Zombies in Harry Potter, I was disappointed how few stories of this kind there was about so here is a solution. A magical tale of zombies and jokes. I owe so much to Muffliato advice and awesomeness and I encourage you to check out her page. This was going to be a silly story then it became slightly serious as all stories tend to do: P. It will be a series.
All owned by Jo Rowling and Warner Bros, I own nothing except my yak and the necklace of mystery.
Chapter 1 the jogging dead
"Hold that elevator!"
A foot shot out blocking the gold gate from closing.
"Come on George we can't wait all day!" shouted Arnold Pintwell pulling the lift door aside.
He was tall man and his dark robes extended this.
The late- not that kind-George was halfway to the elevator a symbol of shabby disorganisation.
"I'm coming, I'm coming"
The polished floor of the Atrium made it hard to build momentum.
He crashed into the lift and let go of the papers he had been clutching to his chest.
They folded mid fall and took off for the celling little intricate bits of paper cut free origami.
Straightened his robes and flatting what he insisted was hair and not dark bits of straw he gained the composure of a person who defiantly doesn't want it pointed out to him he was late.
Inside the lift was a squat witch, two rather embarrassed looking warlocks who were standing rather too close to be just friends and a rather ugly house elf who was clutching a grimy cloth to his chest.
"That was close" said Arnold grinning ruefully.
George gave a short snort.
"The measures they've got on the desk, laughable"
"Ah well its nessacry extra precautions, extra security these are dangerous times you know that"
There was an edge to Arnold's voice.
George nodded.
It wasn't that he didn't like the precaution, even if it was inconvenient, it's just it was clear to any sane wizard that it had about as much chance of detecting a rampaging erumpent then one of you-know-who's spies. They jammed a secret sensor in your face asked you some trivial questions then gave you access to all of wizarding Britain's deepest secrets it would have been laughable if it wasn't so terrifying.
They stood in awkward silence as the lift clanged and rattled around them.
The squat witch coughed dryly.
The lift clanged and a familiar female voice chimed.
Floor Five, Department of International Cooperation including….
The squat witch left the elevator trailed by memos. Most memos went to this floor mainly asking if Andorra would kindly keep world peace for another day or two.
For a few moments there was silence.
Floor Three Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes
The two embarrassed looking wizards shuffled out sideways a cloth covering something connect them together.
When the lift had ventured forth Arnold turned to George.
"I think they got into a bit of a sticking incident"
"Happens all the time at least on floor three"
George disapproved of the conduct of all departments that weren't his own. Didn't know how to manage them properly let employees have too much leeway.
"Yes but this occurred whilst they were…. In disposed"
Floor one Office of the Minister for Magic….
The door clanged open and the house elf shuffled out.
As soon as the doors closed and the floor slipped from view a change took over the lift.
It was as if someone had removed a mask to show that under the angry looking exterior was an angry interior tired of wearing a sweaty mask.
"George you know what's going to happen don't you?"
He nodded currently.
"He's coming; he's going to get in and..."
He nodded curtly.
"George turned to him all pretence of cool conversation dropped.
"You need to get out of the country you and Anne, head to Bulgaria, Norway anywhere but here George cause in a week or two it won't be safe for any of us"
He tried to nod but his neck was stuck.
"Arnold I'd love to flee but the department, we have some very important things to finish things the dark lord cannot be allowed to get his hands on"
Arnold scowled.
He knew more than anyone the important work of the various sub-departments George's department worked on wizarding folklore, he was as useful in the fight as a cheese wand.
"In your section! Honestly George think of Anne think of Phillus he's just starting school! Get out whilst they haven't got Dementors over Bristol!"
Arnold's hands had balled into fists, he wanted to knock some sense into him, and if he could understand the importance of leaving then it was only work horse arrogance that stopped George from hanging up his tie.
"George this isn't a game, he's getting stronger the Ministry will fall!"
For the first time George gave a clear reaction.
He turned to face Arnold who was now bent slightly and seemed to want to shake George very hard.
"Arnold I can't just up root Phillus and Anne"
They'll understand if you tell them about the bloody dark lord George, they know you a target!"
"But Phillus"
"Will find another school"
Arnolds hand reached out and rested on Georges shoulder
It was the most physical contact he'd shown anyone beyond a handshake.
"I worry for you George, take your broom and head to Holland I'll send your things after you just please don't be here when it starts"
The lift gave an odd shake.
Level 9 Department of Mysteries
"Ok give me a day more and I'll quit, just to finish a project mind, and then I'll get on the first horse out of here, I'll write the letter to Anne in my office"
Arnold smiled.
"A wise move George"
He straightened the front of his robes.
They walked in synchronised step, despite Arnolds much larger gait, down the central hall.
Blue fires flickered like dying suns and the sound of the men's shoes seemed to echo slightly.
