SIDE EFFECTS
In the narrow cellar of the Snape family's house, a radio aired into the dimly lit, humid atmosphere: "…Independence of the Solomon Islands, the birth of the first test-tube baby, and the weather in London dull and cool with above average rainfall – that was July 1978, folks…"
Severus Snape, stirring a concoction with a silver spoon, distractedly hummed to the music that now was softly flowing out of his father's old radio. Evergreen Muggle music relaxed him whenever he had to concentrate on complicated assignments, such as the current one that just started to show white bubbles. "Now!" he commanded softly.
Watching the fluid in the pewter cauldron intently, he reached out in order to receive the bowl containing the herring eyes. Narcissa eyed the organs critically as she placed the bowl carefully into his hands.
Severus added the contents in a slow run, and then, after a few rounds of stirring, he passed the silver spoon to the young woman. "Your turn!" he said.
Narcissa started stirring the concoction. Her nervousness was almost palpable. Severus recalled her arrival at his house few days ago. Never before had he seen her so upset, and perhaps this had been the reason that he had eventually agreed to brew this potion for her, although it had meant a lot of background reading and careful purchase of ingredients – a tedious necessity in the light of the illegal quality of their clandestine activity.
Yet he had insisted that she would assist him; only once would he run the risk of brewing the concoction; later on, Narcissa would have to repeat the procedure on her own. She would need more of it in the four weeks' time course of application.
He contemplated her pale complexion, knowing that her misery was the result of only her own carelessness, yet he felt pity for her.
But it wasn't pity alone. He knew himself only too well. He liked her a lot. No, he confessed to himself, I really like her in another than a just-being-friends way.
Narcissa stopped the stirring. It was the right moment. It was now time to add the powder of Tansy that she had triturated herself.
Fool, he thought, forget that. She's married.
Well, said a small, irritatingly defiant voice in his head, she doesn't seem to be too happy with her husband, does she? She cheated on him, obviously; why else would she need that Early-Labor-Potion for?
Severus frowned at this. The point is, I'm half-blood.
"You've done a good job with the Tansy", he said.
Narcissa nodded and managed a shy smile, yet she was too focused to look at him.
Severus turned away and picked up the next ingredient, which was the glossy top of a fresh toadstool. When he turned back, however, he saw that the colour in Narcissa's complexion had become greenish. She was swaying. He quickly supported her to an old chair. It was the only place to sit and get fresh air at the same time, although the breeze that wafted in through the small window under the ceiling was only weak; the air in the cellar was full of the sharp smell of boiling mustard.
"Take a rest," he said, still caught up in the moments of close contact, "You can watch from here - and take notes."
"Thank you," replied Narcissa softly, and she leant back into the chair.
"I'll cancel it if you want", he offered, "there might still be an alternative-"
Her lips formed a hard line. "No, it's alright. I will be better soon."
Severus hesitated, but then continued to add the remaining ingredients. Narcissa had been preparing them, and she had indeed been very strict in doing so: He could not find any flaw in the outcome. He was a bit worried, though; not because of the complicated recipe, but because of Narcissa's determination to use it. What they were producing here was, in fact, a poison; he was afraid that once she started to apply it, she would continue to do so, even if it turned out to be life-threatening.
Severus felt her scrutinizing gaze. Was there more to it than just the purpose of observation? He glanced into her direction only when he heard the quill scratching on the parchment. The silkiness of her long, fair hair was glistening, even in this dark room, yet it was framing a stern and tense expression in her face. She really is in trouble. What will happen if Lucius notices?
You should tell her that this place will always be safe, said the small voice in his head.
Severus checked himself. I'd only ridicule myself.
He tried hard to push away these unwelcome thoughts. He had to concentrate on the potion. But his mind began to analyze the fragrance of her perfume instead. The scent lingered at the place where she had been standing just before. It penetrated the concoction's heavy fumes and travelled up his nose and into his brain like a sweet whisper.
Her perfume is expensive, observed the small voice.
