Chapter one
I always knew something was off though here in this house of open glasses I feel a secret one my family has worked very hard to keep from me. I know they love me all of them but sometimes there need to keep me in the dark makes me so upset I have to just get away.
Like now as I push the pedal down on the car my parents got me two years ago when the finely saw I was not a little girl any more. Though they don't know that I push my little sports car as far as the jag will go. I don't feel the need to play safe though I cannot say why I feel this.
Yes they try to keep me in the dark but something's I see I am not stupid, like the fact that all there perfect pale faces never change that my grandfather and grandmother look more like my mom and dad than my mom and dad and the fact my parents could pass as my brother and sister do not escape me.
As the small town we call home comes in to view my cell rings I don't have to look at it to know who it will be. "Hello" my voice is flat missing the dark mood I am feeling.
"Res please tell me you're close to coming home" My mother is always worried that I may drive off and never come back. "Yes I will be pulling up to the house in less than five minutes mom". I don't mean to sound like a bratty teen but sometimes I cannot stop myself.
"Okay love I will see you here shortly" my mother sounds more at ease now knowing I am not leaving the country not that my family would let me go far they keep me close like a prized jewel.
The winding road leading up to my house is green like always the wet seasons that seem to never end here keeps everything green my mother once told me long ago it use to make her crazy. It is hard for me to picture my mother being anything but happy and in love.
Her and my dad act more like high school lovers than a married couple with a sixteen year old daughter but like the rest of my odd family they are far from normal they try and act like there just the run of the mill American family but I don't buy that.
I think sometimes there so careful with me because of the "bleak moment" as the called it that happened when I was a little girl I don't recall it I lost my memory along with whatever events lead up to the "bleak moment" but I know it was the worst event in my mom and dad's life.
I know this because though the try and be careful around me sometimes they slip like my grandfather who told me they had been through much but that moment was by far their worst and the fact I made it through makes it their best too. I sigh for I can no longer hide I am home.
I park not even worried about putting the car away with the rest of the shinny autos hiding in there. What is the point? Maybe there is one but since I don't know I don't feel I have to play by that rule. I skip up to the door I can't help but feel somewhat happy about being home it's like a built in reaction.
"Res I am so happy your back"! My aunt Alice sings to me flying across the living room to hug me. I smile she is small tiny like me and she is one of my best friend's not that I get out much to make others but I love her.
"Hey Aunt Alice I only went for a drive" my voice sounds more chipper even to me and I guess my mostly bad mood has faded away.
"Huh and we both know how those "drives" start" she gives me a warning glance I don't know how she always knows but she does.
"Fine but please keep it down I swear my dad has super hearing"! I look around sheepishly because really my father doses seem to hear everything!
My Aunt Alice turns her head to the side and bust up laughing I try to shush her but that only makes her laugh harder I give up and join in after all I can hardly keep a straight face with her acting like this!
Then I hear a new sound the soft walking of my mother I know it will be her without turning and looking. "Res that was much longer than you said" she kiss's my cheek looking at me like I am five and I cannot help but feel that way when she looks at me like that.
"Yes I am sorry but it was not meant to make you worry I just lost track" which was not really a lie since I did kind of lose track I always do.
"Well we have a lot to talk about after you eat" She brush's back my hair from my face and gracefully leaves the room.
There that right there is another odd thing all my family never seems to eat my uncle Emmitt did take a bit out of my peanut butter and jelly once but other than that I always eat alone my grandmother fixed great food but everyone always said they ate earlier.
I sigh and my Aunt gives me a its going to be fine look she is always giving me those like she feels sorry I am the only one lost on the family deep dark secret well someday this was going to fall apart and I will find out!
I go to my room and on the way I hear my father playing its one of the songs he wrote for my mother long ago. I love it when he plays and I cannot pass up the room without giving him a quick peck on the cheek.
"Dad" I say with warmth as I bend and kiss him he smiles at me and motion for me to take the seat next to him. So much for a quick stop so I set and listen to him finish up the song hoping whatever he has to say to me will not have anything to do with what Alice had said down stairs.
"Res I don't mind you going out I know you have a lot on your mind but please just remember your mother could not handle losing you please keep it under one twenty" His voice though soft held a warning.