"See what happens when your late George we miss the rush, oh well at least Stevens isn't banging into me"
They took a sharp left at the end of the corridor.
"You know George give me a week and I'll be flying out"
"I've got a cousin in Lichtenstein runs a troll control service maybe I'll give that a try, I could hold the mallet".
George smiled.
"I think you'd better stick to an office job, trolls are a bit too fast for you"
For the first time since Lord Voldemort's unexpected visit a year ago they laughed.
In the depths of Surrey there was a rather small rather dirty bedroom and next to that was an even smaller even dirtier one. This bedroom on the second floor of a most ordinary house was plain painted, cluttered and currently filled to the brim with the last falling rays of sunlight. It looked as any other school boys room would look during the summer holidays if that school was Hogwarts and if that boy was Harry James Potter.
The room was currently messy even by Harry's standard. Clothes and books made nests in every corner and space available breeding bad smells and worse organisation. Old daily prophets were piled here and there the latest one three days old, the order had asked Harry to stop receiving mail, was yellowing on the bed side the front page proclaiming "Wife of Tope Ministry Official Found Dead". "Yesterday afternoon ministry aurors arrived at the home of Bresen and Alice Bulstrode to discover that Mrs Bulstrode, 35 had been viscously attacked and the dark mark lurking over there two story cottage. It is suspected that Mrs Bulstrode had refused them entry to her home when they had come calling and so they had, story continued page 5. Hedwig clicked her beak.
Harry had been pacing his room a book in either hand. This was not out of some sort of Hermione like commitment to education but because he was not sure which one would be useful in his upcoming guest. He paced because he couldn't sit still not for very long anyway, despite the danger the familiar agitation that Harry felt every summer had returned so now he paced in a bar less cage. He was just leaning towards taking Practical Defensive Magic and Its Use against the Dark Arts over Jinxes for the Jinxed when the world shook.
The front door had been knocked on by something very big and the sound of it angry.
Harry went tense.
Grapping his wand from his nightstand he walked over to the door and edged it open a crack.
His uncle was already at the top of the stairs
"Who's calling at this time of night?" came Uncle Vernon's grunt from the landing.
The door shook again this time so hard that dust fell from Harrys ceiling, an uncomfortable reminder of the cupboard under the stairs.
"I'm coming!" shouted Uncle Vernon.
Too late.
There was a final knock and then a crescendo of splintering wood and the door meet the carpet.
A cloud of dust like the flame of a Chinese Fireball rose into the air settling on the vacuumed carpet of the landing.
Harry crouched low and moved forward. They were under attack.
"Now I don't know what you're playing…"
There was noise like a pig fainting then the sudden sharp footsteps on the stairs.
It sounded as if for the first time in decade's uncle Vernon was running.
"Petunia he's back!"
Harry smiled.
"Hagrid!"
Standing slightly bent in the door way his beetle black eyes twinkling was Rubeus Hagrid, care of magical creature's teacher at Hogwarts and technically Harry's oldest magical friend.
"Hello Harry"
Harry ran down the stairs and hugged what part of the half-giant he could reach.
"But wait I thought I wasn't being moved until my birthday"
Hagrids expression became suddenly tense.
"There's been a change of plan Harry you see… well something's happened its kinda hard to explain"
Hagrids hands were ringing each other. Harry hadn't seen him this nervous since fluffy.
"Hagrid what wrong?"
Hagrid's mouth opened. He was like an enormous hairy fish, which in a strange evolutionary sense he was.
The words were fighting to get out caught as they so often were between Hagrid's sense of duty and his deep friendship to Harry.
"What's going on in there Potter?!" shouted a gruff voice from Hagrid's left.
Mad Eyed Moody, the grizzled ex-auror, elbowed his way in front of Hagrid his face set in its usual glower at the universe.
"No time for pleasantries Potter, we need to leave now!"
Harry had thought he'd know the Cyclops of criminology but that had turned out to be a death eater, David Tennet, in disguise, really it made you question staffing at Hogwarts.
"But Professor Moody why am I being moved…"
"Because your security's been compromised that's why Potter and I've told you I'm not your teacher".
Mad eye elbowed past him, wand drawn.
"Have you packed?"
"Well no I was just"
"Well go get on with it!"
Mad eye stumped off into the living room.
Harry turned to Hagrid who was still standing awkwardly on the porch.
"Hagrid what happened? Is it Snape?!"
"Harry it's… just… there's these things and…"
"Potter!"
Mad Eye's lighting baby blue was still on him, clearly.
Harry reluctantly headed upstairs.