Expensive for a Malfoy, specified Severus. For a Snape, it means exorbitant. A ludicrous thought was born in his mind. It wouldn't hurt me to take care of another man's child, really...After all, its mother would still be Narcissa.
Tell her, urged the little voice.
"I am adding the cocoa butter," he said.
Narcissa nodded without a smile or a look at him and continued to make notes.
"Just to make it smooth and easier to consume," he added.
"Thank you!" she replied. There it was again: A tiny, shy smile, a brief softening in her face.
It's not the right time, Severus decided.
Perhaps there will never be a right time for cautious Severus Snape, replied the small voice angrily.
Severus turned back to his cauldron. He stirred the potion and watched the bubbles. His mind returned to Narcissa's perfume. The fumes were dancing, and the bubbles became larger. He imagined himself and Narcissa tending to a baby.
His daydream was rudely interrupted by the sound of footsteps in the upper floor. He froze.
"Who's that?" hissed Narcissa.
"I don't know..."
The cellar door was opened without knocking, to reveal a tall, stern woman.
"Professor McGonagall!" exclaimed Severus.
"There you are, Severus!" said Minerva. "I'm sorry to visit your house in such a rude way," she added quickly, as she entered and greeted Narcissa with a nod of her head, "but we have an emergency!"
Apparently, she was too busy and flustered to even contemplate the fact that young Mrs Lucius Malfoy was spending her time with young and single Severus Snape in a dark cellar, instead of sitting in her own home's aestival garden, sipping tea.
"What happened?" asked Severus.
Minerva regarded him in disbelief. "Did you not notice?"
"Notice what?" He was utterly clueless.
"The magic!" cried Minerva. "It's gone!"
"Gone?"
"Indeed! Nothing works anymore. The community is most upset. All is in chaos! Severus, do something!"
Severus noted that the bubbles in his cauldron had disappeared. The concoction suddenly looked like old, cold tea. His mind was in a haze. "But what can I do?"
"We thought you could contact her. You are the one who is most likely to get to talk to her!"
Severus hesitated just for one moment. Narcissa was staring at him with wide eyes. He knew what to do, and how to do it. "I'm off!" he announced crisply. "Narcissa, we will continue as soon as possible!" Then he rushed up the stairs and out of the house.
Outside, everything looked normal. The sun was shining, and a warm mid-day breeze was carrying the scent of English lunchtime down the alley. Severus took out his wand and tried to apparate. Nothing happened. He aimed his wand at a young dandelion, to transfigure it into a stone. The flower did not even change colour. Minerva was right. He sighed, tucked his wand back into his robes and went to the nearest train station.
Severus spent the rest of the day in Muggle trains that were crowded with cheeky schoolkids. Women were fussing around with crying toddlers in prams that occluded the carriage gangways. Squashed between sweaty construction workers and pierced skinheads, he watched businessmen effortlessly downing beers en route between London and York. Some of the passengers cast strange looks at him.
At last, he arrived at Glasgow main station. A cold wind was blowing in the streets, and the grey sky was getting darker. People were hastening along, and again some of them, like in the trains, kept peering at him. One woman even approached him.
"Such coincidence! I think I know you, Mister...are you the one who..."
Severus ignored her. All he was interested in was to move on as quickly as possible. He sprinted down the lane and round a corner, only then did he peek back into the direction he had come from, and found that he was alone at last. He allowed himself a moment of rest. Then he looked for the name of the street: Luckily, his flight had brought him nearer to his destination, a noble district of Glasgow.
Soon he found the house he had been looking for. He stepped up to the door and rang the bell. A few heartbeats later the door was opened, and an elderly man looked down at him warily.
"Yes?" The old man asked.
"Good evening," Severus said politely, "may I please talk to -"
"Do you have an appointment, sir?" interjected the man, addressing the tired, strangely dressed person on the marble steps with trained arrogance.
"No, I don't, but I came here on behalf of-"
"I am sorry, sir. Please contact the secretary if you wish to make an appointment." The man attempted to shut the door.
"Please wait, it's urgent! -" Severus exclaimed.
