Detective Conan/Case Closed: Dr. Phil!?!

Character Pairing: Kogoro Mouri and Eri Kisaki (also some Shinichi and Ran and Mitsuhiko and Ai)

Genre: Romance/Humor

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I do not own Detective Conan... I own nothing... so... yeah... I'm leaving now...

Summary: It's Shinichi and Ran's wedding, and Kogoro and Eri can't stop fighting. Shinichi and Ran have had enough. Before the couple heads off on their honeymoon, they call for marital help for Ran's parents from no other than... DR. PHIL!?!?!?!?!

Dr. Phil!?!

Chapter 1: Shinichi and Ran Become One

"Kudo Shinichi, do you take this woman to be your loftily-wedded wife, in sickness and in health; from death do you part?" The preacher asked.

Shinichi looked at Ran with a loving smile on his face. He grasped Ran's hands and said, "I do!"

"Now, Mouri Ran, do you take this man to be you loftily-wedded husband, in sickness and in health; from death you part?" The preacher asked.

"I most definitely do!" Ran said, smiling at Shinichi; her beautiful wedding dress, shimmering in the light.

Shinichi and Ran looked at each other with a passion, love-filled gaze.

"You may now exchange the rings..." The preacher said, smiling.

Ran placed a simple golden band on Shinichi's finger, and as Shinichi placed a beautiful golden band with 2 diamonds surrounding a big, gorgeous ruby on Ran's ring finger, his hands shook with emotion. He managed to get the ring on its destination.

The preacher chuckled at Shinichi's nervousness and announced, "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride!"

Shinichi didn't wait another second. He placed his hands on Ran's face, and pulled her lips to his. The couple kissed passionately. Their friends and family clapped and smiled. Yukiko and Eri cried tears of joy (though Eri was still giving Shinichi vibes from her magical 'Mama-Bear-Kills-Any-Threats-To-Baby-Bear'...). Yusaku and Kogoro clapped (though Kogoro clearly gave Shinichi his 'kill-Shinichi-for-getting-too-comfortable-to-Ran-shoulder-arm-throw' look). Shinichi didn't even pay attention, he continued to kiss Ran's sweet, moist lips. The preacher clapped and said, "Congratulations, Mr. Shinichi Kudo and Mrs. Ran Kudo!"

The couple released their lip lock and said, "Thank you, Pastor Ling Du!" (A/N: Yes, they got married in a church, but I will try to not mention further about the Christian religion to members of other beliefs; except I will mention now that the the reception is in the church's recreational center. I will not say anything further than the location, though. Okay...? Okay, back to the story...)

Shinichi grasped Ran's hand and the newly-weds walked hand-in-hand out to the church. Shinichi chuckled at a thought in his mind, and in an instant, Shinichi picked Ran up, bridal-style and walked towards the church recreational center. Yusaku chuckled at his son's actions and pulled Yukiko along to follow the couple. Kogoro rolled his eyes and dragged Eri along a little too harshly then needed toward the rec. center. Sonoko and Makoto headed to the rec. center slowly but surely because Sonoko wanted to say, 'bye' to Ran. Makoto insisted that she didn't need to say, 'bye' since they would see each other in 5 minutes at the recreational center across the street. Sonoko and Makoto had been going out for 2 years, and after seeing Shinichi and Ran, Makoto was thinking of proposing to Sonoko. Kazuha blushed as Heiji grabbed her hand and pulled her along, gently. The two had been going out a full year, but they still blushed at most contact. They had only kissed twice. The rest of the bridesmaids and groomsmen followed behind. 9 year old Ayumi and Ai (though she's actually 20), the flower girls, followed along happily. She blushed as Mitsuhiko ran up behind her and grabbed her hand. She smiled and tightened her grip on their locked hands.

Ai had decided to stay in her body after Mitsuhiko had stopped her from committing suicide after the destruction of the Black organization. She was tired of people using her. She took a temporary antidote and planned to slit her wrist. She had taken the antidote because she wanted to see her really body once more before dying. As she turned back to Sherry, though, Mitsuhiko walked in and saw her transform from a 7 year old to an 18 year old. He looked at the smoke consumed body of his friend and was terrified. He didn't understand what was happening, but he ran to her. Sherry looked at him through tired eyes and whispered, "NO!" Mitsuhiko took a deep breath, tried not to stare at his naked, tired friend, and walked over to Dr. Agasa's closet. Dr. Agasa was on a business trip for an invention he'd made and wouldn't be back for a few days. Mitsuhiko took out one of Agasa's shirts which was big enough to be a knee length dress on Ai. Mitsuhiko looked away, but helped Ai to her feet and to the couch. He handed her the shirt and looked away. Ai put on the shirt and said, "I'm not nude anymore, Mitsuhiko... {SIGH} I'm guessing you want an explanation for what you just witnessed..."