I sighed there must be echo chambers in this bloody house, my father cracks a grin and I wonder what he was thinking sometimes I think he has more than super hearing sometimes I think he can read my mind!
My father coughs now getting up from the piano "Res promise to be more careful" he looks at me like my mom like I am five and like a good little girl I nod after all I don't want to break my mother's heart.
"Thanks run along I will see you at the table" he turns and leaves me standing alone in the music room. I sigh again thinking why bother going to the table when I am the only one who will be stuffing my face?
I think I hear a small laugh floating up to me but I can't be sure my mind is losing it more likely than not so I shrug it off and head to my room. My room is the newest part of the house I use to have on out in my mom and dad's small house out back but there um passion filled nights where to loud so thankfully my grandparents turn my dad's old room in to mine.
I was glad to be in my space where I could let down my guard and just be me Res not the loving daughter are super smart nerd. I had done home school and had that done two years ago I would love to go away to collage but my folks where not going to let me not tell I was eighteen maybe even than I think they might Hog tie me and lock me away.
I put on my music and stare out at the river it is lovely in the soft moon light it always makes me feel better like coming home. Then on cue I hear my mom call me down for dinner.
My grandmother made my favorite dish pasta and a lot of cheese she most know I was feeling crappy. That made me feel like a selfish brat I had a loving family and wanted for nothing what did I have to feel sorry about? I was not sure but there is the fact no one is telling me the whole truth.
Seven pair of eyes set there watching me I start to feel like a freak show but just as I am about to give up on my plate my father shoots them a look and I am alone see another odd fact I think to myself.
I finish and go and join the rest of the Cullen clan they are all setting in the living room waiting on me no doubt. I take a seat next to my uncle Jasper he always makes me feel better and I like to feel better I do not like my moody teenage feelings anymore than my parents and family.
"Res I know you think we leave you out and your right we do have something's we hide but for now it is for the best this little meeting is about us working that out so maybe we don't have to".
My dad leveled his stare on me and I really do wonder now what is going on? Like always before I can speak this out loud my father feels me in.
"Your safety is the most import thing that comes first but if we can fix this and make it better for you before you lose your mind than we will try but that involves us going away for a while".
"We are going o a trip"? "Where"? I ask starting to feel a bit exited I loved to travel seeing something besides hills of green and large trees.
"Um not all of us just some of us" My mother says looking sad now why would a trip even if not everyone was going make her look that way?
Even as I thought it, it dawn on me why because everyone was going but me? Yes that would explain the pain looked everyone seemed to have. Though I felt a bit bummed out about it I also thought it would be great to be here all alone but that dream was dash real quick.
"You will go and stay with Grandpa Charlie tell we get back I don't know how long it will take but it will be good for you to spend some time with him" my mother smiled now her hand touching mine.
"So let me get this right your all going on some top secret trip to work out the family secret I don't know or no longer recall and I am getting dumped off on grandpa Charlie"? I sounded like a bratty teenage again.
My dad nodded and then the rest followed all looking at me with sorry looks well I was not keen on being left behind but I would deal if it meant finding out what was wrong with me and them or both.
"There's more Res…" My mother was cut off by my dad "Bella maybe… then my mom broke him off "Edward she has to be told should get it over with…"
"Edward, Bella I don't see there being an issue telling her anything…" Alice broke off when my Father shot her one of his don't say another word looks.
"For crying out loud just tell me" I could not stand another minute of keep Res safe crap. I glared at them now feeling the need and it was an odd one to bite their heads off in all the meaning of the words.
"Res not only will you be staying with grandpa but you will go to forks high, yes we know your finished with school but being around others your age might be good for you" My mother spat out the words in a rush and I blinked at her.
"Do you understand"? Rose my other Aunt asked me looking worried I might have snapped.
Maybe I had snapped because the idea of me going to high school was so far out there that it was like a fairy tale or more to the point night mare what the hell would I do for seven or eight hours of crap I knew? I knew better than the teacher's and I was not being smug only honest.
"Yeah I get it I don't think I want to but I get it" my voice sounded far off like an echo I was still trying to wrap my mind around this. I gave up shortly because really I could never get my big head around it.
