"The origins of the Fire Lord can be traced back to the divine.
Now, from the beginning, the people of the Fire Nation were the smartest and most sophisticated in the world, and the smartest and wisest of these were the Seven Sages. But then there was no Fire Lord, and despite the closeness of the Seven Sages with the spirits there was still much chaos and ignorance in the world. No one knew how to do anything, and they wandered about like savages in search of food, like they still do today in the other kingdoms.
Then arose Huangdi, a mighty man. He was the smartest of the seven sages, and he became the First Fire Lord.
Even as a child, Huangdi's greatness and talents were apparent. One day, his parents arrived home to find their young toddler making markings in the dust.
"What could he be doing?" they asked themselves, not expecting a reply since the baby was only two months old. But Huangdi replied, "I am writing."
His parents were confused, for no one had heard of such a thing. "What is writing?" they asked.
"It is a way to record spoken word through symbols," Huangdi explained patiently, and read his parents the perfectly composed Tanka poem he had just composed. He then went on to calculate the velocity of a laden African swallow and began doing theoretical geometry.
His parents were extraordinarily impressed, and recognizing the greatness of their child sent him immediately to the Seven Sages. There, at the age of five, he invented agriculture and animal husbandry. When he was eight he invented metallurgy. When he was ten he invented architecture and masonry. When he was twelve he invented gravity and the laws of physics.
Everyone was so impressed by his wisdom that they begged him to become their lord. At first he refused, but they told him that without his superior wisdom and guidance they could not survive. So at the people's insistence, Huangdi was crowned the Fire Lord.
On the day of his coronation, everyone was full of happiness and rejoiced, and the world, recognizing that something great was happening, also rejoiced. That day, all the little animals of the field ran out of their holes and sang songs of joy, fish jumped straight into the boats of fisherman and in the sky an arc of multi-coloured light soared across the pure blue background.
This was the very first rainbow in all of history, and that is why when we see a rainbow, we think of the Fire Lord and feel grateful for his benevolent rule.
Everything became better when Huangdi became Fire Lord. He eliminated all illness and disease (because simply through looking at him, diseases were cured), he fixed global warming and solved the housing bubble. And so everybody immediately realized that this was the best way of government and the Fire Sages quickly ceded their all rights to him, and all the people submitted to his superior wisdom.
Now, Huangdi was an amazing Fire Lord not just because he was great at politics but because he was also a really awesome person. He was super strong and could wrestle bears using only his little finger. (He also invented wrestling) Once, Huangdi won a game of connect-four in just three moves. (Huangdi invented connect-four) Huangdi counted to infinity, twice. (Huangdi also invented infinity) Huangdi never called the wrong phone number. People just picked up the wrong phone. (Huangdi also invented telephones)
By coincidence, Huangdi was also stunningly good looking. His hair was long and luxurious and as black as the starry night sky. His body was bulging with muscles and his face was strong and chiseled. He was so good looking that when he went out for walks he had to wear a veil because otherwise people would faint because he was so handsome.
One day, the Great Dragon Spirit Agniterasu, the most powerful spirit of the heavens, and the daughter of Agni himself, looked down from the heavens and happened to glimpse Huangdi taking a bath. She immediately fell deeply love.
They soon got married and the Great Spirit became pregnant and bore a son, Suizei, who was half-human and half-divine.
Suizei was born in the heart of the fiercest hottest volcano in the Fire Nation. The volcano then erupted and he was carried on waves of fire until he reached the sight of the present capital of the Fire Nation. There he was found by a family of dragons who raised him as their own and taught him firebending. On the day of his birth the sky turned red, lightning hit every mountain in the world, ostrich-horses were born with five legs, and a cow jumped over the moon.
Suizei was even greater than his father, and founded the first city of the Fire Nation, and built the palace that the Fire Lords still live in to this day by himself.
Suizei's skin was as luminous as a pearl and his hair as long and smooth as a raging river. Once, when he was a child, Suizei was bitten by a poisonous rattle-snake. After three days of pain and agony, the rattle-snake died.
When Suizei was 12 he invented the wheel and the scientific method. When he was 15 he invented sliced bread. When he was 16 he invented the internet.
When his father died, he was crowned Fire Lord, and yet another period of peace and prosperity swept through the land. Everyone had jobs, widows and orphans were looked after, and adorable kittens frolicked through the streets.
Suizei he had a son, whose name was Ojin. When Ojin was born the sky turned a deep purple and all the animals from the deeps of the sea swam up to the surface and jumped into the air, and volcanoes erupted and there were hurricanes and earthquakes and the dish ran away with the spoon.
When Ojin was eight years old he discovered that the ratio between a circle's circumference and diameter is 3.14159265359…(etc) When Ojin was 12 he invented the short story and the novella. When Ojin was 16 he invented dihydrogen oxide. And so on and so forth.
Ojin was just as wonderful as his father was, and in time he begat a son named Sujin.
And Sujin begat a son named Seinei. And Seinei begat a son named Kenzo.
