Notes: Hokay…well, what started out as a quick snippet of a fic idea, has spawned into something rather large and cracky (well, large enough for something that is so silly a concept). I've split it up into separate chapters, because I can, hoohoo.
Also, one could probably say that Hakkai is a bit ooc in this fic. Well, I would like to argue that! Our man here is basically a well-organized, top notch kinda guy, yes? I think it would make sense that he be interested in something like this. After all, Sidekicks are nifty! And what happens afterwards…well, we all know how addictive gaming can be.
Blah, whatever, this is crack. But good crack! (I hope) So enjoy! (or leave me flaming reviews, whatever)
Disclaimer: Don't own, so don't sue:)
It was early morning. The birds were chirping, the trees were swaying to the beat of the gentle breeze that the mild day offered. Outside, children were enjoying the sunshine and gathering in large groups to play 'tag' and other various games of youthdom.
Inside, two idiots were in risk of losing their lives. Or at least a few limbs. Hakkai's wistful appreciation for the calmness outside was cut short as two sharp gun-shots rang through the stillness of the air. He sighed as a few children screeched, and watched as their mother's hoarded them inside, warning them in hushed tones about the 'crazy men' that had just arrived in town, and how they should be more careful and not play outside unattended.
Shifting slightly against the weight of the two large grocery bags in his arms, Hakkai stepped into the Inn his group was staying at. But not before taking one last glance at the scenery outside…It was a morning like any other, really.
"Why couldn't you have taken those morons with you? Like always?" Sanzo commenced his protesting as soon as Hakkai walked through the door, jabbing his thumb over his shoulder towards the two aforementioned idiots. Usually Hakkai would let Goku and Gojyo tag along on his shopping trips, and while he always said it was because he needed help carrying the bags, Sanzo always considered it a silent agreement between the two of them that this was his rare, and very well-earned, break from the idiocy.
Goku and Gojyo didn't respond to the usual insults on their intelligence, if they even heard it at all. Already having broken into in impromptu round of wrestling, a quick game of 'truth-or-dare', and 'Pin the Tail on the Sanzo' (that one didn't last long. Gojyo was amazed that Sanzo knew so many threats in so many different languages) they were both very tired.
"Well, you know, we always end up coming back with more than we need," Hakkai shrugged and set his burdens on the counter. "I thought you might appreciate the fact that we're not wasting so much money."
"Hn," Sanzo deadpanned. Hakkai always had a way of coming off as the most considerate man on earth, making you feel like an ass for even questioning his intentions in the first place. Unless, of course, you were Sanzo, who deflected feelings of guilt and compassion like Superman deflected bullets. "It's not like we're actually paying for it."
"True, but why flaunt it when there are so many out there suffering?"
"Yeah, besides, the Aspects might get pissed. Don't want to catch Holy Hell, yanno?" Gojyo drawled, slinging on arm over his best friend's shoulder as he joined the conversation. Not that he really gave a shit about ticking off that crazy hermaphrodite and her buddies, but it was kind of a hobby of his to contradict Sanzo as much as possible. Hakkai smiled at the man over his shoulder as he began searching through one of the bags.
"Great! Food is here!" Goku exclaimed, having just now realized the other man's return. After rummaging through the bags however, the look of glee on the boy's face was replaced with that of disappointment. "Wha? What's with all the veggies?"
"I thought we might try some Vegan food tonight. It's good for your digestion, you know. I don't think you're getting enough greens these days." Gojyo snorted at that.
"What? Is monkey boy having some difficulty crapping lately? That's what you get for being such a damn pig."
"Ah, that's not exactly what I meant but…"
"There's nothing wrong with my 'movements'!" Goku interrupted before Hakkai could finish.
"Now now, is this really a conversation to be having in the kitchen?"
"Yeah. Why don't you go have it in the middle of traffic instead? Or better yet, what about the center of an active volcano?" Sanzo hissed, and neither one of them had to look to know that the safety on the Smith & Wesson was now off. It was, predictably, enough to shut them up at least.
"Anyway…Ah, yes. I found something interesting at the market today," Hakkai produced something from one of the paper bags, holding it up to Sanzo for inspection. Over his shoulder, Gojyo and Goku were wide-eyed as they tried to get a peek.
