Notes: Okay, I'm a little worried about this story, mostly because the episode it's based on was actually one of the least favorites and a little on the boring side. I'll try to spice it up anyway I can though! Maybe I can come up with something good along the way!

leahelisabeth: I totally get what you mean. I didn't ship sabriel at all until I wrote this, and now its becoming just too cute to ignore. Ooh, and sastiel is something I never considered since there are so few fictions of it that are any good. I'm so glad that you're enjoying these though! I had worried about forcing ships on other people XD Hope you like this story!

Eri: Oh, man, I know! Those loose threads are kinda what got me thinking about adding in the later episodes that I have planned that will be filler between the episodes and the movie. I hope to resolve everything! Must have satisfaction with the ending! :D

ship. me: Yay, so glad that you enjoyed it! I wasn't sure that it would meet expectations, but if it is your favorite so far, then I feel more than satisfied!As for the character change up, let's see how well Cas does taking on Inara's role in this next episode XD

Disclaimer: This is seriously becoming some sort of mental abuse for me...I own nothing.

CHAPTER 1

All around him was flat, dry, and completely barren land. The sand was painfully hot under his toes and the rock he was sitting upon burned his bare skin where it touched. All over he could feel where the sun was cooking him to a nice crisp that would easily make him edible at any sketchy fried chicken stall at some of the lesser markets. Hell, he would totally taste better than alley cat.

Buck naked, Dean sat down on the least sharp rock in sight, no shade as far as the eye could see on this gorramn planet. Lifting his head and squinting into the intense sun, Dean nodded to himself as he took in his surroundings again.

Flatly he started to talk to himself, "Yep…That went well."

He only sounded partially convinced.

Two Days Earlier

It was moments like this that Dean felt the most joy. For him, it had always been the simple things in life that were the most precious, not the big in your face material wants and desires of most human beings, but the little things.

Like the new mattress that he had gotten off of the salvage mission last week that practically melted under him. It also came with the perk that it felt good under Cas' back so he really had no excuse not to climb into bed with Dean for a few hours each night.

Little things like just strolling to the kitchen and being able to meet up with Sam along the way and share some boring small talk to fill the 50 second silence as they moved into the dining area. And how Dean, no matter how badly his day went, he could still have the small comfort that there were people still alive who cared and even loved him.

Here was the fundamental difference between Sam and Dean. Sam once thought of the future, of what was to come, of dreams that could be, of ways to alter where they might end up, but Dean…he lived for the present.

It could be as simple as Sam choosing a salad over pizza because he didn't want to become fat, or clog up his arteries while Dean would choose a burger for the immediate reward of taste and pleasure, arteries be damned. Or it could be as serious as how Sam chose to go to law school in hope to end the war through politics and time, and Dean chose to dash off into the war the day that he was old enough to make a difference.

As children, if Sam was asked what he wanted to be when he grew up he would answer lawyer, or doctor, or even a general. Dean would simply answer, "happy".

But all of that was changing. Sam was living for the present, and thankfully not the past. He had Gabriel and he had the Impala and Dean. His life was complete and the most he cared about the future were his arteries and that he still had everyone he cared about safe. And then Dean was finally looking past the bridge of his nose, seeing what could be, what could happen, and he took note.

He no longer would needlessly put himself in danger, he was somewhat wary of what he ate, like he started putting a leaf of lettuce on his protein burgers now, and he even started drinking less alcohol. And he couldn't help but start picturing what his life might be like in the next few years with Cas around.

And he couldn't help but smile as he woke up for the seventh consecutive morning in a row with Cas in his bed.

The lights were off in the room, and by design of the ship and the hatch, no light could stream in, so it was completely dark in their room. The only way Dean knew that Cas was there was the fact that he felt like he was snuggled up to an electric heater that was surprisingly soft, and that he could hear another person's breathing.

Deciding not to be a paranoid bastard, he came to the conclusion that it was Cas and not anyone else on his ship playing a dirty prank and started to nuzzle closer to his electric heater….only to ram his face into something that certainly didn't feel like Cas.

"Hello, Dean," Cas greeted as Dean rudely slammed his face into the back of his book he was reading.

"Cas? What the hell? What are you holding?"

"A book."

"….why?"

Cas sighed and saved his spot with one of Dean's socks as a bookmark, "Because I do not sleep and I need something quiet to do while everyone sleeps," he explained calmly, "You all become like rumbling storm clouds whenever I disturb your sleep cycles."

Dean blinked slowly, taking in the pitch blackness of the room, "Uh…how can you even read?" he asked confused.

