A/N: This first installment is Meth and is very dark. All warnings apply.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Walking Dead or it's characters.

Lookin' Back Now

Looking back now, I probably should've let him run...

I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the iron bars, gripping them despite their coldness and waitin' for the moment they opened and I'd be lead away in chains.

The door slid open, I stepped out and followed the guards down the corridor.

"Miss Greene, can you please tell us exactly what happened that night?"

"Objection!" Carol Peletier, my attorney, shouted.

"On what grounds?" The judge asked.

"Ms. Greene has already given us a statement recalling the events of that night."

"Alright," the judge raised his hand. "Ms. Harrison, please rephrase the question."

Andrea Harrison, the state's defense attorney, turned back to me. "Ms. Greene, do you recall what you were doing when Mr. Dixon arrived at the home the two of you shared?"

I looked down at my hands in my lap and then back up at all the people starin' at me.

"Merle had smelled like gin with a hint of someone's cheap perfume. I was kicked back in his easy chair holding a fifth, tappin' the barrel of a fresh clean steel blue polished up .38. He swaggered by, smiled and said, "the boys said to tell you 'hey'."

I paused and shook my head.

"... Up 'til then I wasn't sure. I was kinda hopin' he'd at least look scared when he saw the gun but all he said was "Okay, she was good, and you don't dare." But lookin' back now I probably should've let him run. But paybacks are hell where I come from. Any fool should know you don't look a woman in the eye and smile when she knows what you've done."

"We the jury find Elizabeth Emily Greene guilty of murder in the first degree."

"Are you ready my child?" Father Gabriel asked.

I nodded and sat down in the pew next to the priest.

"Father forgive me for I have sinned. I wish I could take back what I've done," I murmured.

"The good Lord forgives all of his children no matter their sins."

I scoffed. "He'd never forgive me."

"You may feel that way now but maybe if you talk things through you'll feel differently. Would you like to tell me how you've sinned? Anything you say will be between us and God."

I looked him in the eyes as my latest transgression played over in my head…

"The sun shines grey in this prison yard. Life to go was goin' hard when the warden started gettin' sweet on me. He drug me up to his room one night, poured me some 'skey, gave me a light. He pulled me close, nearly ripping my shirt but givin' up, he pushed me down. I smoked slow and waited 'til he was done. And just when I thought that was that he got rough and I fought back so I grabbed his pistol and he just laughed and said, "Girl you ain't got the guts."

Now they're strapping me down and I'm scared to die. I ain't the kind of girl to cry but I find myself begging God for mercy. My hands are cold as I start to slip, the sodium thiopental drips. The room goes black and I wonder if He heard me.

Looking back now I probably should've let 'em run. I bet paybacks are hell where I'm goin'. But any fool should know you don't look a woman in the eye and smile when she knows what you've done.
And she's holdin' whiskey and a gun.

This fic was inspired by "Lookin' Back Now" by Maggie Rose.