"Res honey we love you do not feel like we want to leave you but we have too and we will be back and we will call every day" My grandmother said her eyes full with love I could not doubt her.
"Twice a day even" my Uncle Emmitt said with a big grin and like him all the rest vowed that it was not for long and they loved me. I know they do I don't doubt it but somewhere in my head I still felt like the broken wheel of the family the outcast the limp leg.
"I know I love you all too so when do you leave"? All of them looked at each other before blurting out "tomorrow" well great I would be alone in less than twenty four hours and a member of the student body life sucked!
Chapter Two
It was kind of ironic I had taken over my father's room and now here at Grandpa Swan's I was taking over my mother's room. It looked the same as when she had it grandpa never touch it he never really wanted her to go.
In the room were the same very, very old computer a rocking chair and pictures of my mom's mom. I never met her she passed on not longer after I was born in a boating crash with her husband. I knew I would feel very alone because my grandfather still worked part time as a cop.
He my mother told me before leaving he was like a ghost he was there but not he would come in and out and that I should take over making meals as much as possible. Tell his new wife Sue got back from seening her daughter Leah I could do this should not be too hard.
Yet even when Sue got back she spent lots of time over in La Push so I would still be by myself. I guess it would not be so bad after all I liked to be alone and now five days a week eight hours a day I would be stuck in high school.
I shuddered just thinking about it but today was my first day at my grandfathers so I finished putting away my things and went and join him down stairs he was watching a base ball game.
"It will be real nice having your around Res I feel a bit smug about getting you all alone for a while" He smiled at me missing up my hair I laughed it was good to be with someone who was laid back.
"You worried about school"? He seemed amused at the thought he knew I was far smatter than most people but I thought maybe it was more than that.
"I don't know it all seems kind of odd to me" and it did after all I never picture myself going to school not since I was nine and bugged my mom and dad who said I was too smart for normal school.
"It is to me too after all seems only a few years ago I was doing this with your mother" He coughed than like he had step over the line I did not get it seemed like a normal thing to feel.
"Yeah though it had been longer than just a few years" I said smiling he nodded and patted my head again.
We watch the rest of the game without speaking and then we said are good nights I slept pretty well that night and come the next day I was ready to face the hell of high school could not be to hard right?
Wrong the first thing I notice when driving in to school was the fact my car was like the spot light of the cars everyone came to see who was climbing out of the dark Jag with tinted windows.
Okay so some kids where checking out the new girl not that bad but there was something else in the air that I could not quit make out but I let it go after all feeling all out of places was normal in high school right?
My first class was a bore it was math the highest math class they had but I knew it like first grades know there color I acted like I was learning I wrote down what the others did and answer when called on.
My next class was like nothing I could put in to words I felt the mix of something snap all in one moment my world shifted and I was being drawn toward something unnamed and unseen I could not understand my need to move far to the back of the room but it was like my life depended on it.
I was not shy not that I could recall but having fourteen pair of new eyes watching you I could not look up so it was not tell I was in the back of the room I looked up and I saw him.
He was dark skinned and dark eyed his huge body charmed in to the small desk and he was looking at me like I was a bloody ghost a nightmare from a horror flick.
I bit my lip and looked away so my need to be back here grew when I got closer to the hostel man and he was defiantly man I could see nothing boyish about this so called teenage it had to be a joke who could see him as a high school boy?
I looked over at him again from my seat and saw him looking at me and this look was almost worst than the rude one before he was looking at me like I was food good food he wanted to eat. It felt odd and a part of me was saying run a warning like I knew this was bad but the other the part that was pulled to him and I did not doubt it was him that was pulling me said stay.
Since I was in class I had to agree with the later one stay after all getting up and running out of the class was something I would more than likely get in trouble for so I stayed and I looked at him even though it was rude too stare I could not help it my whole world would not let me stare away.
"Something you want"? His thick deep voice asked making me jump I was too busy noticing his large strong arms to notice him noticing me looking.
"I don't really know" I was honest because really I did not know was there something I wanted from him? I could not be sure I thought there might be but I could not find words to explain it to him.
"Well you should figure it out instead of staring at me like that" He was snappy like I was being rude for taking up his time by looking well to bad because I could not help the crazy need even though I would very much love to at this time.