Again, Cas answered calmly, "Gabriel taught me."

"No, I mean…never mind," Dean finished. He figured that Cas probably had some implanted night vision goggles thing going on. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes he turned his attention back to where he supposed Cas was, probably staring straight at him and noting the drool marks still on his cheek, but for whatever reason, Dean didn't really give a damn.

"So, Cas. Anything special on the agenda today?"

There was a pause of quiet as Cas thought it over, "You have a meeting with Monty today," he offered.

That news made Dean smile. Everyone loved Monty. He was an old Hunter from the war, and a good friend of his dad's. Dean and Sam had kept in contact with him over the years as not only was he loyal and liked the boys, but he was also a damned good fencer in the criminal world. Monty's crew was almost as talented as Dean's at getting certain…special jobs completed in unorthodox ways.

"Awesome. I've been missing him."

Dean felt Cas start fiddling with the blanket edge over his chest. He usually fiddled when he was nervous or bored, and he couldn't be bored with Dean here, so of course the Captain had to ask, "What's up, Cas? You worried about something?"

Cas drew in a shaking breath, "It's just…you trust this Monty. You have fond….feelings in your thoughts and…I wasn't sure if…"

Dean immediately tensed up, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, Cas. There is nothing to worry about! I like Monty and all, but the dude is like…twenty years older than me. And really not that good looking, and he's my dad's friend form the war and…just eww, no."

Dean could practically feel Cas' confusion through the darkness, "Dean, I…I was not asking if you and Monty shared a coital relationship. I was asking if you thought it would be okay if I came along to meet him…get off the ship for a bit…stretch my wings."

"Oh," well that was a lot more understandable. The last 'outing' that Cas had been on was their little jaunt through the core planet hospital, and he was probably too far gone in pain and terror to have really enjoyed that experience. Poor guy hadn't felt the dirt beneath his toes in months. Dean knew that if their positions were reversed, he would have probably gone stir crazy by now. He loved his ship, but you can only breath recycled air for so long.

He glanced up and met Cas' gaze as the other man patiently waited for Dean to give consent. Slowly he reached his hand out to cup the back of Cas' head, pulling him forward until their lips met in a slow, lingering kiss that Dean favored in the morning when he was still waking up.

Dean pulled back and made sure to catch Cas' deep blue eyes,"You promise to stay by my side, and let me know the second that you feel anything wonky?"

Breathlessly, Cas nodded before he dove in for a much more enthusiastic kiss, pared with soft caresses to Dean's arm, clearly very happy that the Captain had basically given him permission to go on a field trip with him.

And like every morning for the last week, they let their hands roam lazily in the small hours of the early morning, trailing over smooth skin, rough scars, coarse hair, leaving butterfly light kisses, nuzzling at necks and nibbling at earlobes...only like every day for the last week, Dean would pull back when it finally became too heated and he felt himself about to lose control. And it was always a battle to pull back.

Dean knew that Cas was there, and he was willing, he had plenty of evidence to tell him that, but something held him back each time, and for the life of him, he wanted it to be anything else than what it was. It was a worry that Cas' mind was fragile, messed up and fooled around with, and Dean could mess it all up by pushing too fast, too soon. There was even that little nagging voice that told him that there was a chance that once Cas was fixed, that he would even want Dean anymore. That he would come to his senses and realize what a mistake he had made.

And Cas knew all of his thoughts, he knew exactly what went through Dean's mind when he pulled back each time, leaving them both still heavy and hot with want. And even more tragic, Cas couldn't offer a truthful reassurance that Dean's worries were unnecessary. He could only promise, that as he was then, what he wanted was just Dean. He would have loved to have lied to Dean, tell him that there was nothing to worry about, but as his brothers had told him his whole life, and as the rest of the crew was quickly becoming aware of...Cas couldn't lie worth a shit.

Until such a time that Cas could convince Dean that with ever ounce of himself, he wanted this with Dean, he would not be the one to pull away. He would keep going until he felt his friend put a distance between them, but he would never pull back himself.

But he had a feeling that if certain events fell into place in the near future, Dean would feel less inclined to continue this behavior.

An hour later, after the skin exploration with Cas was finished and he had a nice hot shower, Dean strolled into the dining area where most of his crew was gathered sharing the morning meal that Bobby was cooking up. Looked like…seared protein bars and watered down coffee. Great.

He wouldn't complain though. They were all back on rations this week because after all of their money had been pooled to get Sam and Dean back, they were once again broke. They were running out of everything it seemed. For the last three days each of the crew members would report something else that they were short on, and Dean would take note, but there was no money and no jobs to be had at the moment.

