Summary – Edward refuses to consummate their marriage. He asks her to choose another Cullen to give her that human experience. Plans are set. An unexpected visitor unravels everything. (*Warning: descriptive rape/abuse (not by Edward) in later chapters)

Time frame – Two weeks after the wedding. They live in the Cullen household, in Edward's room. No Renesmee. All vampires, except Bella, who's still human (of course).

Rating – M for adult themes and controversial topics

Notes – italics signal a person's direct thoughts; written in Bella's POV for most of it, one part is Carlisle's POV. First Fanfic – be nice.

***Disclaimer – Stephanie Meyer owns everything Twilight. I'm just letting the characters live in my mind for a while.***

Chapter 1

Wednesday

How is it possible that I'm in this situation? My face is burning with embarrassment. My knees are shaking beneath me, threatening to collapse at any moment. Six sets of golden eyes burned into mine as they eagerly awaited my decision. I needed to choose.

I looked at each man separately and weighed the pros and cons of each in my mind. Each one was different. Why was I even considering this?

I glanced over at the fourth man in the room. My love. My Edward. The expression on his face looked pained and hurt.

"Edward, can I talk to you in the kitchen for a moment?" His eyes betrayed him as he tried to smile at me as he nodded. I led the way. Calmly, I walked to the counter, placed my palms down on the smooth surface, and took a deep breath. Then I spun around to face him.

I don't know what I expected to see, but I was surprised when I turned around to see him sitting at the counter with his face cradled in his hands. He slowly raised his head and his soft, golden eyes bored into mine.

"I'm sorry."

"And just what, exactly, are you sorry for? Hmm?" I spat out the question, dripping with anger and probably a lot louder than necessary.

He winced at my sudden outburst.

"I…" but the look on my face told him that I wasn't finished yet.

"How could you! Did you seriously think I'd go through with this? What if I said no? Would you tell them to force me?" I was mad and didn't care that I was being overly dramatic at the moment.

"NO! You KNOW I would NEVER do that!" he interjected, sternly. I held my hand up, "I'm not done! Let me finish…please." I ended quietly as I realized that the vampiric hearing in this household was most likely eavesdropping.

I stopped and took a breath, steadying my nerves. He waited for me to continue with frustration in his eyes.

"What were you thinking?" I pleaded.

"Bella, I love you. You know that. Right?"

"I thought you did." He frowned at me.

"I was only thinking of you. I know how important having this human experience is to you before…" He couldn't even say it. I knew he was just trying to delay the inevitable.

"Please…why can't I have you? You are the only one I want. I don't want them that way. I can't even believe you're suggesting this! I want YOU to be my first. What made you even think to suggest this as a solution?" I was pacing back and forth in the kitchen. Furious. I stopped my onslaught of questions to give him a chance to digest my anger and confusion.

He looked at me, pleading. He looked so sad. Suddenly a pain went through my heart and I realized that he wouldn't even ask this of me if there was another way.

He didn't move other than to brush his hands back through his messy, bronze, beautiful hair. His eyes turned to me once again and begged to be allowed to answer. I stopped pacing and remained leaning against the edge of the counter. I raised my eyebrows questioningly and gestured with my hand for him to speak, my other arm wrapped across my abdomen as if to hold myself together. I waited.

He took a deep breath and started to explain.

"Bella, listen. There is nothing in this world that I want more than I want you." I scoffed as I folded my arms tightly across my midsection and looked away.

"Please. Listen."

I relaxed just a bit to show him I was listening. I may not agree, but I was listening. He stayed where he was, standing on the other side of the counter. I assume he knew I was in no mood to touch him. I was fuming. I didn't even want to look at him. This man, my husband, was so terrified to make love to me that he went to his brothers and father to request that one of them bed me! All I had to do was pick one!

He started again…

"I want you. I love you. You are the reason I exist. I have seen a lot of things and met countless people in my century of life. I have had plenty of opportunities to take a woman to bed, but I didn't. It wasn't right. I didn't feel like I do now, with you. What I feel for you is so strong that every moment fills me with terror at the thought that it might be taken away. I can't handle the idea of not being with you. I left you once. That was the biggest mistake in my entire existence. A mistake that I vow I will not make again. Your very being gives me hope again. I want to live. I want to make you happy. Right now, the one thing that you want…I can't give you."