Kenzo did not have a son, but a daughter. Of course, the daughters of Emperors are far superior to ordinary women, even, dare I say, to an ordinary man, and so she succeeded her father's throne. Her name was Suiko, and she was as beautiful as a clear blue day. Her skin was pure white like the moon and her hair was long and smooth as a stream at night. She was chaste and innocent and everybody desired her hand in marriage. She ruled fairly and wisely and got married to a strong and powerful sage who was the best fire-bender in the land, and one of the strongest fighters in the world.
Suiko begat a son named Hanzei. Hanzei begat a son named Anko and Anko begat a son named Junnin and Junnin begat a son named… etcetera etcetera… Really, we don't need to read it all, it goes on for like, 20 pages…
Yes, and Konin invented the four seasons, blah blah blah… and at Heizei's birth the sky turned red with polka dots and a cat played the fiddle… etcetera etcetara
Then we get to Sozin…. With Sozin's birth a new era was ushered in, and it was amazing so on and so forth, whoop de doo.
The End."
Evidently, the teacher had grown bored, because he finished his lesson with that. He slammed shut the massive tome and glanced at the clock. His half-hour was almost up and he could go home and eat dinner with his family.
But his young student leaned forward eager to hear more.
"But what happens next?" he cried.
"Oh, we've covered that all before," the teacher said wearily, and began to recite the next part with air of something they have heard far too many times,"The great Sozin, in his almighty benevolence, led his nation to greatness. There was a long and happy period of peace, and the wisdom and technology of our nation increased in leaps and bounds. And Sozin gazed upon his mighty nation, and saw that it was good. But then he cast his all-seeing eyes upon the rest of the world, and saw the terrible vices and wretchedness contained therein. Air Nation babies cried on the streets, sick and alone with nobody to care for them. (The Air Nation have no family values at all, and orphan all their youth) Earth Kingdom woman wailed from hunger and pain, their food all stolen by their evil tribal warlords, who care nothing for the people and rule only through cruelty and violence. The Water Tribe roamed the ice and snow like savage beasts. All was darkness and strife! Together the other nations cried out as one for a deliverer! Together they cried out for a leader, a ruler who would lift them from this misery and save them from their pitiful lives! And Sozin, in his infinite mercy, heard their plea, and rushed to liberate them. And so it came to pass that the might and glory of the Fire Nation spread across the globe and the ways of wickedness and rottenness were vanquished."
The teacher gazed solemnly out the window for a moment, as was proper, to give everybody time to reflect on the glorious light and infinite mercy of that most august and amazing ruler who so kindly saved these poor suffering nations from wallowing in their own vice. Then to conclude he gave a firm nod of his head and prepared to go.
"And then?" asked the student, not wanting to let his teacher go before he heard what was, in his opinion, the best part.
"Then what?" the teacher asked impatiently.
"Well, tell me about my father!" cried the boy, equally impatient. It was like his teacher didn't even care sometimes.
"Yes, yes…." sighed the teacher, "and Sozin begat Azulon and Azulon begat Ozai, who by the grace of Agni is now our present Fire Lord, may he live forever. Yes, and our blessed Ozai from an early age displayed a remarkable ambition and aptitude for fire-bending, who in due time succeeded the throne. And he used these great talents for the good of the Fire Nation, which is becoming greater and stronger each day. And now nearly all the world has become free from the grips of depravity and is embracing the enlightened rule of your benevolent father."
"Hurrah!" exclaimed the boy happily, resting his head in his arms and leaning down on the table and smiling to himself. That was always his favourite part. He looked thoughtfully down at the table, then back up to his teacher.
"Do you think I'll be a good Fire Lord?" he asked eagerly, "What do you think they'll say about me, after I die?"
"They will surely say that you were a wonderful Fire Lord who led his country to greatness and prosperity," the teacher sighed.
The boy seemed pleased at his teacher's words.
"Do you really think so?!" he said happily, "I hope so. I'm going to do my best to rule everybody fairly, just like all my ancestors, and everybody will say I was the best Fire Lord ever!"
"Oh I'm sure you will... Anyway, I think that's enough for today," said the teacher, "Goodbye," and this time he managed to succeed in escaping from the room.
And so this unnamed teacher exited the scene, and at the same time exited the stream of recorded history, for we shall never hear of him again, nor, I believe, does any one particularly care about him anyway.
But his young pupil remained in the room for a moment, dreaming of the day when he too would be the Fire Lord and his name too would be written in the annals of history and taught about to young boys in turn during their own history classes.
And he imagined all the great things they would say about him, and all the great things that he would do. He would conquer the world, he would rule justly and fairly, always keeping in mind what was best for his people. And they would all love him and say that he was the most wonderful Fire Lord they had ever had. These thoughts and many more played through his young head, becoming more and more exaggerated and fantastical in his youthful imagination. He dreamed of honour and glory, and an extraordinary destiny that seemed to him to be self-evident and obvious.
But destiny is a funny thing.
And as for whether or not he ever achieved these goals; I will let you, dear readers, decide.
THE END.