What had happened to make Hagrid so nervous and Mad Eye so, well Mad Eye, could the Ministry have fallen, did the protection perhaps end earlier then Dumbledore had thought? Had some contrived plot point lead to a disturbance in the force? Whatever it was it was making two of the bravest men he'd met, or in the case of one thought he'd met, edgy and so he began to pack.
Harry began throwing objects he thought might be useful into his rug sack. Books, Invisibility cloak, marauders amp, broken mirror. He was pondering whether or not to take his sneakerscop, but then considering it would properly deafen him decided against it.
He gave his room one last look.
Briefly he had an image of death eaters bursting through the window, ripping through his wardrobe, admiring his posters and was quite glad to be leaving before he could hear their views on the chuddly cannons.
"Time to go!"
He grabbed Hedwig's cage, Hedwig was woken sharply from her slumber (Defiantly would need some camomile), his rucksack and hurried out the room, he was at the top of the stairs when.
"Where do you think you are going!" hissed Uncle Vernon.
His piggy eyes were staring at Harry from the crack he had made in his bedroom door.
He looked livid, his head a giant plum. Sadly not literally.
Harry had thought of this moment, the day he'd leave the Dursleys forever for years, the day he walked out of there hateful glowering, but now it was here he was strangely confunded.
This was the house he'd grown up in, well partially.
He had thought he'd have more time, but here it was.
This was goodbye.
So he smiled.
"Home".
He rushed down stairs and after a quick check he had everything leapt over the remains of the front door into the warm mid-summers night. The Durselys had not been his family anymore then no.4 had been his home and he left it with a strange relief, he was ready. Harry saw Hagrid, Mad eye and a third wizard who he recognised as his third year defence against he dark arts teacher Professor Lupin.
"Hello, Professor" he said beaming.
"Good to see your well Harry"
"How's Tonks?"
"Very well in fact I have good..."
"Later Lupin, its important now we get Potter in the sky".
"You'll be riding with me" said Hagrid and he pointed at a large black motorcycle to which was attached a side car.
It was humming and occasionally it let out a dry cough of smoke like a demonic Umbridge.
"I thought, you know since I was the one who brought you here".
Sentimentally dripped from the scenery, a blob of it landed on Harry's shoe.
"Right Potter into the side car, Lupin and I will flank you"
Harry had spotted a major problem with this plan.
"But pro... Moody wont the death eaters see me won't they know that three order members flying like a guard is properly guarding something".
Mad Eye smiled or at least the scars arranged themselves in a different order.
"Potter we have far bigger worries then Death eaters"
That wasn't technically an answer thought Harry and in fact raised more questions but Moody was already mounting his broom.
"No I mean seriously what is..."
Harry's knees suddenly buckled.
Hagrid had rested one enormous hand on his shoulder.
"I know it seems fishy but trust us Harry there's been a lot of changes lately now got me bike time we were off"
Harry didn't know what to think of this. Sudden blind trust of people who could well be putting him in mortal peril he hadn't done that since Dumbledore.
Harry sat in the side car. It was with a great deal of uneasy reluctance but then is there easy reluctance?
It rattled like a nervous Jabberwocky and it was strange how low down it was, he sunk a few feet further then he was expecting.
When settled he could just see over the rim of the car.
A few seconds later the bike sagged a few inches indicating that Hagrid was ready.
"You alright Harry?"
"Yeah fine" said Harry adjusting the straps of a turquoise helmet.
"Could you not have gotten a taller side car?"
Hagrid didn't hear or at least had grown deaf to requests for taller things having grown use to making them himself.
There was silence for a few moments aside from the splutter of the motorbike.
"Right now on my count, One, Two, Three" came a bark from Harry's right.
There was a squealing and grunt and the motorcycle kicked into life moving forward down the street in cloud of petroleum gas.
Harry was glad for the helmet for the bikes sudden acceleration sent him careering into the back of the side car. Adjusting himself he heaved himself up in his seat allowing him a better view over the car.
They were still almost ground level though the smoothness of the ride indicated some flight was taking place. Harry could see Mad Eye reclined in his broom throne flying close about three feet above.
"Gonna take us a bit to pull up Harry, hold on!"
Hagrid gunned the accelerator and the bike entered a very gradual rise. They were lucky that there was so little traffic Harry thought at current level they would of occupied the front seat of any oncoming vehicles which would problematic if they were occupied.
Suddenly a figure appeared in the centre of the road. Whilst still at a distance it clearly was a person. To Harry, and due to their upbringing only Harry, it seemed like they'd arrived for the showdown at high noon scene in an old Western except where was Clint Eastwood?
"Hagrid look out!" screamed Harry pointing ahead. They were still too low; they were going to hit them. The engine screamed as Hagrid tried to force the front up and the rattling caused Harrys glasses to engage in a sort of highland jig.
They must have looked like an oncoming train or at least a very noisy firefly with a death wish for the bikes one large headlamp was boring down on the lonely wanderer.
