Hi guys !
I haven't been posting in english for a while so you might not remember me. But as I promised months ago, here is another story of mine that I just translated from French to English. I want to thank Winnywriter for her help with this OS.
I haven't been able to write since the season finale, so I'm thinking about translating other fictions that I wrote. Would you be interested ? Tell me. I don't know yet if I'll translate a multi-chapter story or just another One Shot. And I will probably need a beta reader so if anyone is interested, just contact me :)
Anyway, I hope you'll like this one and I hope it'll cheer you up a little.
Disclaimer : House is unfortunately not mine, otherwise he would have never did half the things he's done in the second part of season 7. But again, Cuddy isn't mine or she would have never broke up with him.
Spoilers : 2x23 and Season 3, episodes 1 to 9.
Enjoy ! =)
- « What did you do to Cuddy this time ? » shouted Wilson, bursting into his best friend's apartment.
- « Good evening to you to my dear Jimmy ! Did you just come here to talk about our beloved boss ? Please, sit down ! » retorted House who didn't really appreciate being disturbed while he was watching his favorite soap.
- « Just stop for a minute. She's been on the edge lately, and I don't know what you said or did to her, but she seemed really upset when she left the hospital. Brenda told me that she burst into tears in her office. Then, she packed her things and went home, » Wilson replied.
- « And you didn't even told yourself that maybe it wasn't my fault ? » House replied using his most innocent tone.
Indeed, for once, he hadn't even had time to go and annoy his boss because she had already gone home. And even if he didn't want to admit it, knowing that she had left her hospital crying disturbed him.
- « Yeah, of course. You're the only one who can do this to her ! » said the oncologist, exasperated.
Obviously, he didn't believe his friend, used to the fact that he was always responsible when something happened.
- « Me, or the little red soldiers who come every month to accomplish their duty… » House said with a smile, even if he suspected that Cuddy's mood had nothing to do with those soldiers. Seeing Wilson's bewilderment, he said : "We'll have to review your anatomy courses Jimmy ! She's probably bothered by her hormones at the moment so just let her breathe before flying to her rescue."
- « I'm just worried. She's working too hard and she's been acting weird lately. Since you've come back to work in fact. I think that she's still trying to get over the fact that someone shot you in her hospital, so go easy on her." Wilson sighed.
- « Yes Daddy, » House answered with a childish pout. "Now let me finish my pizza and stop worrying about Cuddy. And no need to go and harass her, someone who's overworked probably wants to rest without being bothered."
Truth be told, he wasn't telling Wilson that he intended to go and harass her and he didn't want his best friend to have a head start.
Wilson looked up and replied, heading to the door :
- « You're probably right. See you tomorrow. »
Once the oncologist had shut the door, House rushed frantically to his room to change clothes, grabbed his helmet and made sure that his best friend was really gone before leaving his apartment.
He thought he knew what was wrong with Cuddy. In fact, he was almost sure. But for the first time in years, he hoped he was wrong because he knew that such an event could destroy her. And, if he was honest with himself, it could destroy him as well.
He needed to see her.
He mounted his bike and ended up on her doorstep twenty minutes later. He knocked several times but got no answer. Obviously, she didn't want to see anybody. He had already decided to go home when he saw her, curled up on her couch, looking more desperate than ever. This vision made him change his mind. He took the key that she was hiding under the flower pot and he finally entered her house.
If she heard him, she didn't show it, her eyes still staring into the distance while he was coming closer to her. The noise of his cane indicating his presence with every step.
She finally deigned to look up when he stopped in front of her.
- « You lost the baby, didn't you ? »
Stunned, Cuddy completely forgot to be hurt by the question.
- « Nobody knew I was pregnant. How did you…"
- « I know you, » he simply answered. "So, am I right ?"
She didn't answer. She wasn't feeling strong enough. She just nodded, and her eyes were full of tears again. It was enough for him to understand. She had lost it. Disappointed, he let himself fall on the couch, not knowing what to say. Barely understanding why it was hurting him that much. Wondering why he was feeling an irresistible urge to hug her.