Mitsuhiko slowly turned to look at her and nodded.

"... Now that the Black organization is gone, I guess you have the right to know... You know about Conan being Shinichi, right?" Ai asked.

"Yes..." Mitsuhiko mumbled.

"... I am like Conan/Shinichi. My real name is Shiho Miyano, and I'm actually 18 years old. I am also the one who created the APTX-4869 which is the drug that Shinichi took forcing him to shrink. I was a part of the Black organization, but I betrayed them. They not only administrated my drug to subjects without my consent (hence Shinichi's situation and a few dead bodies I had to investigate), but Gin and Vodka murdered my sister... Akemi... Akemi was the only family I had... she was not only my sister and family, but she was my best friend, my only friend. Gin murdered her in cold blood so he could get a stupid billion yen. I wanted to KILL HIM, but it wouldn't have solved anything. Shinichi stopped me from killing him. I had a gun pointed at his head and was ready to pull the trigger, when Shinichi pushed me to the ground and the gun shot off and hit the wall just feet from Gin. The police took Gin and the rest of the organization to jail. I hate Gin! He told me that night that he not only killed my sister, but his father caused the fire that killed my mother and father! Even worse that he and his father massacred my family... I- He was my lover. He got me pregnant 2 months before I betrayed the Black organization, and when I took the drug and turned into a kid... the baby died. I went to a doctor secretly after I turned and had the dead child removed. It was hard to convince that annoying doctor not to tell anyone that a 7 year old had a dead child in her womb, but on top of that the child inside of me was the child of the man that murdered my whole family and tried to murder me! I HATE MYSELF!!! I want to die. Mitsuhiko, there's my story, now I want you to leave!" Ai shouted, shivering as she sobbed.

Mitsuhiko didn't budge. He didn't even move a muscle. Ai looked and him and through her tears screamed, "GET OUT!!! Get out of here! It's humiliating enough that I had to tell my darkest, most horrific story to a 7 year old boy. You don't even know how I got a child inside me, do you!?!"

"N-no, I don't know. I know I'm 11 years younger than you, but that doesn't matter to me. You're my friend, Ai... You're also my first love... I'm not moving a muscle. I will not let you end your life; especially not like this!" Mitsuhiko shouted.

"Like a kid like you can stop me! It takes me two seconds to take this razor and slit my wrist, how can you stop me from doing so?" Ai asked, curiously as she picked up her planned suicided weapon.

Mitsuhiko looked at her horrified, but he stood his ground and said, "I cannot physically stop you now, but once your wrist is cut, I can call 911 and or Dr. Agasa, and they will stitch up your wrist so you don't die of blood loss. Besides... I can't not stop you physically, but emotionally is very much possible!"

"What do you know about my emotions!? A 7 year old boy can't convince me that my life is worth living!" Ai shouted.

Before Ai could react Mitsuhiko did the most shocking, unexpected thing he could've done. He jumped on top of Ai and kissed her lips. Ai couldn't move. She was too shocked. In this same moment, Mitsuhiko took the razor from her hand and released her lips. He then shouted, while blushing like mad, "THAT'S WHY I DON'T WANT YOU TO KILL YOURSELF, IDIOT!!! I-I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!!! I've been in love with you for a while, and I know this sounds perverted and strange, but even after finding out that you're 11 years old than me... I still love you just as much. I know I can't have you, but please don't give up on life or love. I love you even after finding out that you are: eleven years older than me, partially responsible for the death of a few people, responsible for the pain Shinichi went through, a woman who got pregnant with a man who's family killed her family, and a woman who was turned into a child and lost her child in the process. I love this woman sitting here before me who is responsible of all these things because... I don't care about her past. All I care about is her future. I want you to be the happiest person in the whole world, and I love you more than any other person I've ever known. You're beautiful, mature, graceful, and I love everything about you. I only wish your parents and sister could be around to see you now. They wouldn't be proud of the fact that you're trying to kill yourself, but they would be proud in every way that you prevailed through all this hurt and brought down the organization and the man who killed your family and hurt so many other people. Haibara Ai, I, Tsuburaya Mitsuhiko, love you more than any other person on the face of this world! If you kill yourself now... I'll never forgive myself and as long as I live, I'll never love anyone the same as I loved you. I may never love anyone besides you. Please, Ai... please, don't leave me this way! You can reject me, but please don't kill yourself!"

He hugged Ai's chest tightly and sobbed. He didn't care anymore, he just wanted her to live. Ai looked at him shocked. Before Mitsuhiko could react, Ai broke out crying. She grabbed his little face and gave him a small kiss on the lips. Mitsuhiko blushed and looked at the girl sobbing in his little arms.

"Ai!?" He mumbled, shocked.

