It is amused.
It makes him uncomfortable and as she bows to him and mumbles out a "thank you," he wonders if it was all for show – her stumble at hitting the targets.
Later, when he exits the school grounds, he hears Iruka-sensei and Mizuki-sensei speaking.
"-can't believe Sakura-chan hit all those points on accident!"
"Yeah, damn good coincidence! If she didn't look so upset at missing the center, I'd think she was aiming for the organs of an actual shinobi."
"Man, but can you imagine when she gets older and actually knows how to use those weapons?"
He walks home a little quicker and when he passes by the Yamanaka girl and Haruno he can't help but turn and glare at her.
She meets his glare straight on and he's the first one to turn away as that apologetic gaze begins to affect him.
"Neh, Sasuke-kun? Are you alright?"
He bites out an apology to the Yamanaka girl. "Sorry, thought you guys were someone else."
He feels her intense stare all the way around the corner as he sprints home and it unnerves him.
It didn't feel like she was saying sorry for humiliating him.
It felt like she was saying sorry for something much more important.
.:.
The Uchiha Massacre occurs that night.
.:.
When he wakes up, he is confused. His head hurts, his throat is parched, and his body shakes from disuse. The nurses tell him he's been comatose for three weeks and he needs time to recuperate but that can't be right.
He needs to go to school. The exam is today. He probably passed out from training last night and was feeling the after effects of too little sleep and sore muscles.
He needs to pass that exam with flying colors so Otou-sama can see that he's as good as Tachi-nii. He needs to take it and show how great he's doing in class so they can praise him. He needs them to praise him so he can get rid of that horrible nightmare of Tachi-nii – of Tachi-nii killing Oba-san and Oji-san. And of him killing Kaa-san and Otou-sama.
Of him killing everyone.
He stands – shakily at first then more steadily. He walks without help to the mirror located on the other side of the room and turns on the facet. He washes his hands first and then brushes his teeth using the complementary tooth brush and paste provided. He rinses his mouth before washing his whole face, making sure to get the dust around his lids like Kaa-san tells him to do every day.
He looks at the mirror briefly –
And dry heaves into the sink.
Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.
It wasn't a nightmare and they weren't wrong.
They were dead.
Kaa-san. Tou-sama. Everyone.
He heaves again but this time when he's done, he falls to the ground and curls into himself.
He wishes he had died with them.
"You aren't even worth killing, foolish little brother."
They sedate him as soon as he starts to claw at his body.
.:.
The second time he wakes up to the same room in the same hospital, he is not confused.
He understands now.
"If you want to kill me, despise me, hate me, and live in an unsightly way... Run, and cling to life, and then some day, when you have the same eyes as I do, come before me."
He is an avenger.
.:.
When he leaves the hospital, Sasuke takes all the lilies he has received and lays them on each and every grave belonging to the Uchiha district.
He stomps on the bouquet of white, pink, and yellow flowers signed – HS in the privacy of the deadened Uchiha district.
Later, he returns to the spot of crumpled petals and gingerly picks each of the stems up.
He lays the chrysanthemums on his mother's grave – they were her favorite – and burns the rest of the bouquet with his family's signature jutsu.
He does not accept her apology.
.:.
He takes the examination well into the summer when other students are still enjoying their vacation. Sasuke passes with perfect marks.
He has no one to share his accomplishments anymore.
But that does not mean he will stop training – that he will stop reaching. If anything, the emptiness of his house, it's not his home anymore, makes him more motivated – more vicious in his training. He trains from early in the morning until the darkness of the night indicates curfew, returning to the ghost district with more cuts and callouses than he had the previous day.
He turns nine passed out in the middle of a public training field.
When school starts up again, his classmates notice the difference in him.
Before, he had been proud but approachable. The lurking kindness in his features betraying the persona he had hoped to hone.
He's cold now and the kindness that made him so human is gone. It has been replaced by the aloof eyes and detached aura the Uchiha were – had been known for.
He's untouchable now.
.:.
The days go by unbearably slow and he stops counting with a calendar and starts recording the hours he trains. The academy is almost considered a waste of time if not for the fact that he needs to go if he wants a hitai-ate.
The countries are in state of peace, not war. There is no need for early advancements among academy students and though he nearly demands that the village make an exception for him – because damn it, He was a shinobi at seven – Sasuke doesn't.
He remembers that his mother was a firm supporter of the graduation restriction.
So instead, he deals. He wakes up at five, does his morning ritual, and heads towards the Uchiha graveyard.
He tends to the area for an hour to remind himself of his mission.
Then he trains until thirty minutes before the academy starts and goes back to his empty house to get ready for class. He's all that's left of the once great clan and he will not have people thinking the Uchiha were anything less than the pristine shinobi he remembers.
He is among the first students in their seats when the door opens.
.:.
The thing he hates the most about the academy is surprisingly not the multitudes of useless fan girls, it is the curriculum they teach.
The subjects are basic, simple math and history lessons better off in civilian schools rather than a shinobi academy. He does not know how learning any of these subjects will help him in reaching his goal or in his career and he almost resents the academy for putting him through this. Still, he does what is expected and aces the test with perfect scores.
He ties with Haruno.
This is no surprise. Academically, they nearly always tie save for the rare times he misses a point or so. Her marks are always perfect but she never threatens his place as first. Her scores in the practical field are unremarkably as average as they were months ago.
Sasuke does not pay mind to the suspicions he had of her as a child. He tells himself any interest or curiosity he had is gone – not worth any time or attention when there are so much more important things to pay attention to.
He berates himself whenever he finds him observing her as if she's a particularly interesting jutsu he'd like to learn.
.:.
He becomes an expert at ignoring her.
A/N: I had wanted to post this as a single one-shot but it's slowly growing pass what I think most readers are willing to read in one sitting. I never tried third person limited and in present tense so it was an experience. Hopefully there aren't too many verb confusions in here and I hope you guys enjoyed. I expect perhaps five to six more parts which will encompass the series and perhaps by then I'll find a beta interested in pre-reading this for me.