Since the beginning of time has our favorite show "Inuyasha" ran for our viewing pleasure. Of how we couldn't forget the first time Inuyasha met Kagome and the most unforgettable moment when dear Sesshomaru got his arm hacked off by his cuter younger half-demon half-brother. We all, especially me Shirabe, had many questions that we in need of answering, but only one has survived since the Stone Age and has been answered with the most disappointing of answers:
"IS NARAKU DEAD YET?"
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My great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandma Katar and her best friend Ami were looking at an episode of Inuyasha being sketched on a cave wall about over two million years ago. In this episode Inuyasha was of course clashing with Naraku. My VERY-GREAT (you don't understand how tiring it is to write all those "greats") grandma left to get some pterodactyl eggs to snack on as they watched what was then considered a "picture show". Now when my Grammy came back with the eggs, the show as over.
"Gumba agu Naraku toga ugh?" ("Is Naraku dead yet?") Katar asked Ami.
"Nunga…" ("No…") Ami mumbled sadly.
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Many years later, when people became smarter and wore a tad bit more clothing, the beautiful people of ancient Rome were having chariot races, drinking wine till they barfed, and wore those nifty togas. Zeus, king of the gods, was looking at a scroll with beautiful drawings of another episode of "Inuyasha" on it. This time Inuyasha, Kagome, Miroku, Sango, and maybe Shippo were trying to fight Naraku plus Kagura and Kanna. Zeus followed the pictures on the long scroll attentively. When the scroll was stretched to its farthest length and the "episode" was over, mighty Zeus was so mad he threw the scroll in the air and zapped it with a lightning bolt. Paper scraps rained down on Mount Olympus. Hera, his wife, came to him and asked, "What is the matter? Is Naraku dead yet?"
Zeus angrily replied with a mighty, "NO!" And that is why Vesuvius erupted on the glorious city that used to be Pompeii.
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After Spanish conquistador Hernán Cortés met Montezuma and his Aztec people he at first wanted to take their gold, capture them all, and leave. Just like what he was supposed to do. But Montezuma, who thought Cortés was their god Quetzalcoatl, led him to the side of one of their freakishly-huge temples to show him the infamously-sacred drawings of yet ANOTHER "episode" of "Inuyasha" that the oracles were just finishing up. I would tell you what's going on in the drawingg, but you already know…
"Our greatest oracles has prophesied the outcome of the latest battle between the half demon and the devil." Montezuma said to Cortés, who studied the painting carefully.
"Good, for the priests from my homeland of Spain left us and our dear king in a cliffhanger." Cortés said without looking away.
As he did, Montezuma's oracles told him what was going on. But oh! When they got to the conclusional end Cortés was furious!
"For many generations have we followed this sacred story, and this is what we get!" Hernán Cortés bellowed. He ordered his troops to carry out their original task of grabbing the gold and conquering the Aztecs.
During battle, one solddier asked another soldier, "Why did he change his mind all of a sudden?"
The second soldier sighed, "Naraku wasn't dead yet."
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Let me zoom to the future to get to probably the most dark humored part of history. During World War II, Adolf Hitler would take time out from his busy schedule of being a dictator that was persecuting the Jews by reading a book about Inuyasha (because television was created AFTER the war) written by the people who wrote it the best: the Japanese. Hitler was reading it, laughing here, crying there, until he came to another somewhat epic battle between Inuyasha and Naraku. Hitler was on the edge of his seat, reading carefully every detail of the fight between good and way-too-evil. When the story was over, Hitler, too, became upset and ordered for every Inuyasha book to be burned at that very moment. When someone asked why he would do such a thing, Hitler yelled,
"BECAUSE THAT DAMNED NARAKU ISN'T DEAD!"
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1960, television was now in people's homes. Inuyasha, despite it being a show created by –umm…how can I put this?— Non-whites, was being watched by every social group at that time: Beatniks, teenyboppers, hippies, squares, even the Black Panthers. When Inuyasha came on, everyone was rushing to the televiosion set making sure not to miss one half secondd of the show. My friend's mother, Mary Jane, was a hippie. She and her hippie friends would get their smokes and hang around the T.V. watching it. Mary Jane and five of her other friends were so caught up in getting high, they passed out in the middle of the show. About an hour later, she and her friends, woke up in a daze.
"Woah, how long were we out, man?" Mary Jane asked a friend who wasn't high.
"'Bout an hour, Sunshine…" the friend said.
"Like, is Naraku, like, dead yet?"
"Sorry, man. Naraku is as lively as the sun in July."
"Damn."
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Now here we are in present times. The year 2006. Everyone is now officially freaked out by Michael Jackson and almost half the population of the United States is obssessed with Inuyasha. I, Shirabe, was over at my friend Maru-sha's for a sleepover. And what do you think was on that night? INUYASHA! We were sitting in front of the T.V., making fun of the characters and preventing each other from kissing the televviosion as our "husbands" and/or "children" came on-screen. Inuyasha and friends, Sesshy, and of course NARAKU was at the gravesight of Inutaisho, the Great Dog Demon. Soon after Inuyasha aquired the really pretty "Adamant Mirage" attack, he, Kagome, AND Sesshomaru attacked Naraku at once. Although now he should be dead, that's not the case.
"Is he dead yet?" Maru-sha asked. She went to the bathroom when the end of the epic battle was under way.
I gave her a look. "Hell no."
"WHEN WILL THIS SHOW END?" Maru-sha asks to no one in particular.
(In the year 800,000,000, " Inuyasha" still continues, and Naraku, oh Naraku, is STILL not dead.)