The man was inclined to close the door. Severus stepped forward.
"Who is it, Irvin?" asked a female voice from within the house.
Both the man and Severus paused. The man turned his head and said "Just an unannounced...person, Madam. I'm sorry that the noise disturbed you-"
But there she was already, standing regally sublime, staring down at Severus. He glanced up admiringly and with unconditional love. After all, she was his creator.
"Good evening," he said shyly. The corners of his mouth were twitching nervously.
"What's the matter?" she asked coolly.
"I am sorry to intrude, but - "
"I no longer wish to be bothered by you."
Severus winced. He was not sure how to proceed. "They sent me," he said with a nervous sideway glance at Irvin. How much could be discussed in his presence? "We have problems. We can't operate as usual...it's urgent!"
"Does this come as a surprise to you?" she asked with a mocking smile.
"Well – yes, it does..."
She laughed harshly. "Go back to where you have come from, Snape. I'm done with you!"
Severus swallowed hard.
"I'm done with all of you!" she added, suddenly exasperated. "I have spent enough years on animating, entertaining, moderating the whole bunch. I'm done! It's all over now. The series is written, finished, published. Even the epilogue is out!"
He stared at her, uncomprehending. His knees became weak.
"Don't look at me like this!" she shouted at him. "If you don't believe it, go and read it yourself! And now, please leave and don't bother me ever again!"
For some time after, he stood petrified, not able to do anything else but stare dully at the closed front door. Then he slumped down on the marble steps at the entrance. He assumed that Irvin was observing him through the peephole, but he didn't care. Mindlessly, he watched the cars passing by in the street.
The sky over Glasgow had already passed from dusk into deep, starless night when Severus finally rose and walked away. He was cold and hungry. He was tired. He wanted a shower. But he did not want to stay in this town. He was confused, disappointed, disgusted, all at once. He went back to the train station and fought his way home. He didn't have a reservation on the night train, and only found a vacant seat in the smoker's compartment. He nearly cried from exhaustion and frustration at the time he arrived back at Spinner's End.
But then again, Severus found a grain of hope in his heart: Even though the magic folk were facing chaos and ruin because of their loss of power, there might be some things that actually changed to the better. He was not afraid of living on in the Muggle world. He was well adjusted to it. The Malfoys, on the other hand, would have no idea about how to continue. They now were just as powerful as ordinary Muggles, their wealth was worth nothing anymore, and Narcissa could start thinking about changing her private life. He would wait for her.
Severus got himself a job in town. He kept house and garden clean, and always would lay the table for two, just in case. And then one morning she was there, standing in the doorway to the kitchen, just as he was arranging some daisies in a small vase.
"I just knew that you would come, one day," said Severus. "I'm glad that you did." He offered her one of the daisies. "This one's for you!"
Suddenly, someone was calling his name.
"Who's that?" he asked.
Narcissa said nothing. She was just smiling. It perplexed him to note the pungent odour of boiled mustard. His name was called again. It was a familiar, female voice. Somewhere, a radio was playing a love song.
His name was called again, but he no longer cared.
"I'm glad!" he said again, and he smiled at Narcissa, whose face was very close now.
"For heaven's sake, Severus Snape, wake up!" yelled Narcissa, shaking him.
"Pardon?" he asked bemusedly. He suddenly discovered that he was lying on the ground. The daisy in his outstretched hand had miraculously turned into a silver spoon. He instantly stopped fidgeting around with it under Narcissa's pale nose.
"At last!" she exclaimed with relief.
"I...I'm sorry," stuttered Severus as he fought to sit up.
Narcissa watched him with an expression of slight accusation. "You suddenly collapsed."
Severus felt the bruise at the back of his head. "You were raving, talking weird", she said, "it scared me out of my wits!"
"Yes," he said matter-of-factly, "It's the fumes. They have side effects." He rose carefully to his feet, regained his bearings and returned to the safe port of his cauldron.
"You seemed to a talk to someone called creator. Who is that?"
Severus went back to stirring the potion. He strained to remember but then shook his head. "I have no idea."