They sat on the couch for several minutes during which he listened to her sniffing, not knowing what to do or what to say.
That was why he couldn't help but startle when she suddenly got up and started to yell at him.
- « Why do you even care anyway ? You should be glad that I'm too pathetic to be a mother. So that you're not the only one who's miserable ! And I…"
- « Stop ! Cuddy, calm down ! » House said, also getting up.
He tried to put his hand on her shoulder but she drew back and started to scream again :
- « Leave me alone ! I don't need you to come swaggering when I just lost my baby. This is not one of your stupid puzzles to solve, there's nothing to say! And this does not concern you!"
- « I'm still partly responsible for this » he replied.
- « Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. Thanks for my injections House, I can't imagine how hard it has been for you to stare at my ass twice a day." She said in a sarcastic tone.
- « I'm not talking about that ! » he growled.
Surprised by the strength of his tone, she asked, completely lost :
- « So what are you talking about ? »
He stayed silent. He couldn't answer. He didn't even know why he came to tell her. It was supposed to stay a secret. He did it anonymously. So why did he feel the need to come and share her pain ?
His hands shaking, he put a piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to her. She read it, amazed. When she looked up, her eyes were filled with tears again and she seemed about to collapse.
Unable to repress an impulse of tenderness anymore, he open his arms to pull her close to him. She immediately burst into tears, and tried to struggle, hitting him, not realizing that he was clinging to her as if his life depended on it.
- « Why are you doing this to me ? » she said, shaking and burying her head in his shoulder. "Why are you…"
- « I don't know Cuddy. I swear I don't know. »
- « Are you kidding me ? » she said, choking. "You're doing this on purpose. You cannot come here, tell me what you did and not explain yourself. WHY did you do that ?" she sobbed.
- « Stop it Cuddy ! I told you I don't know. I have no answer for you."
She closed her eyes and rested against his shoulder, trying to gather her thoughts about what she had just learned.
He had done it. He had realized one of her wildest dreams by giving her his sperm, even if he had done it without telling her. She knew that he had known what she had wanted to ask him when she had come into his office, a few weeks earlier. But she had never dared to think that he would accept her proposition. She hadn't asked him because she had known she wouldn't have been able to take no for an answer. It would hurt too much. But he had done it, and for a short period of time, she had carried a little baby, a mix of both their DNA. She had carried their child… And she had lost it.
She felt her legs shaking and would have collapsed on the floor if House wasn't holding her so firmly against him.
More than ever regretting that the ketamine had stopped working and that his leg was hurting again, preventing him from carrying Cuddy to her room, he stepped aside from her and put his arm under her shoulders to support her, finally heading to the bedroom.
- « What are you doing ? » she asked, as lost as surprised.
- « You need to rest » he simply answered.
He gently helped her to sit on the bed, showing a softness that she would never have believed he had. He also helped her to lie down and covered her with her sheets. He was about to leave and go home when she grabbed his hand. She didn't say anything but he knew, just by her look, that she didn't want to be alone. So he took off if shoes and leaned next to her, staring at her.
Still holding hands, they kept looking into each other's eyes, seeking for solace. Watching the eyes of the diagnostician, Cuddy started to think that the child she had lost could have had such beautiful eyes too, inherited from its father. For a moment, she pleasantly imagined what a mix of their features would look like, but she suddenly remembered that it had been taken from her forever, and the pain overwhelmed her again.
She crouched, one hand on her belly, and tears started to flow again.
Still feeling uncomfortable and strangely upset by the situation, House pressed her hand stronger, trying to soothe her.
- « I'm so sorry, » she mumbled. "I'm such a failure. I was so happy when I saw that I finally got pregnant but I failed. I don't deserve to be a mother…"
- « Don't be stupid, » he said softly, caressing her arm. "It happens sometimes, and it's not your fault. I'm sorry it didn't work but you're a strong woman, you can try again…"
- « No » she said firmly. « I don't want to go through that again. I give up. I wouldn't be able to bear failing again, it hurts too much. »
He nodded, not knowing how to answer. On one hand, he was disappointed by the fact that she was giving up. He wanted her to try again and to succeed because she deserved it. And maybe he could help her again. Deep down, seeing her happy was warming up his heart that had been so cold since Stacy had left. He didn't know what prompted him to be so involved in the fact that she wanted to have a child, but he knew perfectly well that he had nothing to say about it, he just had to respect her choices.
