Morgan sat down on his couch with his feet on the coffee table. He was staring forward not looking at anything to anyone who didn't know him it looked like he was watching the news. Next to Morgan was a half empty bottle of some expensive wine.
Normally he would have loved coming home after a case and have beer and watch TV. But it hadn't been the same feeling since she was gone. Today he picked wine because it reminded him of her just a little bit. Lately he will do anything to that made him remember her just a little bit. So he could hold onto her just a little while longer. After he finished the bottle of wine he thought of getting up and getting another. He decided against it because he knew that tomorrow he would have to go into work and act like he was fine.
Instead of getting up and going to bed he stayed on the couch, he still has not slept in the bed since she left and got killed. He has tried to sleep in there more than once, but there were too many memories of them in that bed. He moved the bottle to the coffee table and laid out fully grabbing the blanket that was thrown across the back. From where his head was laying he had a perfect view of all the pictures of them hanging on the wall.
The one that made him the saddest was a picture of them on Christmas morning at his mom house. They had been dating for awhile and had time off so he decided that he wanted his family to meet the love of his life. In the picture he was sitting on the floor back up to the couch and Emily was sitting between his legs opening a present. She was in one of his old high school football shirts and a pair of sweats and he hair was a little messy but still cute. She had a smile that covered her face. The one thing that stood out more than anything else was the shinny ring on her finger. He decided that day watching her laugh and joke with his family that she was the one he wanted to live the rest of his life with.
Looking at the picture he forgot about the present and just thought about how happy they were together. He thought about how they would sneak into each other's room on a case and just snuggle, or how they had hid their relationship from the team for most the time she was on the team. He thought about how nervous he was asking out for the first time or the way she only acted when she was around him.
Those memories made him smile until he realized that he would never see her again and they would never be able to have the wedding they had talked about. They would never be able to have little ones running around laughing and playing. He knew he could have those things if he wanted but without her it wouldn't feel right. He knew that he was never going to find someone he loved as much as Emily.
He was so mad at her for walking away from the team and him and not asking for help, he got that she didn't want to hurt the team. But they had been together so long and she knew everything about him even things Garcia didn't know, yet he didn't know a thing about her past. With out thinking he grabbed the pillow from behind his head and threw it at the wall of pictures. The pillow had hit the Christmas picture making it fall and smash against the floor.
He got up and kneeled by the broken picture he grabbed the frame, which now had no glass left in it, and held it to his chest. Morgan was not the type of person to cry in front of people or at all, instead he usually takes his emotions out with anger. In his life from an early age he had to be the 'strong one' in his family, and the BAU. To him being strong meant that he didn't break down and show emotions and he never cried.
He lifted is hand and wiped away the stray tears that had feel down his face. But every time he wiped one away another one was there within seconds. He just gave up wiping them away and let them fall freely down his face. He looked down at the picture in his hands and the tears speed up. A couple of them hit the picture.
After sitting there for a while Morgan got up and placed the picture on the coffee table and grabbed his keys. He grabbed his coat and his motorcycle helmet and headed for the door. His brain knew this was a bad idea; he was drunk and should just go to bed. But he ignored his head and jumped on his bike. He drove around the city for a while not really going any certain places.
He didn't even realize where he was until he pulled up into an empty cemetery parking lot. He turned off his bike and placed his helmet on the seat. Walking threw a cemetery at night had always seemed like some stupid thing that people in horror movies did, but he did it anyways. He didn't have to look to fine where her gravestone was he knew the place and propbly could get there blindfolded.
Her gravestone also was easy to spot because of all the flowers and decorations that Garcia had put there. "Hey Princess I guess I forgot to bring you something but I guess you don't need anything else." He let out a small laugh. "Damn why did you have to leave me Emily I loved you I would have done anything to help you, I just wished you believed that. You know want to know something Emily? It hurts that you were the one person I trusted the most ever and you left me. How am I supposed to trust again?" by this time tears were streaming down Morgan's face faster than he could wipe them away.
"Emily why didn't you just ask for help instead of writing this note you could have told me." Morgan pulled out a folded piece of paper that he always keeps in his jacket. "I read this note everyday and I still can't understand why you left and didn't tell me. I get you leaving to protect the team but Emily I didn't need protecting. I'm a grown man I could have decided what was best for me." He looked at the pieces of paper that he pulled out and wanted to rip it up, but he could never do that it meant too much to him. "Damn I look crazy out here talking to a gravestone at 2 in the morning," he laughed through his tears. "You always did make me crazy Princess when you were alive and even when you're dead… I love you Emily and I miss you." He kneeled down and pressed his lips up against the gravestone.
He walked back to his motorcycle and was about to get on it when he pulled out the letter from Emily. He had read it over thousands of times but what's one more time?
Dear Derek,
I know if you're reading this then I went after Doyle. I know you're hurt, mad and confused, but I have to go and stop him. It was my problem that happened way before I meet you and I need to fix it by myself. I'm so sorry Derek you have to know that I'm only doing this for you and the team. I don't know what I would do if he killed you I couldn't live with myself knowing that could happen. So I left to fine him first and kill him it's the only way this will end. You will find out what I did when I was with Doyle and believe me I didn't want to do it. But we all do things that were not proud of, and you will be mad about it and I'm sorry. I wish I could just erase that part of my live but this isn't some romantic movie and sometimes love doesn't win out in the end. God I'm so sorry Derek I can't say that enough and one day I hope you believe me.
This is not how I wanted everything to work out, but I guess life works in mysteries ways. I never saw myself falling in love with you but it was the best surprise in my life. I know that you trusted me more than anybody and this will hurt you more than the rest of the team. But I need you to be strong for them ok it's a lot to ask of you but they will need it. I can't even begin to think how this will affect Spencer or Garcia, but I know they will need you to be there. Please just be there for them if not for me then for them. I love you so much Derek and I'm so sorry for all of this.
I know I have said I'm sorry multiple times I just hope you believe it. Derek Morgan I love you more than you will ever know and I'm so sorry.
All the other times he read this it made him mad in the end but this time he felt different. Maybe its time for him to forgive her completely and not to be mad at her anymore. He sighed and folded up the paper putting back into his pocket. He got back on his motorcycle and drove home, and he finally got home he sleep in their bed for the first time since she left.