One Year

Sam

It was the morning of January 4th, a significant date for Severide, it had been a year since Casey had woken up from his coma. The date should be significant to Casey as well but it wasn't, most people say that he is only a shadow of who he used to be but Severide knows that is untrue, he was still there, still himself. Times and dates meant little to him now, the concept of consequence was beyond him, he lived by a strict schedule of medications and hospital appointments but he was still Casey, he was Casey without the strict walls he had erected around himself, there was no holding back his emotions now, no worrying about other people's thoughts and opinions. In a way Severide thought he was freer now than he ever had been yet Casey was trapped in a sheltered life without hope of ever moving forward.

Severide turned back from his wardrobe, he finished fastening his shirt and smiled down at his bed, "Casey if you're gonna fall asleep on my bed at least keep to one side of it… Matt?"

Casey muttered something incoherently, rolled over so that he was no longer lying diagonally across the middle of the bed and promptly fell back to sleep.

"All right then…" Severide smiled and shook his head in amusement. Casey still spent a lot of his time asleep, the simplest of tasks exhausted him. He'd entered Severide's room only a few moments ago after knocking, although there had been a few incidents of indecency because Casey still did not wait for an answer after he knocked. He'd needed help with the buttons on his shirt. Severide didn't know why he insisted one wearing them when he didn't have the dexterity to fasten the buttons himself but he knew that Casey wanted to look smart. Today was an exciting day. A day he'd been looking forward to for months.

Casey was getting a dog. Severide had initially been against the idea, that was until James and Shay pointed out that this was something Casey wanted, and he wanted very little these days, and they wouldn't get just any ordinary dog they could get a service dog, one that would be trained to help with Casey's specific needs. Casey had already spent quite a lot of time with him during the training process. At the outset he had been withdrawn, nervous, even worried, but soon opened up to the golden retriever that would be assisting him and the trainer who was extremely patient with both of them. After their first session Casey chose a name for him: Sam.

The idea had entered Casey's mind nearly six months ago when he was sat at a park bench with Severide one warm and sunny afternoon when a border collie had bounded over to them. "Oh sorry he loves people!" a woman called out as she jogged up to them.

"It's ok. We love dogs," Severide smiled and greeted the woman.

Casey paid attention to the dog whilst Severide chatted away, Severide was completely used to this since Casey's attention was generally held for longer when he wasn't involved in a conversation. It was easier for him to continue focusing on his iPad, the TV, his notebook, to others it seemed rude and unsociable but it was just his way of coping with busy situations. It was hard for Casey to focus on fast paced conversations, especially ones with multiple people.

"He likes you," the woman stated as the dog continued to enjoy Casey's affection but the comment went straight over his head, he was too preoccupied to notice anything but the dog in front of him until Severide placed a hand on his arm bringing his focus away from the dog.

"Sorry he's…" Severide began.

It was the start of a sentence Casey had heard many times before, "Damaged," he provided, not the word Severide would have used but it was a word he knew described him perfectly.

"Oh... erm…" the usual awkwardness presented itself whenever the simple fact that Casey wasn't quite 'altogether' presented itself because a lot of the time he looked like anyone else, although his handsome features and wonderstruck eyes stood him out from a crowd.

Casey had learned to use it to his advantage, or at the least he had learned not to be bothered about it. He realised that he often got away with behaviours that wouldn't usually be accepted. "He likes you," he stated forwardly. He doesn't think about the consequences of his words or actions, he lives in the now.

The woman frowned, a mixture of confusion and shock.

"Oh… this isn't a…" Severide started but it was too late.

"Well... I have to go..." she replied and Casey looked dismayed as the dog was pulled away from him.

"Well done Casey," Severide deadpanned.

"What? I'm meant to sit here quietly when you try and get every woman into bed with you," Casey smiled as he spoke eloquently, his level of speech correlated with his awareness and tiredness and he'd slept for nearly fourteen hours the previous night.

"Remind me never to take you to a bar," he commented.

"You hardly ever take me. The lights and the noise confuse me," it upset him when it happened, when he was in the moment, but right now he didn't care, he was content in the present.

"Ah I see your memory's working today," anyone listening into their conversation would be worried about the insensitivity Severide shows Casey, but it's not insensitively, it's their friendship, it was banter between friends.

"I want a dog."

"And I want a Ferrari," the sarcasm went straight through Casey, "… I'm not getting a Ferrari Casey." But he said nothing, his expression remained the same, he either hadn't heard or didn't understand and he just let the comment fly away with the summer breeze.

That had been a good day for Casey. A good day amongst many bad days, days where he struggled to complete the easiest task, where he became so frustrated that the need to hit something, smash something, become too overwhelming. It forced him to see a psychiatrist once a week. At times throughout the last year his doctors had threatened him with admission, not that they informed him. It was Severide they warned, they warned him that if Casey's inability to remain emotionally stable put him in any situation where he could harm someone or himself they would admit him to a long term rehabilitation unit, or even go so far as to have him on a psychiatric ward but the majority of the time, the time when his doctors rarely saw him, he was perfectly amiable, at some points he was even introverted. He was thoughtful and empathetic even though his doctors had said he'd lost that ability along with his cognitive skills when the shards of skull had pierced his brain.