Sam and Balthazar had been scouring each and every source they had to find a contact who might have a job for them, but so far they had not gotten a single hit. It was starting to get a bit desperate. Soon they would have to find a port planet and hold land for a few days there until they found something. A last resort as ports were sketchy at best, and Dean was reluctant to put Cas in reaching distance of some of the worst scum of the universe.

This little meeting they had planned with Monty was a quick exchange of hellos, and hopefully picking up some job from him.

At least there were still a few apples left, even if they all had brown bruises peppering their peels like they had been abused or something.

Breakfast was a relatively quiet affair for the Impala crew. Half of them were practically zombie like each morning and had little to offer by ways of conversation, Gabriel being among them so that took down the volume levels as well. Meg would only grunt if she was feeling particularly chatty that morning, Chuck would be blankly staring at the salt shaker, Gabriel would have his face buried in his arms on the table, and Balthazar rarely even got out of bed before eleven.

But towards the end of every meal, Dean would get an idea of what each crew member had planned for the day, and get updates of changes from the night before.

Then at the end of the meal, Dean and Bobby would head down to the infirmary with Cas to give him his first dose of the day. And after breakfast this day, they did just that.

It was always a quick and simple procedure. Bobby would unlock the drawer that held the syringes, Dean would pull down a couple bottles from the cabinet and take out the right number of pills, and then they would have Cas take his medicine. Simple and straight forward. Dean would never get over how incredible it was to have this medicine for Cas.

His friend was no longer in pain every day, he had more and more sane moments, and Dean was seeing more and more of the real Cas, and he was liking everything that he was seeing so far.

There were three pill medications that they had been giving Cas along with the muscle relaxer. They had only done the shots for the first week, but then they started to notice the toll that some of the side effects were having on him, as well as finding an other issue to be addressed so Bobby whipped up a new dosage that included some drugs that would help ease off some of the issues that sprung up.

One was for the serious nausea that had Cas bent over in the latrine several hours out of the day. Another one was for protecting his liver from the strong muscle relaxer medication, a problem that Bobby said hadn't shown up yet, but had a damn good chance of reeling it's ugly head in the future. And the last was just for stimulating bone density. For whatever reason, Bobby had found in the scan that Cas' bones were extremely brittle. It explained why Cas always felt feather light, Dean thought when he had first been told. It was a miracle really that he hadn't broken his bones a hundred times already. So all of these became part of the daily-do on the Impala.

Mechanically Dean pulled down these three bottles and started counting out the right number of each. Two blue, one yellow, and one grey, but when he got to the blue pills he shook out the bottle, only to see that there were only about eight left in there. Calmly he checked the back of the cabinet to see if there were more bottles lurking in the back…but there were none of that kind left.

"Uh, Bobby? Where are we keeping the rest of the blue pills?"

Laying the syringe down on the counter top, Bobby leaned over Dean's shoulder to peer into the cabinet, "We stored everything we had in this one. You sure there are no more?"

Dean checked again but found nothing.

Bobby sighed and scooped up what Dean had already counted out, "We'll just keep with the same dosage. No sense making him suffer through the next few days if we can just pick up some more later once you talk with Monty." He handed the pills to Cas who swallowed them dutifully. Then he quickly made the injection after rolling up the huge sleeves of Cas' coat.

"The blue ones are just for the nausea, right? Not the ones for his liver," Dean asked worriedly.

"Right, but that don't make 'em any less important. Boy's skinny enough as it is without him upchucking every few hours."

Cas scrunched up his face in displeasure at the thought.

Dean ran his hand trough his hair frustrated and moved over to Cas and squeezed his arm, silently telling him that he would take care of it.

"I thought we stole butt loads of this stuff when we ran our heist. How are we out already?"

Bobby shrugged, "It's been a month and a half since then, and it wasn't one of the fancy ones. It's moderately cheap enough that you were told not to bother. Plus we didn't even know he would need to be treated for nausea for a week. There was no way you could have known," he soothed.

Moderately cheap, thought Dean. He hated the very thought of Cas having to suffer even more, but truth was…they were completely out of cash at this point. It was looking like his meeting with Monty was getting more and more desperate.

He glanced up at Cas, "Okay. Let's go get ready to meet up with Monty. I'm sure once he meets you he'll want to help us out."

He helped Cas hop off the table and led him away while Bobby cleaned up.

Some tender, and actually a little bit of hidden plot point for you in there if you caught them. Next chapter up tomorrow!