I don't own Harry Potter, J.K Rowling does (but I'd LIKE to own Harry (devilish grin) . I DO however own these corny and partially--REALLY perverted jokes. They're rated T (as you can see) (ooh that rhymed)

Note two: .If you're wondering, I didn't steal these from another writer, I decided to switch accounts again (ok actually I just forgot my password). If you have any questions on whether this is really mine, please leave a comment saying so and I will be happy to prove to you that I am the original writer :-D

Note THREE: The lines that have a "#" next to them are ones I found on the internet, on TV, or from books. Some are revised to fit this fanfiction though. The sources are listen in chapter 3

Now onto the idiotic phrases!

Things Harry Potter would NEVER say:

FLY? If I was meant to sit on a stick of wood, I wouldn't be born with balls!

# Look, I know I'm hot, but pleaseat leastTRY to contain yourself!

Draco Malfoy, will you marry me?

I have a FLY on my head! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!

Bouncing ferrets are so...handsome!

Sorry Cho I'm getting it on with Hermione now, could you wait a bit?

Sirius is like SO guilty! You know you are, give it up!

I bet you all the galleons in my vault that Dumbledore's a death eater in disguise!

# I feel pretty! Oh so pretty! And witty and bright!

I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!

# I'm a Barbie girl! In a Barbie wooooooooooorld! It's fantastic, being made of plastic! You can do my hair, undress me anywhere!

# I'll only do it for a Scooby-snack!

Fred and George would make a cute couple!

Do you think if I frown enough, I'll look like Malfoy's mom?

# Snapi-o, Oh Snapi-o! Wherefore art thou Snapi-o?

Voldemort will have to wait, I'm using the bathroom!

When I'm in Umbridge's detention I secretly send love letters to Malfoy

Dementors are nothing! Why I once got caught by Snape, now THAT was scary...

# If you're going to die by evil minions of darkness, clap your hands! If you're going to die by evil minions of darkness clap your hands!

Why aren't I in Raven claw! Am I too stupid?

GO SLYTHERIN!

Do you think I'd look good with an Afro?

I'M TOO SEXY FOR MY ROBES!

So, this basilisk...it's safe right?

Look I can make farting noises! Oops that was real...

My Uncle Vernon, you're looking more mean and ugly than usual. (Must be the new aftershave)

I'll give you two Yugi action figures for a Kaiba poster!

When you tinkle if you sprinkle...don't hit moaning myrtle because she'll REALLY get pissed!

I always imagined you'd be sexier, Lupin!

James Potter...sounds familiar...

Scratch my balls and I'll scratch yours!

Dudley's just big boned!

Oooh lookie da pwetty bludger! (bam)

(Wearing green and white with serpent on head) Weasley is our King!

I am NOT wearing thong underwear! (oooh got a wedgie)

I'd so date you if you were a guy, Hermione

I shaved my armpits with that side of the wand you know...

# WARNING! I'm not wearing clean underwear!

# I like big butts and I cannot lie!

# Remus has monthly problems? What does THAT remind you of?

# McDonalds...I'm lovin' it!