- « Maybe it would have worked if we had done it the natural way. Little Greg always does a good job." He said softly to break the silence.
Cuddy smiled. She knew that he had said that to relax the atmosphere, not to make her uncomfortable. But she couldn't help wondering if it would have worked. What would have happened if she had slept with House ? What consequences would there have been ? What would be the consequences be if she decided to sleep with him right now ?
Understanding Cuddy's thoughts, seeing in her eyes that she was seriously reconsidering his words, House felt it was urgent to change subjects. He felt that in a moment of sadness and despair, Cuddy could want to sleep with him. And he wasn't strong enough to resist her. But he also knew that she would never forgive him if he took advantage of her distress.
- « But then you'd become completely addicted to my body, you'd abuse me and keep me from doing my job properly, which would be very pleasant at first, but then I wouldn't manage to get rid of you. So it would be better to not have yielded to your hot body in the first place." He said.
This time, Cuddy frankly laughed through her tears. They remained face to face for a moment, examining each other, barely realizing that they were dangerously close. They realized the short distance between them only when Cuddy raised her arm to wipe and tears and brushed the diagnostician's body in the process.
They both shivered and got closer to each other, almost unconsciously, but attracted by an uncontrollable force. Finally, House closed the distance between them and put his lips on Cuddy's, tasting her tears through their kiss. He gently stroked her mouth before biting her lower lip, making her open hers. Their tongues mingled sensually and they deepened the kiss with a delicacy that they would have never suspected between them. Eager to touch her, House put his arm around Cuddy's waist as she slipped a hand behind his neck.
Breathless, they finally parted but stayed closed to each other. He put his forehead against hers and they looked into each other's eyes until Cuddy whispered "Thank you for coming House." She dragged her hand from his neck to his cheek before moving away from him, and put a safe distance between both their bodies.
But House didn't let go of his grip on her hip, too confused by what had just happened. He was disturbed because of the chills he had felt when he had responded to his kiss and when she had caressed his cheek to thank him.
Why did he kiss her ? What was wrong with him ?
It was Cuddy, his boss, his biggest fantasy, the woman who was making his life miserable… And yet, he couldn't have restrained himself from jumping onto her lips, feeling in their kiss a taste of bitterness and a sense of an unfinished relationship. He had caved 20 years before and had ruined everything. They had hurt each other. They were getting closer again now, and he couldn't lose her. He couldn't lose her just because of a stupid impulse he had had, upset by the loss of a kid who wore his genes but who would certainly not have been his child if it had been born. He didn't want children, he didn't feel able to be a good father and he should definitely stop interfering in Cuddy's maternal desire, otherwise he would hurt them again.
He wanted to leave but he realized that Cuddy had put a hand on his chest, right were his heart was beating really fast, and that she had peacefully fallen asleep. So he decided to stop pretending, just for one night, and got closer to her before drifting into sleep too.
In her sleep, she turned around, putting her back against his chest. He took advantage of the situation and got closer to her, moving his hands over her abdomen, right where his offspring had grown for a few weeks. Repressing his doubts and the questions that continued to haunt him since he had known about the miscarriage, he buried his head in Cuddy's curls and fell asleep, cradled by her fragrance.
The morning after, Cuddy woke up and knew that something was different from the other mornings. The male scent that wafted through the air: House. The man thanks to whom she was starting to mourn their lost child. Just by his presence, he had managed to get her back on her feet and give her the desire to fight. She turned to see him, finally realizing that the bed was desperately empty.
He was gone. Once again, he had run away. But he had come, he had been honest with her and he had supported her. He had been there for her and now that he was gone, she could still bury her head in the pillow he had used and that still smelled like him. And for now, it was all that mattered.
