you know what they say about falling in love?

the feeling of butterflies fluttering around your stomach,

getting lost in someone's gaze,

feeling sparks?

i have never felt those things

not yet

Beca figured that it was going to blow up with Jesse sooner or later. Granted, they were together for four years. Four years which started out to be a fun ride; but ultimately dwindled down into a long dragging walk on a rocky pavement. It wasn't that they didn't work. They did, and despite the fact that Beca was never one to be cheesy in a relationship, she would even say that they were great.

After the whole drama of pushing Jesse away, Beca thought it was a logical step to give it a try. So right after winning Nationals, while her fellow Bellas celebrated on stage, she made her way to where he was standing, a wide grin spread across his face. It was very predictable, like the movies Jesse insisted on making her watch. The guy gets the girl, she remembered saying once. That same line kept playing in her head as she kissed him. But at that time, she didn't really mind.

Jesse was sweet. Sometimes frustratingly so. Most days, he'd chase her after class, catching her hand as she walked across the hallway and out of the building. Again, she did not mind. It was safe to say she liked it. She never said it out loud, though. It also helped that they were part of a dorky university who considered acapella captains as jocks. So as they walked everyday with their hands intertwined, she smiled, thinking she could get used to it.

He was the first to say 'I love you'. The words were out her mouth before she could even think about it. She felt something for him, there was no doubt about it. What she wasn't sure of was if she could quantify it as love. It was more than like, for sure. So for lack of better terms, she decided to call it that. That decision gave her the confidence to say it freely; and once again, it didn't bother her.

That's how she knew it was not going to work out. Something changed. A lot of things changed. He still walked her to her dorm after class or Bella rehearsals. But they stopped holding hands. They still had free time together, but they stopped asking each other about their days. 'I love yous' were still exchanged; sometimes a little too freely. It rolled off their tongues easily, like how one would say their own name. Beca. Too forward, too direct; as if they're just words. Jesse. That's when she knew. That's when she realised that they built themselves a perfect facade. What she once thought as love, for lack of better words, turned into something else. It morphed itself into a habit. A routine that they followed because it had been four years. And for the first time in their relationship, she minded.

It took one phone call to break the habit. It was a few weeks after the Worlds. Jesse had already moved to LA to score movies and Beca stayed behind as Residual Heat offered her a permanent job. Sometimes they went days without speaking with each other; but when they did talk, when they did make time, it felt like they had nothing to talk about. So when Jesse quietly said 'we need to talk', she knew.

"Beca, this isn't working out…"

"I know." She responded too quickly, as if she was just waiting for it. She was, but somehow she didn't feel bad about it. Jesse's bitter laugh at the other end of the line, proved that maybe she should.

"Wow, just like that?"

"I don't know what you want me to say, Jesse" Her fingers rummaged through her bag as she searched for her apartment keys.

"Are you really not going to fight me on this? It seems to me that this isn't even remotely hard for you!"

But it was. She realised it as soon as a drop of tear made its way down her cheek. Maybe that's how it feels when you suddenly break a habit, she thought. It doesn't seem bad at first and you think it won't even be a problem. Then all of a sudden it weighs down on you. So when she heard her voice break, she knew it wasn't going to be easy. She found herself slumping down on the front steps of the apartment, her knees close to her chest, and her keys still lost in her bag.

"I just… I don't know… It just felt like we… like we both…"

"Fell out of love?" his voice was gentler, as if the realisation wasn't just for Beca, but for him as well.

"…if you could even call it that."

It was silent for a long beat, and both of them knew then, that it was over.

"Goodbye, Beca."

"Bye Jesse." And the line was dead.

The sound of the apartment door opening made Beca look behind her. Chloe looked at her with a wide grin which was immediately replaced by a confused look. As soon as Chloe saw Beca's tears, she sat down and quietly hugged the smaller girl. When Beca felt the redhead's arms around her, she sobbed.

"It's over."

What she had with Jesse might not have been love, but it still hurt Beca to lose it.

And since the older girl had silently spent four years of loving the angsty DJ in the background, she assumed that if (or when) 'Jesseca' breaks up, she would be somewhat happy. But holding a sobbing Beca in her arms made her realize that it made her heart hurt to watch the younger girl broken.

Because Chloe knew love. And she knew that it hurts if you lose it… or not have it all.