A/N: Not your typical Frasier fan fiction. This is an episode of Frasier if it were to have been written and directed by David Lynch (of Eraserhead, Mulholland Drive, Lost Highway, etc. fame).
That means you can expect surrealism, hidden meanings, and general weirdness. Not for everybody, but I thought it'd be interesting.
SCENE 1: The Alley.
It is broad daylight, and we watch as the camera pans very slowly around the corner of an alley into a connected alley. We see a dirty green dumpster and a homeless person lying down asleep against one of the walls surrounded by beer bottles. Police sirens can be heard in the road we approach. Suddenly it cuts to black.
SCENE 2: Frasier's Bedroom.
We fade in from black to a pitch dark version of Frasier's bedroom. We can't see anything except his large double bed, which is illuminated in a pale blue spotlight among a black void. We hear an electrical humming sound as Frasier lies asleep on his back.
The shot cuts closer to Frasier in the bed as the sound of the electrical hum becomes louder.
Suddenly Frasier's eyes bolt open and we are back in his real bedroom. It was just a dream.
Frasier awakens confused, his skin covered in goose bumps. Shivering with the cold he turns around to see his back wall entirely waterlogged, with the torrential rain which is typical of Seattle pouring in through the open windows.
Frasier gets up and, fighting the force of the wind, manages to close them shut.
He briefly looks around the room. It looks the same as always and yet, there is something unfamiliar about it. He can't quite place what that certain unfamiliar thing is. Perhaps it is no more than a feeling?
Shaking off the confusion of the strange dream Frasier exits his room and makes his way to the living room.
SCENE 3: Frasier's Living Room.
As we fade in to Frasier's living room, we see it is much more minimalist than usual. Many of his ornaments and objets are missing, and there is no artwork on any of the walls. The fireplace is lit. Martin sits alone at the dining table reading the paper. Without even looking at Frasier he can sense him enter the room.
Martin: Morning Fras. How are you feeling?
Frasier: Fine.
Martin: Glad to hear it.
Frasier: Dad, did Daphne leave the windows open in my bedroom yesterday? It's drenched in there, I'm lucky I didn't catch pneumonia.
Martin: No, she would never leave your windows open, you know she's very particular about that.
Frasier: I guess you're right...
Frasier pauses, looking troubled.
Martin: Something on your mind?
Frasier: I had a strange dream last night.
Martin: Well don't look at me for an interpretation, I thought you psychiatrists specialized in all that dream mumbo-jumbo.
Frasier: No it's not that, it's just... It feels like I've had the same dream before. There's something familiar about it.
Frasier stares into the fire.
Frasier: And what's with the fire?
Martin: Don't you like it? I can put it out if you want?
Frasier: No it's fine, the apartment could use the warmth.
Martin smiles.
Martin: If you like the fire then I like the fire.
Eddie hops up onto Martin's lap, and stares at Frasier.
Martin: ...But Eddie doesn't like the fire. I think he would be much happier if I just walked right on over there and snuffed it out.
Eddie barks and continues staring at Frasier who seems unnerved.
Martin: What do you think about that?
Frasier pauses seeming very uncomfortable.
Frasier: I have to go to the station now!
Frasier grabs his briefcase and quickly exits the apartment. Martin's smile remains fixed and he begins to stroke Eddie as the scene slowly fades into the next.
SCENE 4: KACL.
Frasier is midway through his radio show. He's on a roll, he's off of his chair with excitement as he yells out advice to his callers. Roz stares solemnly from her booth, oblivious to the energetic atmosphere.
Frasier: - Thanks for your call Emma! I'm on fire today Roz who do we have next!
Roz: We have Rodney on line 4.
Frasier: Put him on! Go ahead Rodney, I'm listening!
Rodney begins speaking, in a sombre voice, clearly facing a troubling situation.
Rodney: Are you listening?
Frasier: Yes!
Rodney: I don't think you're listening. You're too busy being a busybody. This is a serious problem Dr. Crane, and I would appreciate your full attention.
Frasier sits down at his chair and composes himself.
Frasier: Sorry Rodney. What's your problem?
Rodney: It's my friend, Dr. Crane.
Frasier: What about your friend?
Rodney: He's in trouble.
Frasier: What do you mean?
Rodney: He's in danger. His life is in danger. Help, Dr. Crane.
Frasier motions to Roz to pay attention, though she already is.
Frasier: What's wrong? What's the matter with your friend?
Rodney: He's been shot. A bullet – a bullet lodged deep – deep inside his chest.
Frasier: How long ago did this happen Rodney?
Rodney: It's happening right now... Listen.
A gunshot can be heard, and a screaming crowd.
Frasier: Oh, my God! Roz!
Frasier motions frantically to Roz. Roz looks very concerned and begins dialling 911. Rodney is crying on the line and suddenly breaks his flat voice into a furious cry.
Rodney: LISTEN DR. CRANE!
Frasier: Where are you?! We're sending the emergency services to you right now!
Rodney: CAFÉ NERVOSA!
Frasier: Oh my God! What's your friend's name?!
Rodney: IT'S – [The line goes dead]
Frasier: Roz! Send an ambulance, and the police, it could be Niles, or Daphne, or dad, or Eddie!
Frasier in an absolute panic rushes out of the station, knocking things flying, including his microphone, headphones and chair.
SCENE 5: Café Nervosa.
Frasier pulls up outside Café Nervosa in his BMW. He leaps out of the car and sprints into the coffee shop.
Frasier: Who's been shot?! What's going on here?!
