I guess my mind was feeling kind of emo today. If you like sad stuff, go ahead and read but beware cuz this is kind of a depressing ficlet.
The world is cold and quiet now. I can feel the night air cold on my skin, and the rain trickling down is mixing with the sweat on my own body. How sweet, the universe is crying for me. If I had stayed, maybe things would be a little different. But now, I don't think she ever really noticed, noticed my feelings, noticed how she cut me down to the core. So now I lay here, on the cold ground, with no chance of rescue from the cave I've crawled into inside the deepest darkest part of me.
Together. I come back and they're together. I'm just her friend now, and there is no looking back. So happy, but is it really real? Mine sure isn't. Outside, I pretend to be happy, but really, I feel torn up inside by a ton of wild animals. The thought never left my mind I should have come back sooner. That I should have, cross my heart and hope to die, promised that'd I wouldn't throw all I am into music. All that I had left now, a fragmented thread of reality, made my soul throb with pain. I should have thrown everything one way or another. I shouldn't have expected that I could leave for five years, get off a plane, and step back into my old life where nothing has changed. I should have accommodated for a 'someone else.' Now, all that I hear now, is the haunting, sinister melody of my life playing softly in my ear. Each note is a different memory, a different moment frozen in time. But I don't want to remember. The memories make it hurt more.
Do I regret my decision now? No, I guess not. This is nowhere near being a big mistake, actually gives me a sense of freedom and relief. I found out and I ran, droplets forming on my brow. I ran all the way to the bridge.
Now I'm lying here, lost in my own mind. As my own heart aches, the ocean tide tips tickle the ends of my matted up, midnight blue hair. I can barely keep my eyes half open. Here I am, never to found or wondered about. Here I am, slowly fading. Slowly dying. Slowly escaping.
Please R&R