Yet the person stood there as if the ice cream van was coming.
Harry squinted ahead to see if he could recognise them, he could shout for them to get out of the way.
Illuminated by the bikes lamp light Harry could just see rather mothy clothes, slippers and was that a bag of cat food?
"It's Mrs Figg! Pull up Hagrid, Pull up!"
Hagrid heaved on the handles and metal clicked.
His face, what was visible, was screwed in concentration. He had the look Ron got when he saw a particular delicious chocolate frog. Harry's fingers pulled on the sidecar as if he could somehow will the vehicle up.
She was still standing there. Couldn't she see that a half giant and a side car were amount to collide with her. Maybe squibs couldn't see impending vehicular homicide.
The bike remained stubbornly low climbing by its metaphorical fingernails inches into the sky any moment now they were going to hit Mrs Figg.
Harry drew his wand, he would try the Protego charm, see if it helped Mrs Figg as for Hagrid and himself they were going to see if Sirrus had included airbags and a how to repair your spleen kit.
They were feet from her the bikes huge front wheel at eye level spinning in the breeze like a saw.
Harry was about to cast the charm when he saw her in the full light.
Her head was titled as if she had spotted a particularly interesting street lamp. Her mouth was open and lip stick, thick covered the lower part of her mouth and chin.
Her arms were lip at her side and her feet were splayed like Krum's at weird angles. To Harry she looked like some grotesque puppet, but not the kind that sung of wizard birthdays.
"What the..!"
Bam. Cartoon sound effects tend not to occur in reality. In fact they are so rare that some have convinced themselves they never happen but they do and when they do it turns your blood cold.
The front wheel hit and the bike dipped ever so briefly forward. Rocking slightly they righted and the bag continued to climb.
Harry spun in his seat bashing his elbow on the side of the car.
Behind them was a sight that Harry was ashamed to say reminded him of the fortune of magical brethren a year before in that it was missing a head. It swayed briefly then the figure that was Mrs Figg slumped forward and fell onto Privet Drive spilling cat food. Her head had rolled off into a gutter and would be discovered for 15 more minutes by a rather confused dog eager for revenge for having been forbidden from cat hunting.
"Hagrid, that was.."
"That was not Arabella Figg Harry!" shouted Hagrid interrupting. The roar of the engines meant they had to bellow to be heard.
Harry was shocked.
"You mean she... That was a death eater… but that doesn't..."
"No Harry listen it's about why we're moving you tonight, something's happened something bad, it's put you in danger".
Harry was stunned. What could be worse than Voldemort? Some villain with no eyebrows perhaps?
Besides he was already in danger.
The motorcycle cleared the houses and they were now the least aerodynamic thing in the sky aside form a swallow laden with coconut.
"The dead are coming back Harry, everywhere attacking wizard and muggle folk, if I'm honest we've been taken by surprise".
Harry had a sickly reminder of his visit to the cavern, the boat ride, Gollum wait that was Bilbo, Dumbledore and armies of the dead.
"Someone's raised an army of infeir?!"
"No Harry these are different, there…. monsters"
Harry was shocked, flesh eating beasts Hagrid didn't buy Teddy bears for, he didn't get things now.
"There in the ministry and Diagon alley this escape was an emergency of the orders we had to keep you safe after all".
The bike was now fairly high and Harry had a panoramic view of Surrey.
Wind whipped at his face.
It was terrible not only because it was Surrey, red glows taunted the sky were large fires blazed out of control, a serpent of lights snaked across the countryside indicating a jammed highway and out far to the South there was darkness which was far worse than the signs of panic and despair bellow.
A lightning bolt flashed dramatically in the distance.
"Hagrid what about Ron? Hermione? Neville?! He hasn't even done anything badass yet?!"
"Ron and Hermione are fine there at the Burrow with Molly as for the others the orders organising a mass evacuation of wizards and witches, most can look after themselves of course but there are wizarding children who need an urgent seeing too, Lupin says there being taken to Hogwarts for their protection, which is about the safest place there is".
"Yes safe….. Of course"
There was an awkward silence.
"What are we doing to help the muggles, what about the Dursleys? Though to be honest being zombies might improve them"
Hagrid gave a chuckle.