"I-I can't believe I feel this way, but Mitsuhiko, I love you, too. I just knew things wouldn't work because of our age, but I'd never felt this way about a boy before. Once I thought I loved Conan, but I was wrong. I knew Shinichi would always be with Ran. I knew you'd always be with Ayumi, and Genta would end up with someone. I felt like... I had no one to live for. My family was gone, and even you... you deserve someone so much better than me, but to hear you say that you loved me really makes me want you to love me! I love you, Mitsuhiko! I really do, but you deserve someone who is ten times better than me! You have your whole life ahead of you!" Ai shouted, sobbing.

"Even if God (A/N: Again, sorry to those of a different religion than me, I won't mention God again for respect to you guys...) or some magical book said I deserved or was destined to be with someone else, I'd never stop fighting to be with you! Ai, I love you, and if you love me, too, then why shouldn't we both be happy together?" Mitsuhiko asked, making her look at him.

"Because you're just a kid! You're 11 years younger than me!" Ai shouted.

"When I'm 18 that won't matter... It may be sort of pedophile-like, but I don't care what people think. I love you the way you are... The question is... would you be willing to love someone who is 11 years younger than you?" Mitsuhiko asked, seriously.

Ai's heart throbbed loudly through her head. Smoke started to come from her body and after a little while it became painful. Mitsuhiko looked at her worried and asked, "What's wrong, Ai? What's going on!?"

Ai screamed in pain and in an instant her body shrunk till she was the size of a 7 year old again. Mitsuhiko looked at her shocked and before he could ask her how she was doing she grabbed his face, weakly and said, "I have only 4 things to say to you... 1: You're either stupid or the sweetest guy in the world. 2: How do you know what a pedophile is? 3: What happened to liking Ayumi? And 4: Yes, I am fully willing to love you, because I couldn't hide it even if I wanted to!"

With that she weakly kissed Mitsuhiko's lips happily. They released and Mitsuhiko blushed like mad.

"Answering questions '2' and '3'... I know what a pedophile is because of Wikipedia... I want to be a doctor someday so I was looking up disorders and I sorta saw that... teehee... anyway, about Ayumi... she was my first crush, but not my first love... I don't like Ayumi at all like I love you, Ai. I had a crush on her, but I don't love her..." Mitsuhiko explained.

Ai smiled and kissed his cheek.

"Thanks, besides, like this we don't look like an awkward couple... I guess I can handle this though it's a tad bit weird in my mind..." Ai said, sighing.

"Thank you, Ai." Mitsuhiko said, hugging her.

"No, thank you, Mitsuhiko... wait, so when your 20, I'll technically be 31, right? {SIGH} Guess I am a pedophile..." Ai mumbled, annoyed.

"We'll just pretended that you are the same age as me since you are started your life over as Haibara Ai... Okay?" Mitsuhiko mumbled.

"Okay... though this is so weird!!!" Ai whined.

"I know... but technically you aren't a pedophile, you're not sexually interested in me, right?" Mitsuhiko asked.

"Not right now... maybe when you'd an adult or at least a teenager... so maybe I'm not a pedophile, technically, but question: Do you know what 'sexually interested' means?" Ai asked.

"Not a clue... that's just want the definition said and my mom caught me and made me get off the computer before I could look it up..." Mitsuhiko said with a smile.

"Good... I'm not telling you either. When you're a teenager or at least a little older, you'll find out. Now I'm going to find some real clothes to wear..." Ai mumbled, almost tripping over the foot of Agasa's shirt dragging on the ground around Ai's tiny body.

"AWWW!!! You're so mean, Ai. Just tell me!" Mitsuhiko moaned.

"NO!!! You'll learn it when you are older! I'm not going to be the one to tell you that!!!" Ai hissed at him.

"Fine, be that way..." Mitsuhiko pouted.

"Quit pouting, Mitsuhiko! Come on, I'll make you a snake, okay?" Ai mumbled.

"Sure..." Mitsuhiko mumbled, following Ai to the kitchen.

Now Mitsuhiko and Ai were 9 and things were going well. Ayumi giggled at the two. They made such a cute couple, but Ayumi was a little jealous. Conan turned out to actually be Shinichi so she had no chance in a relationship with him, and she sort of lost the crush when she found out the age difference. She just wished that she had someone like him, but she decided she'd just have to wait a while. Genta still had a major crush on Ayumi, and he even decided that he wanted to attempt at losing weight so he'd look better. Shinichi told him not to rush into this decision, though, since his build would easily change when he got older. He decided not to make bad eating choices, but he decided he'd cut back a bit on the number of high-sugar, junk food he consumed.