Severide knew that today was going to be a good day, there were signs, great big flashing warning signs, when Casey was going to breakdown, crash and burn, when everything was going to become too much. Today was not one of those days. Everything was going smoothly. Casey was a stickler for schedules and routine. Predictability reduced anxiety, it was when that routine was broken that the world around him crumbled. Severide and James, who was still assisting Casey, they hated to use the word caring but James was caring for Casey most of the time that he was on his own, both of them knew these signs all too well. James was a Godsend to them all. Severide was trying to get on with his own life, he did get on with his own life, but it was hard, hard knowing that most of the things he did Casey would never be able to do again, at least not to the same extent. It made him feel guilty, although he knew Casey wouldn't want that and if it weren't for the accident his best friend would have sensed this guilt, sensed that Severide was worried about getting on and leaving Casey behind stuck in a world of simplicity. What would ever happen if Severide met someone, if he met someone and wanted to start a family? Where would that leave Casey? So Severide continued his brief and often nameless relationships. He continued to organise little trips out, trips that he thought through more than he'd thought through about anything in his private life before. As part of Casey's recovery he needed cognitive stimulation, he needed tasks that stimulated the damaged parts of his brain, but he also needed peace and quiet to focus, he didn't cope well with loud noises and crowded areas so the time and day they went out to the zoo, to various museums, even to the park and lakeside, all had to take that into account. They also needed to take into account how tired Casey became, how he needed a few moments to shut himself off from the world, a safe space from sensory overload, because when it felt like everything is rushing around him it's physically dizzying and exhausting and they couldn't just let him remain in his house for the rest of his life. What life would that be?

"Matt it's time to get up," Severide roused him gently, he woke up slowly and groggily, it took his eyes a few moments to focus. "Your shirt's creased now," Severide commented.

"Sorry…" he mumbled sleepily.

"Do you remember what we're doing?" Severide smiled. Casey had remembered when he'd woken up that morning but the look on his face now clearly told Severide he could no longer recall how excited he'd been for today, "We're picking up…"

"Sam," Casey beamed, "I know. I know. I'm just tired."

"So you were just testing my memory then?" he teased, Casey only looked blankly at him. "Are you thirsty?" Casey shook his head, his unkempt bright blonde hair falling in front of his eyes as he did, he neglected to push it away, Severide made a mental note; he really needed to persuade him to get it cut. "You're not thirsty?" a shake of the head, "Are you sure? It's going to take us an hour to get there."

"We're going now, right?" Casey smiled.

"Yeah," he nodded, "Grab your coat." Casey went off and struggled into his thick winter coat and slipped his black beanie over his head as Severide grabbed the emergency bag and a couple of bottles of water, he knew full well that Casey would say he was thirsty as soon as they set off.

When Severide saw the smile on Casey's face when the handler appeared with Sam he knew all the long trips to and forth the centre had been worth it already. Sam was specifically trained to help Casey with his balance, retrieving dropped items and to help prevent injuries caused by his loss of coordination, his brain couldn't process fast enough when he was moving and he often knocked into the corners of tables, doors, etc. Sam was trained to notice Casey's absent seizures and trained to get help if Casey ever had a grand mal seizure. The grand mal seizures were rare now but they still happened. Sam would also provide some much needed companionship, and reduce any feelings of disassociation. Severide hoped that one day Casey would feel confident enough to go out for a walk around the block by himself, feel confident enough to leave Severide's side without being prompted when they were at the firehouse. Sam's influence would help calm him and focus him when everything feels out of control, when his senses felt like they were being overloaded. He would alert him to any potential hazards, such as a spilt drink or any other trip hazard, he would remind him to take his medication just like Severide or James did, he would help him recognise people in an unfamiliar context. Ultimately Sam would give him back some of the independence he had lost.

"Sam..." the name left Casey's lips quietly as he sat down by him and let the 'adults' talk around him. They had already been working together for months because of Casey's more specific needs and had already grown attached to each other.

"Casey let's get ready to go," Severide said when he'd finished his conversation, he passed Casey Sam's harness, bright red with reflective strips, "You're ok with this?"

Casey nodded and got to work, Sam stood perfectly still whilst Casey fumbled with the large buckles, it took time, it would have been a lot quicker for Severide to do it himself and on occasions in the future he would but Casey liked the control, liked to be able to as much as he could.

"Good?" he looked up to Severide.

"Perfect Casey."

Sam remained still as Casey stood up slowly, using the balance strap on the harness to help himself.

A week passed by, it took Severide and James a little time to get used to Sam following Casey around most of the time, he assisted him with a lot of things they were used to helping him with; reminding him to take his medications when his alarm went off, picking up any stray jigsaw pieces that fell onto the floor, reminding him to drink and eat. He became a constant companion, even sleeping at the end of his bed.

Their first proper trip out together now Sam had completed his training was a simple one; the firehouse. Sam ignored all the distractions of the busy firehouse and remained firmly at Casey's side who in turn remained by Severide's side. Casey sat at the squad table, Sam sat tucked away under his seat, they were playing cards and he stared, mesmerised, at the quickness of their game. Severide had suggested a game he could cope with but he was happy just to watch.

At first Sam had kept his distance from Pouch until Casey indicated that he could go and play as he sat at the common room table, "How old is Sam, Casey?" Herrmann asked, he was a little curious but he also knew it would be a good conversation starter, Casey struggled to start conversations, unless it was out of necessity he remained silent.

Casey looked across to Severide for reassurance but he said nothing, knowing Casey would be just fine, it just took him a little time to reach his comfort zone. Casey looked back towards Herrmann. "How old is Sam?" repeating the question gave himself time to think about the answer, "He turned one a few weeks before he came home. He'll get bigger," he added with a smile.

When James came by to take Casey back home he didn't want to leave, he'd been having too much fun, it had been a slow day at the firehouse, only the ambulance had been called out, it meant Casey had been able to have an uninterrupted time getting involved with everything, almost forgetting that anything had ever changed. But the good days like this never lasted, Severide learnt to appreciate them, Casey couldn't, he lived in the now, if things were good in the moment everything was good, when things were bad, when things were overwhelming, the memories of the good days were overridden.

TBC