"What you call them….. Zombies?, honestly Harry sometimes I think Dumbledore had the wrong idea leaving you with Muggles"
Arthur Weasley had enjoyed the promotion. After all it meant more galleons for school supplies but now as he sorted through a collection of medals to ward of werewolves, 12 sickles for full moon time protection, he began to feel a little uneasy. The hours were much longer and he was missing spending more time with Molly and the children. He'd been in the office since six going over reports of a small filthy looking man who Arthur strongly suspected when caught would be a close match for Mundungus Fletcher selling invisibility potions that when drunk turned the user purple. According to the report it contained crushed undiluted billywig stings, Arthur secretly wondered how they covered the taste. Still the job did have its benefits. He now had a much larger office with desk that stretched luxioursly from wall to wall. Currently said desk was coated in a thin layer of reports and memos and the occasional relic of an artefacts bust including a top that spun lazily of its own a cord, ,Sasha's sneekerscoops know when there coming so you can start running, and a pair of shoes which coughed smoke. He was just about to send out an arrest warrant for the smuggler when a crash from outside the office jolted him out of officialdom.
"What on…"
He stood up from the desk and peered at the office door.
It was rarely disturbed, strangely enough the only person that dropped by was Scrimgeour and that was to talk about Harry, Dumbledore had been right then.
"I'm sure it's…"
He pulled out his wand.
The ministry was not safe, Molly had been asking him to quit but he'd promised to remain to keep an eye of Harry's protection and the Minsters the Order knew had fallen under Voldemorts illuminations.
Don't be silly it'll just be Perkins tripping over his robes or a walrus.
He stored his wand.
But whilst times had changed it was still the ministry.
He walked over to the door and ready his most official face.
"Now really I've got a lot of…"
It felt like they'd been flying for hours, which is good because they had been. If they'd felt like it was minutes or days they would have been way off.
"We should be close Harry" shouted Hagrid as they thundered over a small forest.
"How do you know Hagrid?"
"Dramatic timing"
"What Hagrid?"
"I mean Mad Eye he's slowing down"
The bike gave a sputter.
"Good thing an all, this things just about done"
Up ahead a light indicated the welcoming nest that was the Burrow. Harry squinted to see if he could make out the broom shed or vegetable garden. But all he could see was the light and the forms of his guardians descending just a few yards ahead.
"Hagrid you said they were in the Ministry, well doesn't that mean the burrow will be vulnerable?"
"Aye Harry but were hoping that you-know-who will have his hands full"
"But even if what about the zombies?"
"Mad Eye will tell us if he spots anything, though he might call off the move if he see's a gnome"
Harry had a dozen other questions. He swallowed them reluctantly.
Suddenly the bike pitched and begun to descend.
It moved in a steady drop, Harrys stomach would of lurched if it hadn't been hardened by the child friendly sport of Qudditch.
"Hang on Harry"
Harry wished he could, the shudder of the bike was making gripping the side impossible.
It felt like a shuttle re-entering earth's orbit.
The Bike sailed down like a brick through a window or a pirate ship through a London fog.
Lupin and Mad Eye mere feet ahead glanced back nervously.
Both seemed to regret not teaching Hagrid the impact position.
"Steady" said Hagrid as the bike shuddered.
"Steady".
The Bike hiccupped.
Harry couldn't see the ground and wondered what Hagrid was using for measurement.
He soon found out.
Bang!
The bike smashed into something solid.
The force nearly tore the magical motor in two.
Small bits of was it stone hit Harry's skin and dirt sprayed up into his glasses.
Then a sudden jolt and the bike came to a halt.
Harry mentally checked his bones were okay. Yes no bloody skelly-grow tonight
"You aright Harry?"
Harry wiped his face.
"Fine Hagrid".
"Sorry about that Harry I think we hit the vegetable patch, hard to tell in the dark"
"It's okay Hagrid, besides it's not like we plummeted outta the sky unconscious"
Hagrid chuckled.
"Then we would have been in trouble"
Heaving himself up Hagrid went round and plucked Harry out his seat like a unicorn hair.
Setting him down in the squelchy mud that had once been a gnomes pride and joy they walked towards the Weasleys front lawn.
Mad Eye and Lupin were waiting.
"Hagrid try to keep the boy outta the garden next time" barked Mad Eye.
"He's alright, Ailstor"
"Good, Lupin escort the boy in Hagrid and I will keep watch out here".
Hagrid seemed about to protest saw the entrance to the Weasleys sighed and patted Harrys shoulder.
Something popped in it.
"Aright Harry I'll see you in a bit"
"Thanks Hagrid and you too Mad Eye".
"Just get inside before something see's you"
Harry turned.
Lupin and Harry walked towards the house.
Lupin had a faint smile on his lips.
"I was worried there we'd have more trouble"
"Me too, I'm surprised we didn't encounter any death eaters"
"Well Harry I think Voldemort will be having difficulties of his own"
"That's what Hagrid said, do you not think there connected to him?"
"Maybe Harry but I think from the lack of company in the skies I could safely venture this was a surprise to him, or a plan in which he has a lot of confidence"
"He is very arrogant Professor"
"That's what I fear"
There was a pause.