"What the hell is that?"
"Oh, sorry, I forgot you've been living in the temple until just recently," Hakkai laughed heartily and Sanzo scowled. "It's a phone." Hakuryuu chose that moment to flutter onto the man's shoulder and twisted his long neck around to see what all the fuss was about.
"Kyu?" it chirped curiously but Hakkai shrugged it off as he demonstrated some of the device's basic functions to their disgruntled leader.
"I know how a phone works," Sanzo scoffed and pushed the thing away from this face so he could actually get a look at it. Being far-sighted was a bitch. "A 'Sidekick'?" Sanzo squinted as he read the label on the thing. "I thought that's why you had that shit-for-brains." Sanzo inclined his head towards the near-by redhead, who pointedly gave the monk his favorite finger in response. "Hn. Send it back. We don't need this." The final verdict was in and the blonde lit up a cigarette, effectively putting the matter behind them.
"Um…well," Hakkai faltered for a moment, shooting a worried look Gojyo's way. The half-bread shrugged, as if to say 'I got nothin', and Hakkai sighed as he turned back to the monk. "There're other uses for it besides just being a phone, Sanzo" Hakkai explained, managing to sound only slightly pleading. "We can access maps and other things that might help us on the road. The ones that we buy in towns are sometimes out-dated and useless."
"No shit," Goyjo snorted, not-so-fondly recalling the many times they had gotten lost or taken the 'scenic route', which is what Hakkai liked to call it when he was trying to humor them. Or when he didn't want to admit that he had actually gotten them lost. He smiled as Goku tried to grab for the newest shiny object in front of him and Hakkai pulled it away protectively. It was rare that his ex-roomie bought something just for himself, even if he was trying to play it off as an essential tool for the Journey West.
"Huh. I would think with all the poor starving orphans in the world, one wouldn't want to flaunt his wealth with such flashy things. That's what some dipshit told me, at least." Sanzo didn't say anything as Hakkai produced the newspapers he had bought today and set them on the table, but he did skim over the contents to see what the masses were up to this week.
"Ah, he sounds intelligent. Maybe you could introduce us some time?" Hakkai smiled pleasantly as he poured the two of them some coffee. Gojyo smirked as his friend dropped two sugar-cubes in his neighbor's cup. No cream, just how Sanzo liked it. Damn, who knew even Hakkai could even do shameless ass-kissing like a pro?
"Whatever," Sanzo relented, anything for some peace and quiet around here. "Just please don't set it to some annoying Can-Can tune or anything when it rings," he warned, still amazed at the fact that people had to add more aggravation to the world by making their phones just as annoying as them. The 'riiiing' sound had been working just fine for decades, why screw with a good thing? "Phones should sound like phones," he concluded, imparting his bit of priestly wisdom for the day to those three unworthy idiots.
"Got it," Hakkai smiled, looking like a kid who had just been told he could keep that turtle he found by the lake. "Oh, that reminds me. I need to go re-charge it," he said as though it were a nuisance, but the dragon on his shoulder didn't miss the giddy smile as the man disappeared. He had just enough time to take flight before he was knocked over by the force of the man's movement.
"Kyuuu?" Hakuryuu squealed, but went unnoticed as his Master left. Honestly, what did a hungry dragon have to do to get some food around here? Hakkai hadn't even started dinner yet, and that was not like him. He was too busy showing off that strange new electronic thing to the others.
"Hey, I'm hungry!" Goku stated after a few moments of piece. Well, at least someone has some sense around here, Hakuryuu thought. As a matter of fact, Goku seemed to make the most sense out of all of them, usually. Pfft, Sidekick? Who needed that? All Goku needed was food, a regular work-out, and a nice comfy space in the back of Jeep to curl up in after it was all over…
Hakuryuu turned his gaze back towards the door Hakkai had just disappeared behind. Goku continued to whine for food, prompting the first appearance of the paper fan for the night. Hakkai wasn't coming out yet. The dragon narrowed his tiny red eyes at the poor, innocent door. He had a bad feeling about this new addition to the party…
Next chapter coming soon...