"Sure thing grumpy once I get it I will fill you in" I snapped back and my growl and I did not miss the fact that it was a growl was quit scary it made a few other people around us look up.
"You should watch who you show your fangs to" his tone was hard with warning and I was feeling fed up with his over baring tone who was he to feel he had a right to act like that with me?
Baring my teeth I said "Fangs huh you have not begun to see fangs mister" I was shocked to the point that I got up and left the class room I had bared my teeth at him and it was not something I wanted to do it just happen.
I ran out of the class room and the school I kept going tell I came to the edge of the woods and there I stood dazed in amazement I had just booked it out of there so fast that I don't think anyone saw me leave! I was shaking now what was wrong with me?
I moved slower now in to the trees tell I found a fallen log I set there my cell in my head wonder if I should call my family but part of me thought it was not something I really wanted to tell them.
I heard someone coming and before I could think of what to do I was up in the tree so fast it was like nothing no one could see me where I was but that did not stop the man from sighing and looking up.
I stared down into the dark eyes I really never wanted to see again. How the hell did he know I was up here? I was about to ask just that when he spoke.
"Really what are you doing"? His voice was thick with humor and annoyance well he should have let me be if I was annoying him!
"I don't see how that is any of your damn business" I glared at him snapping my mouth shut so I did let out a growl or bare my teeth I did not think I could handle that not again.
"Well besides what you think or know now and because I am defiantly stupid it is my affair and god I hate not…just come down" he ended his rant not that it made much sense to me any way.
"No" I said and I made a face at him sure why not act five with him too seemed like I was good at that with everyone!
"For the love of …fine be that way"! With a spring he hurled himself up at my tree and landed on a branch over mine. "Acting closer to your real age are you"? He laughed at his own stupid joke.
I did not wait around to see if he thought to drag me out I leaped out without thinking again and landed gracefully on my feet.
"Like you know anything about me" I spat back before booking it out of the trees like there was a wild fire behind me. Let the fool set alone in his tree and bug himself! I should head back to school it would be the right thing to do but I was feeling wild.
I got in my jag let the car purr to life and speed out of the parking lot to hell with school and stupid rude boys! I was not sure where I would go but I found myself heading toward La Push I did not go there much once in a blue moon with sue but I felt like driving there now.
I parked by the beach and headed down the rolling waves match my rolling moods so I walked along the beach stopping now and then to toss rocks in to the water.
I should have went home my home my new home with Grandpa Swan any would have been wise but no I let my gut which had been leading me in to nothing but trouble since I followed it to the back of the class.
I heard someone yelling but I did not think anything of it not tell it was closer and I could hear "hey you… hey stop"! I turned then to see a guy running toward me.
I was glad it was not the annoying man boy but I still did not know this dark haired man ether. However I stop and waited for him to reach me. "Yes"? I asked waiting for him to speak.
"You should not be here you can't be here" his eyes did not seem harsh or mean but more like he was really worried. "Why" I asked him but before he spoke another voice cut through the air.
"Paul"! "Go just go I will handle this" I groaned at the deep voice that I was starting to hate.
I turn to watch the man make his way toward me and the guy he called Paul who was like me watching him get closer. So now I was feeling out of place like I did all the time in my own home now here on the beach with strangers maybe I should just leave now would be the best time none of my family watching.
"Paul just head home okay"? The man boy stop and glared at Paul who seemed like he wanted to stay but he turn and started back up the beach I watch him as he walked off wish he would stay I did not like facing off with this man.
"Jake please don't forget your promise" Paul had to yell so Jake could hear now I knew the jerks name well at less that was something Jake who was even rude to those he knew only snorted and did not answer.
"What is this all about why are you following me"? I was started to wish I had begged my mom and dad to take me with them they could have left me at some hotel along the way.
"Because you seem to want to die" His words bounce off me like a stone he was becoming a bit over the top die? Here at a lonely beach?
"Okay first off if I die or don't die is none of your affair and seconded come on are you not being a bit dramatic for a guy"? I stared at him wishing I could smoother that feeling like I had to have him near me in order to make my world right.