"Harry you know you don't have to do this alone"
"I know"
"We are here and can help you"
"I know"
"So don't put yourself in danger, now let us protect you"
"Of course professor" said Harry the lie weighing heavily on him like the dozen in his past that is too say not at all.
Lupin looked doubtful.
"You really are like your father Harry"
Before Harry could respond, Lupin knocked.
"Who's there!?" came the voice of Mrs Wealsey
"Remus Lupin with Harry Potter"
There was pause and then the door flew open revelling the motherly face of Mrs Wealsey.
Harry walked in with Lupin at his side.
The burrow was much the same as last time he'd seen it except no it seemed even more welcoming for it was calm in a sea of chaos.
"Oh Harry dear I'm so glad to see you okay"
She bundled him up in a huge hug.
"Ron and Hermione are upstairs, there understandably shaken up but they'll be delighted to see you".
"Thanks Mrs Weasley".
She turned to Lupin.
"How was he trip Remus?"
"Mercifully uneventful Molly"
Mrs Weasley continued to beam.
"Excellent, Tonks is patrolling out back".
"Wonderful"
Lupin strolled through the kitchen and out the backdoor.
"Now Harry before you go running upstairs I think firstly we should get you some dinner"
"I'm fine Mrs Weasley's honestly"
"Nonsense look how thin you've gotten"
"Yes lose anymore and we could mail you to Hogwarts" said Fred.
He was beaming and strode over to Harry and shook his hand with mock enthusiasm.
"Mind it might make it easier to keep you safe don't see many owl death eaters, suppose it's the masks , beaks really get in the way" said George as he appeared to shake Harrys hand profusely.
"Good to see you Fred, George" said Harry beaming. "How's the joke shop?"
"A little slow" replied Fred.
"The walking dead, sparkling personalities but not a bit of a sense of humour, honestly you'd think they'd love a bit of nose bleed nougat".
"The shops been put under new management Harry at least until we can find a way to sell snack boxes to the departed" continued George.
"That's terrible, where you in Diagon alley when it happened?"
"Gosh no Harry we were on a business trip in Slough, Mad Eyes patronus appeared told us about the Ministry and we got back here with are brooms between are legs".
The mention of the Ministry made Harry unusually aware.
"Where's Mr Weasley did he?"
"He's fine dear" said Mrs Weasley diverting Harry's attention. There was an uncertainty in her voice that made Harry uneasy.
"Come now boys, Harry we need to talk about your living arrangements"
"Harry!" came two familiar voices from the stairwell.
Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger Harry's two best friends in the world rushed towards him.
Ron lanky and ginger, Hermione bright and bushy haired made the most wonderful sight in the world.
"Good to see yah mate" said Ron hugging him.
"Oh Harry we were so worried" said Hermione joining the hug.
For a few seconds they were just happy to see each other.
"When those things started attacking and then with the death eaters it just… well good job getting out"
"Thanks" said Harry, "How have things here been?"
"We've been reinforcing the place in case, well you know" said Ron.
"Magical charms on all the entrances plus a few deterrent spells" said Hermione.
"It's as safe as a place can be" continued Ron.
Harry beamed.
"Excellent who's here?"
"Well there are Kingsley, Bill, Fleur, Charlie and Tonks" said Hermione
"Most of them are on watch"
"Harry, what do you know about the zombies?" asked Hermione.
"Nothing only what Hagrid told me, said they'd gotten into the Ministry".
There was a brief silence.
Something danced in it.
"It's a little worse than that mate" said Ron.
Five minutes later they were sat round the kitchen table drinking cups of hot chocolate.
Harry was listening attentively.
"There all over the country Mad Eye says reports of them even on Azkaban, not sure what a death eaters going to do with a zombie though"
"Kingsley says theve managed to protect Hogsmeade but it's tough, the creatures are difficult to repel" said Hermione, her drink had gone cold and untouched.
"How?" asked Harry.
Zombies from what little he knew were mindless and defiantly not magical, difficult to manage but not invincible, that was sparkly vampires.
"Well, the order believes someone's helping them"
"But Lupin said..."
"Some believe its Voldemort some believe it's a mad follower of his, whoever it is theve been planning this for a long time".
"The zombies are dangerous Harry, slow but dangerous but thankfully there easy enough to stop"
"It's the fear that gets most people I suppose seeing your great aunt shuffling towards you would deter most people" said Ron grimacing.
Harry was worried, not about the zombies but about his plans.
From what his friends were telling him Horcrux hunting would be even more difficult, after all Voldemort would just have to wait for a particularly hungry neighbour before Harry was stopped.
"We don't know who caused them then?" continued Harry.
"No clue might even have been the muggles" continued Ron.
"Don't be stupid Ron, a mass rising of the dead at this speed it's defiantly ether magic or a Romero movie".
"But what about" Harry leaned forward, whispering "the horcruxes".
