Just so you know, for ease of writing I made the hat a he, not an it.
Revenge Of The Sorting Hat
Enough was enough. It was bad enough being stuck on a dusty old shelf 364 days of the years, and having to sing a song that took a genius like him less than a day to come up with, but as he looked at the students he could see that nothing had changed. He'd diligently done his duty and sorted the students where they were most sorted and what did he get for it? Nothing. It was time to take matters into his own hands (metaphorically speaking of course).
As the first of the new students came forward with the cry of Abbot, Hannah, the sorting hat made up his mind. The girl was loyal, strong and yet kind hearted too. A perfect Hufflepuff though a tad too timid for his liking. A few years with the Gryiffindors should sort that out.
'GRYIFFINDOR!' He bellowed. The table on the far left broke into applause. The poor girl looked so frightened at the noise that the hat felt for a moment like relenting and putting her with her fellow Puffs. But it would work out better in the end.
'Bones, Susan!' Another Hufflepuff. Loyal to a fault, just like her aunt. But she wasn't shy enough to be affected by the Gryiffindors. She was clever, so not Ravenclaw then. Yes, her aunt would certainly be shocked, but the hat thought that might do the musty woman some good.
'SLYTHERIN!' The second right hand table cheered, not to be outdone by the Gryiffindor applause. Looking slightly apprehensive she made her way over to the table, staring straight ahead proudly. A flash of ginger caught the hat's eye as it watched the girl. Ah, another Weasley, he'd know that face anywhere. He'd be a Gryiffindor for sure. Hah! The shock he'd get if he were put in Slytherin.
More students came and went, a 'Granger, Hermione' going to Hufflepuff with a look of slight disappointment, and a 'Malfoy, Draco,' who he'd had great enjoyment placing in Gryiffindor, before the one the hat had been waiting for came up.
'Potter, Harry!' As expected the students all quietened. This would be all the more fun. But he got a surprise when the boy put him on. He'd naturally assumed the Chosen One (living in Dumbledore's office had some perks) would be a Gryiffindor through and through and he'd therefore put the boy in Slytherin, but the boy had a greater Slytherin potential than Gryiffindor.
'Not Slytherin,' the boy muttered. The hat frowned, or at least attempted to. That was annoying. He couldn't directly go against a student's wishes. So, despite how much chaos that would cause, Slytherin was out of the question. Gryiffindor would have been his next choice normally and was out too. The boy wasn't loyal, but he did want knowledge. Hufflepuff it should be, but a nagging in his brim told him that the boy would be better in Ravenclaw. Well Ravenclaw it was then, lest he distrust his brim.
'RAVENCLAW!' the table second from the left got to their feet in a tremendous round of cheering mixed in with applause, by far the loudest yet. The boy just seemed to be glad not to be in Slytherin.
More students passed a 'Turpin, Lisa' being sorted into Hufflepuff and then second to last, came 'Weasley, Ron.'
The hat sank over the flame haired boy's eyes, a tactic he'd picked up over the centuries that intimidated the students, and probed the boy's mind. As suspected he was a Gryiffindor through and through. Not doubt about it then.
'SLYTHERIN!' A polite smattering of applause came from some of the students but nothing more. The boy himself looked horrified. The hat simply grinned. A 'Blaise, Zabini' later and the hat was whisked away.
Until next year then.