Wasurenaide
Sometimes the worst parts are when you forget, when you forget that you are a monster.
The Christmas lights light up the streets and you find yourself entranced with the color spectrum shining up around you. Laughter from your friend next to you brings your attention back and you find yourself laughing also. It is so peaceful, night is falling and you've just left the cute comfy cafe. A shopping bag in one hand, and you're waving the other around as you tell the story of the crazy classmate. You're immersed, you're alive, and you've completely forgotten.
The thing that brings you back, brings you back with a snap. It is painful and your smile losses strength. The smell is faint but there is no way you could ever mistaken it. It is warm and aromatic, the scent of newly spilled blood. A human is being eaten somewhere close by, your stomach growls in appreciation. It is sickening and you wish your friend wouldn't laugh so.
"There is a ramen shop near by, wanna grab some dinner, Touka?" It is horrifying and embarrassing how much you wish you could say yes. To have a nice dinner for once and be able to enjoy yourself with your best friend. Your human friend. As if you have to distinguish each other.
Monster.
The word floats at the forefront of your mind, you can foretell the look on her face if she ever finds out what you are. The fear of rejection that lays like a sour rotten taste in the back of your throat. You almost wanna shout out the truth just to get it over with, cause the holding back is almost as painful.
Please don't leave me.
I'm not a monster. But that is not true. What you truly want to say is, I don't want to be a monster. If you could you might just shout it out for the world to hear, then what? How fast until the Doves kill you. Minutes, hours, at most a day. You shudder.
"No, I've got some left over food at home. Maybe some other time, it's getting late and it's a school night. We should get home and get some rest."
"Your such a diligent student. Is it for your boyfriend? Is he coming over?" She giggles and slaps you lightly on the arm, playful and unaware. You stumble slightly just to have something to do, while your mind reminds you once again that you are a monster.
Playing with your food?
A sinister voice of your deep down seems to rumble out amused at you. The smell hasn't gone away and it is so appealing. When was the last time you had warm flesh in your mouth. The metallic tang of warm blood filling your mouth and sating your thirst. A chunk of meat for your hunger.
Waving goodbye was a relief, allowing you to draw in and disappear in the Tokyo crowd. The smell is finally gone, but now you're fascinating yourself on the smell of the humans around you. You're playing with the thought of killing one of them right here in the open. Oh, the panic. It brings your smile back. You're so tired of pretending, pretending to be human. As if your life was truly real but you're just a monster, no one would miss you if you got killed. Your hunting ground would open up and some other ghoul would take it. Life moved on.
What would her best friend think? Would she think she had played her all this time just to make it easier to kill her? That was sinister. You don't think you have it in you to do something like that, but the humans have such weird believes. They hate ghouls. Fear us. We're the monsters.
Your back to your depressing thoughts by time you get back to Anteiku and not even Ken's smile does anything for you.
Falling on your bed, you think about how fun you had today. Wondering how long you can continue living like this. Going to school and out to cafes with your friend. Would she leave you if she knew the truth? Would she hate you if she knew the truth? It was a never ending loop of worrying. But you couldn't help yourself, it was terrifying to think that you would be killed any day and there would be no one to miss you. No one to care. Was your friendship just as false as you are. A face in the crowd that would soon be forgotten.
But this was your best friend, she wouldn't forget you. Right? You hate how desperate you are for someone to remember you as something other than a monster. For someone to remember you as yourself.