I see him out of the corner of my eye. He's walking quickly so I try to keep my eyes on him for as long as I possibly can until he goes out of sight.
God, I want him. Just look at the way he moves. All tight trousers and...
"Earth to Ste" I snap back to reality with Doug smiling at me like he has just found out the best kept secret on the planet.
"What you smiling at?" I grumble as I head to the back of the Deli to busy myself.
"Could you be any more obvious?" Doug grins and nods his head to the side in the direction of my previous distraction. The distraction being one very tall, sexy Irishman. Shit, he looked really good. I shake my head and turn to Doug.
"Give over Doug. I weren't looking at him alright!"
"Oh of course not Ste. You were just checking out the wall" Doug starts laughing at his own stupid joke.
When he notices that I am not amused by his crappy little joke, he coughs and turns to me with sympathy in his eyes.
"Just tell him you want to be with him and stop torturing yourself".
"Oh just back off ok. I don't want him. I was just daydreaming about my date tonight with the hot new neighbour". I look at Doug to see if he can sense my lie. It seems that he doesn't and this is enough for me to push this conversation out of my mind.
Now what was I doing, oh yeah, thinking about him...
Cheryl is talking a mile a minute, but I can't even hear her anymore.
God, I still want him after all of this time. I mean, this is pathetic. We don't even speak much to each other anymore. Not since, well, since his marriage to Doug went sour.
I think he blames me for it not working out. Can't say I blame him really. I did like to interfere most of the time. But now, now I just want to make him happy.
Jesus, why is my sister looking at me like i'm a cute little kitten?
I straighten up in my chair and try to look all business like and not like a lovestruck teenager.
"What, sis?"
She smiles, looking intently at me. "Sorry Brendan, am I disrupting you from anything?"
"Just thinking about business and that" I reply bluntly but I can't seem to meet her gaze.
"Could you be any more obvious Bren?
I sigh and get up out of my chair. I need to get away from her. She's doing my head in. Did I just think that? She's doing my head in. That's Steven's saying. Oh fuck. I really need to get a grip. Steven is ruining my life and I ain't even in a relationship with him. Fuck this. I need fresh air.
"Why don't you try talking to Ste or maybe start a conversation with him and a little flirting?"
I turn looking at Chez like she's speaking another language.
"What the hell are you going on about sis?"
"Look Brendan, you want Ste. Get friendly with him and put yourself out there. You don't know what could happen if you don't try." She smiles at me slyly.
"I don't DO flirting Chez. What picture of me have you got in your head, eh?" I go to walk out but that bloody sister of mine won't let it rest.
"Well then, I guess you ain't up to the challenge then? Maybe Ste is right. You don't have a heart".
"Ouch sis" I sigh and slam the office door shut.
2 hours later and I am buzzing to go out with Dale. He is well fit. This is going to piss Brendan off so much.
I smooth down my hair and check myself out in the mirror one last time. Yeah, I look good. Eat your heart out Brendan. No, no. This is wrong. I really need to get him out of my head tonight. New beginning for me and all that. Brendan is in the past. We don't even speak much to each other anymore. Not since he ruined any chance of a relationship I had with Doug. Bastard!
There's a knock at the door and I open it, a smile plastered on my face.
"Ready to go Steven?" Dale asks. His eyes looking me up and down make me feel really awkward for some reason.
"Yeah lets go. The name's Ste by the way."
"Ste, gottcha".
We chat about nothing really on our way to the Dog. The weather, work, life in general. God I'm bored already. Shit, I need to get my head straigh. Dale is nice. Good looking, young, fit. This is going to be a good date. I really need it to be.
We walk into the Dog and it's quite busy. Dale tells me to get a seat while he gets the drinks in. I can't help but look around and see that he's not here. Didn't expect him to be really. But it would have been a nice sight to look at for a few hours. My mind wanders again. That body, that face. But to be honest, it's the man inside I still love with all my heart. Shit, did I just think that again? Concentrate on your date Ste, I remind myself.
"How do I look then Chez? Fit enough for a date in the Dog?" I smile at her playfully.
She scowls, looks me up and down "Who the hell do you have a date with?"
"Just some random guy that's moved into the village. Meeting him in the Dog. Paul John I think?" I scratch my head. Maybe this isn't such a good idea. I mean, I know for a fact Steven's going there tonight as he blabbed about his date to Mitzee and she slipped up earlier. Well I'm not going for him...obviously.
"Don't you mean John Paul not Paul John? Jesus Brendan, you don't even remember his name". Chez walks into the kitchen in a huff.
"You do look good though Bren. That red shirt and suit really compliments you".
I smile at her as I pick up my keys. "Thanks Sis."