"Harry we've got a bloody zombie outbreak!"
But Hermione cleared her throat.
"Ron, Harry's right things may have gotten, tricky to say the least but even when the zombies are gone we will still have to stop Voldemort"
Suddenly there was a sharp knock at the door.
Fred opened it gracefully.
"Ah Mad Eye you old..."
"Where's Molly?!" barked the auror.
"Yes Alistair" said Mrs Weasley walking over from the sink, wash cloth clutched in her hands.
"It's the Lovegoods, thieve tried to make it here on foot, don't know why dam fools, well they need help, Lupin and I are going to head out but that means people are going to have to keep watch".
"We can do it" said Harry pushing his chair back.
The two adults turned to him.
"Harry dear we really think you three should stay indoors for your own safety".
"Moly's right Harry stay indoors and watch the windows well be back soon".
Harry stood up.
"No, Luna's are friend we've got to make sure she's alright".
Mad Eye sighed.
"A lot of good people are fighting to make sure you stay..."
"I know and I'm grateful but she's are friend"
Moly seemed about to speak back when Lupin appeared.
"Mad Eye we need to go"
"Right Remus"
He strode out saying "Fine guard the perimeter but stay near people".
Molly glowered at them.
"Fine but you're not to leave Bills side understood?"
Harry, Ron and Hermione drew there wands and walked out onto the lawn.
It was very dark and the lights of the burrow only illuminated a few feet out into the countryside.
Beyond that possible monsters were lurking but then they always were on a good day it was a dragon.
Bill was outside and next to him wrapped in a long blue cloak was Phlegm.
"Hello Harry, tough night?" said Bill reaching out his hand.
He had a cheeky grin on his face.
"I've had worse" replied Harry.
"Hello Harrie it is good to see you again" said Phlegm hugging him. Her long blond hair tickled his nose.
"Now I'm not sure what Mad Eye told you but the drill is to walk around the grounds and stun anything that even twitches".
The trio nodded.
"What if it's a gnome?"
"Stun it twice"
"Don't leave the light and stay close to Fleur and I there slow but if they come tonight they'll be a lot of them"
The trio nodded.
"Zombies or Fleur? Zombies or Fleur?" muttered Hermione.
"What was that?" asked Ron.
"Just Fleur bashing" replied Hermione.
"Aright be careful" shouted Bill and they set off.
They walked in a slow semi-circle round the front of the house.
Occasionally there would be a twitch, a rustle of grass or the hunting of some eager gnome but all was otherwise still.
It was much like this for fifteen minutes until they saw a low light that grew as it got closer.
Lupin pulling the hand of Luna Lovegood was closing in on the burrow.
But behind them were five or six undead slowly shuffling their way up towards them.
Lupin turned and fired a jet of red light that stunned the lead Zombie.
Suddenly there was a shout to Harry's right.
"Bloody hell one of the bastards bit me" said Bill shaking his hand like a fresh burn.
"Ah Zombie!?" shouted Harry.
His mind swam with images of Bill fighting infection and then succumbing to the zombie plague.
"No one of the bloody gnomes". He sucked his finger.
Bill, Fleur, Ron and Hermione each fired a bright red beam of light which hit the zombies square in the chests.
The light illuminated them in shocking movement.
Each creature was instantly stunned falling flat.
If only history of magic was as easy.
"Hello all" said Lupin smiling as he jogged closer.
"Mad Eyes bringing Xepohplius along shortly, man wanted to collect the beast's saliva, poor fellow"
"Daddy says these creatures are really just deranged vampires, driven to frenzy by Twilight" whispered Luna in her dreamy tone.
Lupin smiled weakly at Bill and Fleur who were wearing the confused look so often familiar to those who meet Luna.
Her cork earrings dangled in the breeze.
"Oh hello Harry, Ron Hermione" she said smiling. She spoke as if they had appeared out of thin air.
"Hello Luna" they said and stepped forward.
"Are you alright?"
"Yes fine, well we were never in any real danger after all vampires can't stand the smell of toast" she indicated her shoes to which two bits of butter toast had recently been attached.
"Daddy made them when we heard about the village, cool aren't they?"
"Yes turns out the village has gotten hit by this plague" said Lupin.
"Bit too close to Harry"
Bill nodded.
Suddenly Mad Eye and his charge landed a few feet away.
Xexpohilus Lovegood seemed to be fighting to get off the broom.
"Inside now" he said pointing at Ron, Harry and Hermione.
"Someone take this idiot, keeps trying to get back to them".
"It's vital research! You've interrupted vital efforts to foster better Wizard/Vampire relations"
Mad Eye glowered.
Xephopluis love good looked quite dishelved a sort of wizarding doc brown.
"Come on Mr Lovegood" said Bill gesturing him inside.