Was I losing it was my childhood sickness leading me into a mental break? Right now I felt like I was the only one out on a big joke and I was really starting to get pissed in a way I never had before.
"You know something I don't have time for this just get your rich girl butt back in your fancy car and go home" he waved at me like I was some freaking seagull he was trying to shoo away.
I cocked my head at him like he was out of his mind and put my hand on my hips I was going to knock some sense in to this boy before I left in my fancy car! The ringing of my cell broke through are standoff.
"Hello" I barked at the phone my eyes still shooting darts at Jake but the worried voice of my Aunt made me turn my back on him.
"Yes I am fine really Alice I am just at the beach" I wish my family was not always so nuts.
"What beach"? Alice wanted to know her tone urgent like maybe I was at the wrong beach was there such a beach around here?
"Um one out in La Push" I rambled out still feeling the eyes of Jake on my back why was this dude sticking around had he not warned me already?
"Res you should leave right now I won't worry your mom or dad but please for me head home" Alice was pleading with me and I did not understand why everyone wanted me off this freaking beach.
"Why what is wrong with this stupid beach"? I waited for her to talk but nothing came from her "Alice"? I said finely she spoke.
"Is there someone there with you Res"? Her tone sounded worried again like I was alone with some mask killer.
"Um yeah just some jerk from school" which was not a lie so why did it feel like one? She seemed to start breathing again.
"Why is …never mind just head home to Charlie's please" Alice seemed to be calming down and since I did not want to hang out here any longer I told her I was heading home and I did head for my car.
He stalked behind me the whole way and waited for me to get in his eyes following me tell I rounded the curve in the road and even than I thought maybe he was watching from the beach to make sure I did not turn around and come back.
I made it home in time to make boring TV dinners for me and grandpa but other than that bit of normal duty I did nothing else but set on my mother's old bed and worry about what deep secret was hiding from me and it seemed everyone in forks knew but me.
Chapter Three
Jacob
I watch her car go and there was so many feelings in me that I thought I would lose it right there on the side of the road not like it was anything new but I was fighting a whole new set of feelings. All for that one simple girl well truth be told there was nothing simple about Neisse.
I had not seen her since that "Bleak Moment" years ago when I almost took her life not by any choice of mine but something strong than me and her and are imprinting. Only one thing could be stronger than imprinting and that was the wolf thing. The simple fact that she was half vampire somehow missed with the imprint and since we did not know how I had to stay away from her.
I hated it I felt bad but nothing like I did that day when I bit her it seemed though she was fine biting me I had a bad effect on her and I had bit her I did not recall doing it the whole wolf thing kicked in and I had gone for her.
Thanks to Edwards mind reading he was able to see that I had not done it on my own free will he was also able to give me insight in to the wolf part since he read in it that because of Res vampire half my wolf side was fighting the imprint and for some reason that day it snapped. I could never face that again not even with a remote chance that could happen.
So after seeing she was pulling through my bite I promised never to see her again not to risk her but seeing how it was not only my imprint but hers we feared she would wake up and not stay away.
Yet Ness recalled nothing of her past before the bite or after the bite that include me. Though I was glad she would not risk her life to get to me I hurt knowing she did not even know me.
Seeing her in class today was hard I felt so much how could I set there and act like an ass when the love of my life was setting there a foot away all grown up it was not the keep her safe need I had when she was small it was the need of a man who wanted the woman he was born to love.
Why had I given in to my dad stupid idea of going to school as a cover? To keep an eye on John the newest member of the pack who was also proving to be the biggest pain he did not care about the secret and he showed off worst than Paul so somebody had to watch him.
I never dreamed I would see Ness in school in my stupid fake act of school boy her mom and dad where vampires she was half and her smarts out did a lot of people even her full vampire know it all dad so why send Ness to school?
I did not know I had not talked to my best friend Bella are her husband since finding out Ness was okay. I did not ask Sue about her and everyone knew not to bring her up in front of me. I was nothing to her and she was but a child in my memory.
Well not anymore I saw her all grown up and I could not miss the feelings that came with that staying away from Ness was going to be hard and the fact was that I did not know if I could the only chance I had was to make her hate me as best as I could before I could no longer fight the pull.