Shinichi carried his beautiful bride across the street. They entered the recreational center. The cater had just arrived and was preparing the meals. Shinichi let Ran down, and the two of them went to work, putting up the different hors d'oeuvre and a few extra chairs and other such things. The rest of the quests came and the reception started. Everything seemed fine and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. The moment that Ran threw her bouquet, Kazuha was drug near the middle of the 'unmarried' women by Sonoko. She didn't expect it to happened, but when she opened her hand to slap Sonoko's hand off her wrist, she accidentally caught Ran's bouquet!?! Heiji saw this and blushed bright red. Shinichi snickered at Heiji who was right next to him.

"Better get her a good ring, too..." Shinichi said, patting his shoulder and heading over to Ran to toss the garter.

Heiji looked at him, shocked and blushed. Ran sat on a chair. Shinichi reached under her dress to retrieve the garter. Ran giggled at the ticklish sensation. Eri and Kogoro both glared at Shinichi out of instincts. Shinichi ignored their death glare and sling shot the garter into the group of 'unmarried' men. He broke out laughing when he saw who had caught it. Makoto didn't move a muscle when he saw the little object in his hand. Sonoko blushed bright red, and Makoto did, too.

Shinichi and Ran cut the beautiful, chocolate cake and pushed their pieces into each other's face. The couple giggled as they cleaned up their faces. Yusaku smiled and gave a toast to the newly-weds' future. Shinichi smiled at his father, and Ran thanked him. Then, the traditional dance was announced. Kogoro grabbed Ran's hand with his trembling hand. He directed his daughter to the dance floor and a song called, "Isn't She Lovely" By: Stevie Wonder started to play. Ran danced her last dance with her father. Kogoro was trying not cry. He didn't want to give his daughter away, but he knew he would have to eventually. He just didn't expect it come so soon. The song ended, and Shinichi approached them. Kogoro knew what would happen next. Shinichi and Ran would have their first dance together as husband and wife. Kogoro hesitantly let go of his daughter so she could go to her husband. Shinichi grasped Ran in his arms, and a song called, "You'll Be in My Heart" by: Phil Collins started. Shinichi and Ran swayed back and forth in a gentle, composed fashion. Shinichi kissed Ran's lips and whispered in her ear, "You'll be in my heart... always!"

The party continued nicely. It wasn't till the alcohol bar opened that things started to go wrong...

As expected Kogoro got severely drunk and ticked off Eri. Kogoro did the stupidest thing he'd ever done drunk. He had felt a little... okay a huge bit dizzy. Without a moment to prepare, he laid his head on Eri's lap. She yelped in shock and knocked him off of her, but in the process, she fell out of her seat. She was so embarrassed and Kogoro just had to say, "Why are you so nervous? {HIC}Ran, wouldn't be here getting married if we hadn't been even a tad bit close... {HIC!}"

Eri snapped in embarrassment. She pulled him up by his collar and shouted, " You CENSOR artard!!! I hate your CENSOR guts!!! Get your CENSOR hands off of me, you d**n pervert!!!"

"M-MOM!!! Calm down!" Ran shouted; the whole room silent.

"No! I've had it with this d**n, larda**!!! The minute I can get a hold of the paperwork, I'm divorcing that CENSOR womanizing, drunkard!!!" Eri shouted, pushing Kogoro away from here; causing him to fall to the ground with a THUD!

"......." Ran couldn't speak; she simply glowered at her parents.

Shinichi came to her saying, "Ran, calm down. Ms. Kisaki, please restrain yourself from using that sort of language. There are children here and this is a church recreational center."

"Shut up, Kudo Shinichi! You have no right to talk to me like you have authority over me when you freeloaded of my husband and daughter for year and lied dead straight to their faces!" Eri shouted.

Shinichi stood silent. Ran look at him concern and snapped.

"Mom, Dad... I want both of you to go outside..." Ran said, silently.

"HUH!?!" Eri and Kogoro mumbled, surprised.

"Dad, you couldn't restrain yourself from drinking too much alcohol on the one day... the most important day of my life!!!" Ran screamed, angrily.

"Exactly, Mouri!!!" Eri shouted at Kogoro.

"And Mom, HOW. DARE. YOU. TALK. THAT. WAY. TO MY HUSBAND!!!? He hasn't done anything to you! The Conan fiasco is none of your business especially not here! Plus, Shinichi is right; do not ever talk that way to my father or in front of all these people! {SNIFFLE} Today is my WEDDING DAY!!! Why can't you stop fighting for this one day!?! Don't I deserve that much..." Ran whimpered, tears flowing down her face.

Shinichi pulled Ran to his chest. Eri looked at them shocked. She realized what she had done. She helped Kogoro up off the floor, and they walked outside, not saying a word to each other...

Ran sighed. 'Something has to be done about those too!' She thought to herself.

To Be Continued...

Author Notes: Hope you like the first chapter of Dr. Phil... it will become funnier later. This was the drama-llama chapter! L8r!