Confessions

Yep, I've written another one. Heh... If this even gets off the ground and I don't completely leave it like almost every other fic I've ever written. In this story, it's the characters confessing to the things they have done, things they consider... not so good, or even wrong. First up: Zuko.

I confess:

I cried when I thought I would lose Uncle.

After Azula hit him with the lightning, I cried because I thought I was going to lose the one man who really cared about me, who thought I was a good person no matter what everyone else said. All I could think of was what I never said to him, that I should have said. And then, when he did get better, I didn't say anything. Didn't tell him how I used to be so jealous of Lu Ten, with a father who loved instead of tolerating him. Never told him how whenever I tried at something, it was him I was trying to please, not Father. I tried, and I couldn't. I was too scared. I was afraid he'd laugh.

I know, it's stupid, Uncle never laughed at me. But I still couldn't do it.

I have contemplated trying to kill my sister.

I've done it many times. I've considered hiring someone to do it. The only things that stopped me were that I knew I couldn't afford to the price of an assassin good enough to beat Azula, and I got the feeling Uncle wouldn't approve.

I hate my father sometimes.

I know that it's wrong, and you aren't supposed to hate anyone, but I can't help it sometimes. I've hated him when he ignores me and showers Azula with praise (almost always); I hated him when I realized it was his fault Mom left. Once, while Azula and I were spending time with Father (well, she was, I was just sort of there), Father began to make fun of Uncle, and Azula chimed in. He was saying how Uncle was a weak, fat, stupid old man, too stupid to do anything.

It took every ounce of willpower I had to keep from attacking him. I could have killed him, and Azula. Later, I forgave him. I can't remember how I explained that one away, but I know it took a while.

I felt guilty about taking the water bender's necklace.

I've had it drilled into me for as long as I can remember that the enemy is less than human, that they aren't worth the time it takes to feel sorry for them. But the look on her face when she realized I wasn't planning on giving it up unless she betrayed her friends... I spent a lot of sleepless nights over that one. I started to wonder what I was becoming. I was almost glad when the avatar took it from me. It fitted both of our purposes: she got the necklace, the avatar's friend was happy, and I didn't look weak by handing it over willingly. I had my hide tanned that day, but somehow, it didn't hurt as much as I thought it did.

I stole from those people.

I only went after the rich ones, I only took from those that could afford to lose it, but I still feel guilty about it. I tried to explain away the guilt, something that usually works, but it didn't work this time. I still worry about it. Its one of those things that makes me wonder, afterwards, what exactly I'm becoming. It makes me wonder what I'll do next: kill anyone who tries to stop me; hurt people because I'm bored, start taking pleasure in other people's pain... It scares me, a little bit. I start to wonder if I'm turning into Azula. I really, really hope not.

It feels unfinished to me... what do you think? Let me know. Next on the list: Katara.