"But. But.." he stammered but followed Bills suggestion.
Harry and the others walked back inside.
"So… where's Ginny?" he asked in a pathetic imitation of casual concern.
Ron looked away but Hermione grinned.
"She's upstairs, don't think she knows you're here do you..."
Harry was already jogging up the rickety case.
When asked later Harry would have told you that he wasn't quite sure how they'd gotten in the window or through the doors or the chimney Santa style but they had and they were at the stairs before Mad Eye raised the alarm.
"What the..."
Harry reached for his glasses.
He grouped found them then pressed them too his face.
"Ron what's going on?"
A shrill shriek tore through the room.
"It's Mad Eyes alarm, my Rowling they can't be in?!"
Harry and Ron ran to the door and flung it open.
Harry immediately pressed himself to the wall. Years of near hits had made him Hufflepuff cautious.
Lupin was standing on the stairs his wand raised.
"Harry get inside!" he shouted. There was the noise of pops and bangs from outside.
It sounded like an impromptu firework show.
Lupin charged down the stairs closely followed by Tonks.
Harry followed. He wasn't sure why but leaving Lupin and Tonks alone in battle felt wrong.
From the stairs it was clear how far the zombies had gotten. The kitchen was packed and the living room overflowed as fifty or so residents of Ottery St. Catchpole struggled to get at Harry.
They were not rotting corpses so much, most just look like dishelved muggles but they were all ferocious.
Mad Eye and Kingsley were standing at the bottom of the stairs, they had been on guard duty, and were holding back the horde single handed. It was easy to forget how powerful some of Harry's guardians were.
Lupin and Tonks joined them.
"Good to see you" growled Mad Eye. He wiped some zombie off his night cloak.
The zombies were never more than two feet away but that enough as wands whirled and danced.
The wizards seemed to be cutting the creatures apart, the slashes of there wands slashing real cuts in the attackers.
"We need to push them out" shouted Kingsley.
A zombie lunged for him.
"Use Protego!" shouted a girl's voice from behind them.
Hermione was standing in her pyjamas clearly shocked at the sight. At her side was Ginny and Luna.
"Use Protego and push them back"
"What?" barked Mad Eye.
"Listen to her Mad Eye Hermione's rarely wrong" said Lupin as he cut a zombies head from his shoulders.
"Fine on three"
Four shields appeared forming a large barrier between the order and the attackers.
"Forward!" shouted Mad Eye.
It was like a bulldozer. Zombies collapsed on each other tripping and massing as they were caught up in the shields mighty push. The faster ones, 5 miles an hour, were fallen under the slower as the shield widened the green zone of the household. It reminded Harry of a snowplough.
"This is the worst thing to happen at the Burrow since it burned down in the sixth film" said Ginny.
"Cuse me" said Bill, pushing past Harry and Ron as he rushed forward wand drawn. He filled the gap in the shield created by its widening.
The Order had now cleared most of the house but it was hard to direct the zombies as they tangled in furniture.
"Enjoying the show" asked Fred.
"What?"
"The fireworks, the Zombies love em at least until they hit em" he said smiling.
"Ever seen what a dragon firework does to a recently deceased ostrich farmer"
"We've just about cleared the gnome garden, let's hope the zombies ate moms sprouts" beamed George.
Eventually as the shield neared the walls there was nowhere to go and the zombies were crushed like a coach roach cluster.
The crunch echoed and the beasts roared.
"Drop it" ordered Tonks and the shield fell.
They were gathered in heaps around the burrow broken limps and snapping jaws. Some squirmed to fight like the black knight.
"I'll finish them" said Kingsley and he began blasting the piles to smithereens.
"There's more outside" said Bill from the window.
"Right then we fortify, Bill block the windows, Mad Eye the doors, Lupin dear can you prepare a repelling charm?" said Tonks.
Mad Eye grinned.
"I'll do my best" Lupin grinned.
"Right lets go".
In seconds the burrow was a bunker. Furniture blocked most of the windows and charms turned wooden doors into impenetrable keeps. Lupin muttered under his breath and soon zombies which had been rattling at the window began to remember they'd left the stove on and those that didn't and wandered too close burst into flames.
The home was safe.
"That was too close" said Mad Eye.
"What happened?"
"Xepholipus" said Bill.
"Can't find him, I bet he turned off the protection charms to get the zombies closer"
"Is he?" asked Tonks
There was silence.
"Well whatever happened that was too close" said Kingsley
"Agreed, Harry" Lupin turned to the staircase, "Are you sure you want to stay?"
Harry stared at him, Harry loved the burrow, but his presence there was putting those he loved in danger, there was only one place where he and his friends would be safe to launch there camping trip.
He turned to Ron, Hermione and Ginny.
"Guys we gotta get back to Hogwarts".