"Why? I just don't understand why you won't try." Tears were trickling down my cheeks as I desperately tried to understand.

"It takes every ounce of strength I have to repress my urge to pounce on you and drink you dry. Your blood sings to me stronger than anyone I've ever met. I love you more than anyone or anything and I can't guarantee that in the heat of passion, I'll be able to control my primal hunger." He searched my eyes for any hint that I understood.

-Flashback-Monday

Since we were married, just over two weeks ago, I've been trying to consummate our marriage countless times and in countless ways. He always found an excuse to wait. I was getting frustrated. Two days ago was the last time I tried to push him further. As we lay tangled in each other's arms, I lazily traced his belt line with my little finger while the rest of my hand lay still on his abs of concrete. I had my head on his chest and I could see exactly what I was doing to him. Normally, I'm a reserved person and blush at the thought of doing more than kissing, but his man makes me feel invincible. Too bad he doesn't see me that way. I heard him take a quick breath and then he held it. I know he doesn't need to breath and only does it to appear normal or to speak. However, this time, I knew he stopped breathing in anticipation to what I was doing to him. I had front row seats to the main attraction just inches below my hand. I saw his pants shift as his manhood began to stretch their limit. I decided to be brave and with my next backwards pass with my smallest digit, I stretched it outwards a bit to slide it smoothly under the button of his pants.

Almost immediately he growled a very low, strangled sound and flew out of bed and stood by the door that led to the bathroom. He was so quick that my brain didn't comprehend that he had moved until my head hit the pillow he had been sitting against. Hurt and rejected, I lifted my eyes to question his.

"Bella, you know I can't."

"Why not?"

"I just can't. I won't hurt you. Do you have any idea what you do to me?" He looked down at himself so quickly that, had I not been paying attention, I wouldn't have noticed. "Believe me, honey, I really do want to, but I fear that you won't survive. I want you so much I'm not sure I can control the monster."

"So how, exactly, do you plan to keep your end of our bargain? Hmm? You promised I would have that one human experience before you change me. We've been married for two weeks. You were supposed to change me after our wedding night. I will not die a virgin, Edward!"

"Give me a couple of days to think. I'll come up with something."

"Two days?" I wanted a date.

"Two days. On Wednesday, I'll have a plan."

"Fine. Can we go back to bed now? I promise I won't try anything."

We crawled into bed and I fell asleep to his steady breathing and my lullaby.

-End Flashback-

Two days later, I woke up excited and happy. Within hours, I wasn't excited or happy. I was fighting with my gorgeous god in the kitchen of what was supposed to be my paradise. My head bowed in defeat. Maybe this is the only way? I know if I am changed before having the experience, I may regret it for the rest of my life…eternity.

"Edward?" I questioned softly, "Hold me for a minute."

Before I could blink, he was at my side and had me wrapped in his steel arms.

"Are you sure you want me to do this? You're sure there is no other way?" I turned my eyes upward to search for any hint of hesitation in his beautiful golden eyes. He pulled me tighter and sighed.

"Please, Love. Do this for me." I sighed at the request. My husband is asking me to give my virginity to another man.

There was a knock on the door frame that was so light that I barely heard it, but I still jumped in surprise. It was Emmett. He cleared his throat with a deep sound and gave me an apologetic look.

He turned to Edward and started, "Uhh…look, bro…as much as I'm flattered with being an option, I think I'm going to back out of the running." My confused expression must have been what prompted him to go on. "Bella, I love you. You know that, but…"

"But?" I questioned as I realized I was slightly hurt by the rejection. Great. Another Cullen male rejecting me. Emmett stammered for a few seconds.

"Um…I…" he tried as he looked at Edward.

"Dude! Spit it out! She needs to hear it. She can't read your mind." Edward encouraged.

"Emmett, please tell me what's wrong? Did I do something wrong?" I hadn't ever seen Emmett so flustered before.

"No!" Then he softened his tone, "No. You did nothing wrong. I just tried to imagine…you know…with you…and I couldn't. You're too much like a sister. You are my sister. I can't." He turned to Edward, "Sorry bro." He turned quickly and ran outside, probably to find Rose.