I open the door to the Dog and the first person I lay my eyes on is Steven. Fuck me, he looks good enough to eat. My heart rate kicks up a notch and I feel my adrenaline pump through me. He makes me feel so alive. It must be my imagination, but I swear he just looked at me at went a bit pink in the cheeks. Yeah, my imagination.
"Thought you weren't gonna show up" I turn and Paul John, sorry John Paul is smiling at me sweetly.
"I'll get the drinks, you get us a seat Brendan".
I turn and notice there are seats available next to Steven and that little shit he's out with. This should be interesting I think to myself as I strut over and grab the nearest seat to him.
Oh no. Please no. Don't do this to me Brendan. I notice straight away he's wearing THE red shirt. I want to tear it off him with my teeth. Get a grip Ste, I repeat to myself over and over in my head. He's nothing special. I look up again and I swear he is looking at me like he wants to eat me. My imagination is running wild tonight. I feel my heart starting to pound in my chest and I have to turn my attention back to Dale because I am blushing. I feel hot all over.
Wait a minute. What the fuck is John Paul doing speaking to Brendan? Oh, so that's the little shit he's decided to bring out for a date. I am fuming. Who the hell does Brendan think he is? He can't do this to me. Oh god. He's walking over. Bastard, bastard. He's gonna sit right next to us. I know him so well. What a complete tosser. Fuck he looks so good though.
"So Ste, how long have you been single then?" Dale asks while downing his pint.
"Oh, for a while. Not much talent around here is there" I look back at Dale smiling brightly.
"Um, excuse me Steven. There's SOME talent around here if you look for it" Brendan grins wolfishly, turns his back on me and carries on his conversation with knob head.
"Who's he?" Dale glances over to Brendan.
"Some really OLD, LONELY, UNATTRACTIVE git" I practically shout back.
Dale looks at me like I've lost my mind.
Brendan turns slowly in his chair to face me, mid-conversation with John Paul.
"OLD, LONELY, UNATTRACTIVE? Steven, really?" He winks at me then and my eyes are somehow drawn to his lips.
"Yeah, that's what I said innit" I pout.
"Well, then. I wish I could say the same about you but you are young, not lonely as you're on a date and definitely not unattractive". Brendan's eyes glisten as he speaks to me.
"Whatever Brendan" I roll my eyes and turn away before I lunge at him and kiss him to death for saying all that. Is he flirting with me even though he's on a date? No, Brendan doesn't do flirting.
An hour passes and Dale seems less interested in our date than I am. Don't know why? Maybe it's because I'm a little distracted by the fact that the man I love is sitting right next to me but the fact his back is facing me is doing my head right in.
"So this isn't a date then?" I hear shithead say to Brendan in that god awful voice of his.
"Sorry mate. Don't want you getting the wrong idea. I think I'm taken". Brendan drawls out in that thick Irish accent I love so much.
"What do you mean you think you are taken?"
"Well, I'm in love with my ex. And truth be told, I'm pretty sure he's in love with me. And tonight, well, I'm hoping he's gonna take me back to his flat and show me how much he loves me" Brendan laughs through the final sentence he's just spoken.
My head is spinning. I have never in my life wanted Brendan so much than I do right now. I look up at Dale and it's like he gets it.
"I'm off Ste. It was nice meeting you".
"Nice meeting you too son" Brendan sits down opposite me. I can't move. Have you ever wanted anything so much that when you finally realise you can have it you seem to freeze? Well, that's happening to me right now.
I look up at him and he's smiling. Then his hand moves under the table and starts to stroke at my thigh. That's it. I'm done.
"Let's go home Brendan".
"And where's that then Steven?" he winks at me cheekily.
"Wherever we are together" I stutter and then we both start to laugh.
We don't even make it in through the front door before I'm grappling with his belt on his jeans.
"I've missed you Steven" I gasp as he rips open my red shirt and puts his hands on every available piece of skin on show.
I dive in for a kiss that I know will take his breath away.
"Missed you too Bren, you git" he laughs as he pulls away from my kiss to drag us into the bedroom.
Before I know it he's pinned me to the bed and started to slowly gyrate those lovely hips of his deliciously against me. I flip him over so he's on his back and I crawl on top of him. This is the part where I can't help myself.
"Did you like that guy Steven?" I can't bare the thought of it. It makes my stomach churn.
"Nah, only did it to make my man jealous didn't I?" He laughs and starts stroking up and down my back.
"Come on then Brendan, don't keep me waiting any longer" he whispers against my mouth.
I look down at him, Steven, my one and only true love and say the only thing that I think is fitting for us.
"No more waiting Steven. This is it now. Me and you. Forever".