The patrons and staff of Café Nervosa are clearly alarmed.
Waitress: Nobody's been shot, what are you talking about?
Frasier: A caller to my radio show told me someone had been shot here! I heard the gunfire for God's sake!
Waitress: Nobody' been shot! It was probably a prank caller, now if you could please calm down, you're scaring the customers…
Frasier: A prank?! But that's impossible- I mean, who would do that- it seemed so…
Waitress: Real?
Frasier: Yes…
Frasier pauses as he realizes that what she's saying is possible. It must have been a prank call.
Waitress: Your brother is here.
The waitress motions to Niles who is sitting at the back table, Frasier approaches and sits down with him.
Frasier: Sorry about the scene Niles, it seems a practical joker took it upon himself to call the station claiming there had been a shooting here.
Niles: Oh dear.
Frasier: Of course I couldn't help thinking one of you could have been here, that one of you could be hurt.
Niles: Understandable. But I'm afraid we have more pressing matters to discuss.
Frasier: Is something wrong?
Niles: Are you happy Frasier?
Frasier: Not this again.
Niles: Okay, okay, it's actually about a patient of mine.
Frasier: Niles? You're coming to me for advice about a patient? I'm shocked.
Niles: Well, he's a particularly tricky patient. He has a wife.
Frasier: Go on…
Niles: And he doesn't know whether to leave her, or to stay.
Frasier: A lot of couples have problems, surely you've suggested couples therapy?
Niles: …He wants to use me as a means of making a decision.
Frasier: What? How could he expect you to do such a thing?
Niles: He thinks that I understand the situation better than he does, owing to my PhD. The problem is, I can't tell whether – deep down – he wants to leave or stay. How do you suggest I help him make that decision?
Frasier stops and thinks for a moment, but draws a blank.
Frasier: I'm sorry Niles, I really don't know.
The waitress approaches.
Waitress: Are you ready to order?
Frasier: No. I actually have somewhere else I need to be. Niles, I'll see you tomorrow… Oh and if the emergency services turn up, send them my apologies will you?
Niles: No problem Frasier. Perhaps you'll figure out the answer to my question another day.
SCENE 6: The Alley.
It is broad daylight, and we watch as the camera pans very slowly around the corner of an alley into a connected alley. We see a dirty green dumpster and a homeless person lying down asleep against one of the walls surrounded by beer bottles. Police sirens can be heard in the road we approach.
We get to the edge of the alley and see a crowd has formed, they are crowding around an ambulance. There is a lot of commotion. As we approach the back of the crowd the scene suddenly cuts to black.
SCENE 7: Frasier's Bedroom.
Frasier awakens in his bedroom. It is freezing cold, the windows are open and rain is pouring in once again.
With great frustration, Frasier gets out of bed and pulls the windows shut with force.
Then storms out of his bedroom to the living room.
SCENE 8: Frasier's Living Room.
Storming into the living room about to kick up a fuss, Frasier sees Martin sitting at his recliner holding Eddie on a leash. His anger suddenly evaporates and instead he looks a bit uneasy. Martin turns his head.
Martin: Hey Fras, wanna see Eddie's new trick?
Frasier: No, dad, I do not want to see Eddie's new trick.
Martin: Go on Eddie! Show 'im your new trick!
Martin emulates the sound of a dog growling.
Frasier looks on with disdain which quickly becomes deep concern.
We hear Eddie growl slightly, followed by Martin growling again. As Martin growls a small amount of spittle flies from his mouth. Eddie growls again with more intensity.
Martin: Show him your trick Eddie!
Martin growls again, and suddenly all hell breaks loose.
Eddie - like a rabid dog - begins barking and snapping viciously, lunging forward relentlessly as Martin holds him back on the leash. He appears to be lunging at Frasier. Martin begins roaring with laughter. The camera cuts at a rapid pace between a close-up of Eddie barking, Martin laughing, Frasier's face looking on in pure horror, and the fire dwindling.
The barking and laughter becomes more and more intense, and louder in volume. As this happens we see random very short cuts of a close-up of a desk lamp as an electrical humming sound takes over. We are staring directly into the bulb. It begins to brighten. Suddenly Frasier can't take it anymore.
Frasier: STOP!
The scene IMMEDIATELY goes back to complete normality. Eddie is sitting calmly and Martin has a calm expression, and the fire is fully stoked, as though nothing had happened.
Martin: Well I'm going to go get a Ballantine.
Martin nonchalantly exits from the kitchen with Eddie. Frasier is about to leave the apartment but is stopped by the voice of Daphne. He turns to see her by the fireplace, wearing a white top.
Daphne: Dr. Crane.
Frasier: Daphne, where have you been?
Daphne: Right here stoking the fire.
Frasier: But I didn't see you.
Daphne: You weren't looking hard enough.
Daphne throws more kindling on the fire.
Frasier: Daphne, do you keep leaving my bedroom windows open? I know I haven't opened them but I woke up once again to find my bedroom drenched in rainwater. If that carpet gets ruined it will be coming out of your paycheck you know?
Daphne: No Dr. Crane. I would never leave your windows open, wouldn't want you getting cold now would I?
Frasier: Right. Then maybe the latches have come loose, can you call someone from maintenance to take a look for me?
Daphne: Of course.
Frasier: Thank you Daphne. I have to leave, but I want you to keep a close eye on dad for me, he's been acting strange lately.
Daphne: I'll do my best.
Frasier grabs his briefcase and exits the apartment.
A/N: Next part coming soon.