IF THE DUBBERS HAD THEIR WAY
A fic by Darkling and FireSoul
We open in a boardroom. A long table occupies most of the space in the dimly lit room. At the head of the table one can make out a silhouette of a man, seated. But this is not just any man, no. this is the::lightning crash, evil song:: BIG BAD EVIL DUBBER DUDE! ::laugh track::
~~~~~quatre: damn! How do you work this sound booth?! plays cat calls
FireSoul: *that's* supposed to be a lightning crash?
Darkling: what happened to our usual sound tech?
Quatre: He's in hawaii.
FireSoul: Why? How?
Darkling: Yeah. We don't pay him enough for a Hawaiian vacation!
FireSoul: ~thinks~: We don't pay him, period.~~~~~
BIG BAD DUBBER DUDE: ~in evil voice~ Now understand, gentleman, ~hesitates~ and, in the interest of political correctness, ladies and hermaphrodites as well, this show must be censored and.~in voice of doom, he straightens Big Bad Evil Back and narrows Big Bad Evil Eyes~ *dubbed*. ::gasps from Various Lackeys, and a lightning crash—yes a real lightning crash::
~~~~~Quatre: ~fist in air, triumphant~ got it!~~~~~
Scene cut to empty stage, BBEDD and Various Lackeys seated in audience area, with clipboards, the five gwing boys sitting on edge of the stage.
BBEDD: alright. We'll start with you, Duo. The rest of you guys can go. But be back in a couple of hours. Now Duo, don't bother to read it over. ~puts on Big Bad Evil Dubber Face~ Heh-Heh-Heh. Just start from line six.
Duo: Okay~reads flatly~ for-the-peace-of-the-colonies-I-would-gladly-become-the-Pink-Fluffy-Bunny-Of-Serenity-once-more-and-what-the-hell-is-going-on-with-this-fucked-up-line? ~pauses to breathe, then, accusingliy to Darkling and FireSoul in a scary attourney style~ It's YOUR fault, isn't it?!
Darkling and FireSoul: Ah
FireSoul: Er.
Darkling: Hmn.
FireSoul: hey, at least we kept the cursesotherwise it would be like this~snaps her fingers~ watch, say something with a "curse word" in it
Duo: okayI'd like to know what the *beep* is going on with this *beep*-y fic!~thinks about what he just said and how it came out~ Okay, I give up.
Darkling: ~launging at Duo~ That's SO *beep*-ing funny~surprised~ hey! Can't we turn this thing off now?
~FireSoul snaps fingers~
BBEDD: ~in worried voice~ Watch your launguage! Ratings! Remember Ratings!~clears throat~ Duo, keep reading.
Duo: Buteugh. Okay. ~from memory, with a nostalgic smile~ anyone who sees me is going to hell!
BBEDD: ~panicked~ NO, DUO!!! THE RATINGS!!! WE MUST BEWE MUST BE
~flag appears behind BBEDD waving proudly, and opening strains of motivational music begin~
~Barney is a dinosaur from our imagination~
::flag droops::
Quatre: *sweatdrops* sorry, wrong tape.
BBEDD: ~sweatdrops, a little unsettled, but swings right back in as some sort of majestic music begins to play and the flag starts to wave again. His right hand is in a fist over his heart. An eagle flies circles around his head~ PARENT APPROVED AND~with great passion~ KID-FRIENDLY!!!
Darkling: *blinks* Shouldn't someone catch the eagle?
FireSoul: na, maybe he'll catch some of the studio rats. ~sudden sound of scurrying feet and decidely rat-like squeals~
BBEDD: ~nervously~ Rats?
Darkling: ~evil laugh~
Duo: HEY! Where are all the rats gonna go?
Quatre: AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!
Duo: ~shrugs~ now we know. ~fidgets a bit, then checks non-existent watch~ oh dear me! Look at the time! I have towash my hair! Yeah! My hair~makes mad dash for door~
FireSoul:~invokes writer power, and Duo finds himself back on the stage~
Duo: shit, not again
BBEDD: NO-
Darkling: we know, the ratings, right? ~to FireSoul~ when can we get rid of him?
FireSoul: Patience, patience worthy friend .
Duo: ~brightly~ Can we kill him? ~BBEDD looks nervous~
Darkling: Nonsense, Duo! There are so many cleaner ways of disposing of people than killing them.
Duo: ~thinks~ yealike maybe.. ~ clicking sound is heard offstage, he tilts his head, listening to imaginary voice, he nods~ yeayou have a wonderful point there
~Darkling and FireSoul exchange horrified glances~
Duo: ~in a flat monotone voice a la the shining~ what is it?.oh, I see. You don't understand. ~spreads hands beseechingly~ dubbing is our friend . Join me and become one with the dubbing.
Darkling: ~hushed and solemn, slighly scared~ He's turned
FireSoul: to the dark side! ~sobs harder~
Darkling: ~comforting FireSoul~ it will all turn out all right. You'll see ~worried, she mutters under her breath, a la soap opera~ I hope.
~end part one (Duo)~
A/N: We'll write these for the other pilots (and maybe ozies!) if we get a positive reaction. That means ~puppy dog eyes~ review, please? With a chocolate chibi on top?