Edward reclaimed my body in his embrace and chuckled a little.

"What's so funny?"

"Emmett. He really did try to imagine you and him together. He couldn't. His mind kept jumping to playing video games."

I had to laugh a little at that. It would have been very awkward with Emmett anyway.

"So, that leaves Carlisle and Jasper. Would you like help deciding?"

I nodded against his chest. Then he asked, "Will you excuse me for a minute?"

"Okay…" I hesitated.

He moved at vampire speed back into the living room, spoke for a few seconds, and was back by my side in the next moment.

"Carlisle and Jasper are going to go on with their day while you decide. This is your decision, Bella. If you wish to say no, then I guess I could find you a willing human. The only thing I beg of you is that you don't ask for the mutt. I don't think I could handle that." He cringed as he said 'mutt'.

Jacob.

No. Jacob isn't an option. It would just complicate things more. He's already fuming because I married Edward. No. Definitely not.

"No. If you're sure you can't…" I trailed off.

"I'm so sorry, my love. I don't trust myself." He hung his head in defeat.

"Ok." I finally agreed. I peeked up at his soft eyes and was sure he'd have cried with sorrow if he was able. Instead, he straightened his shoulders, took my hand, and led me to the big tree on the edge of the woods where we usually sit to talk in peace without any listening ears around. He slung me onto his back and climbed up several branch levels. Carefully, he set me down on a wide, sturdy branch and made himself comfortable right behind me, leaning on the trunk of the tree. I leaned back against him and we both stared back at the house.

"So, it's either Carlisle or Jasper, then." I started. He nodded and gave me a squeeze. "Well, what do you think?" I was at a loss for how to begin.

He paused for a moment. I turned my head to look into his eyes. He looked so defeated. I turned back to face the house. After what seemed forever, he took a deep breath and said a name: Carlisle.

I quickly drew in a breath. I didn't realize I was holding my breath. "Why Carlisle?"

He seems the most logical choice. He has more restraint than Jasper when it comes to human blood. Jasper may lose it."

"Agreed." I confirmed his reasoning with that one quiet word.

"Would you like me to tell Carlisle?"

"No. If I'm going to give myself to him, I should at least be able to tell him. I'm not sure what to say to Jasper though." I still couldn't believe I was agreeing to this. However, it's what my husband wants. I said my vows and will honor him. As weird as it was, I would do this.

"I'll tell him. He won't be upset. He was actually very nervous that you'd pick him. This will be a relief."

"Then…why would he give himself as an option?"

"He does love you, you know. He wanted to help. I think he's tired of the pent up sexual frustrations you and I have all the time." He traced small circles on the back of my hand that I had resting on my raised right knee. I blushed at the thought of Jasper knowing how I felt about my sex life…my nonexistent one…until…

"Edward?" I hesitated…

"Yes, love? What is it?" He hugged me tighter.

"When?"

"Whenever you say so."

I thought for a few minutes while a plan formed in my head. Slowly, mostly so I wouldn't fall, I turned to face my husband. God he's gorgeous!

"I have an idea."

"I'm listening…" he stated as he quirked one eyebrow at me and leaned forward to listen intently.

"Assuming I go along with our plan, to have Carlisle…you know…then I want to be changed as soon as possible afterwards. This is the last human experience I want. After it's over, I'll be ready. I searched his beautiful face for any sign of hope. He looked down at my hands and contemplated. If he agrees then that means he'll change me. No more putting it off. No more waiting. I can be free to be with my husband without fear for my safety.

He didn't speak for several minutes. At one point, I wondered if he even heard me.

"Edward?" I bent my head to see his eyes again. Slowly, he raised his head and gave me a single kiss. It was sweet and tender. Almost as if he was afraid to get me worked up again. Damn hormones. When he pulled back, he whispered, "And then always?"

"Always." I confirmed.

"Ok. Let's go tell Carlisle." He carried me down from the tree and we made our way back to the house.

What do you think? This is my first FanFic ever. I have 5 more chapters written...care to see them? Let me know!

Oh! Being this is my first time here, I'm not sure how the Beta thing works. Anyone interested? I could use a critical eye!