A/N. Hey, guys! I have finally finished this fic, I was so eager to post before the premiere. As always, hope you will like it.
Just sit and wait.
That is all she can do at the moment.
Stay calm, sit at her desk and wait. Nothing but.
And although she has done everything that was in her power - may be even more, she won't deny that waiting is her least favorite part.
Especially now.
She is starting to feel anxious and a little guilty for her lack of action, but with all the craziness going on these days, someone should keep a cool head.
So she does. She is the Iron Gates, after all.
She is startled back to reality by the shrill ringing of her cell phone. Looks like her waiting is finally over.
"Gates!"
She falls silent, listening intently to the voice on the other end, afraid to miss anything – even the smallest detail could be important.
"Yes, that's right. Are you sure? Then – how long could you keep an eye on it? Ok, thank you, Officer."
Now, that sounds absolutely crazy, but it makes perfect sense.
Oh, the writer would definitely love that. Would go beside himself, dealing with all these fake husbands, black SUVs and former CIA agents.
May be even base another book on it.
She hates to admit this, but she would be the first in the line to buy it.
Now, enough of this nonsense. She has another phone call to make.
"Elizabeth? This is Victoria. I know the timing is probably wrong, but I really need your help now."
She hangs up and lets herself sigh with relief, the tension of the past weeks taking its toll. Oh, God, this old couch has never looked more appealing…
Ugh.
Sounds like she is not getting sleep tonight.
She can distinguish two voices in the bullpen, the volume gradually rising to the level of a high-pitched scream.
"I don't need your pep talk, Beckett! Either find him, or just admit that he is dead!"
"Alexis, I -"
"Don't! Just -don't." It's more of a whisper now, a strangled hiss. "You still have nothing. Nothing. So don't make the promises, you can't keep.
"Alexis, please - !"
But the girl just shakes her head, turns around and walks away, the clicking of her heels echoing off the walls of the empty bullpen.
"Don't make promises you can't keep"
Shit.
The universe has a wicked sense of humor.
His words used to be her comfort, her strength, the only thing that kept her from falling, from giving up. These days, they have been the only thing to push her forward, driving her on and on, no matter how many leads have turned into dead ends or how many times her trust in him has threatened to be shattered completely.
Now they are making her heart scream with pain.
Last time he spoke them, these words about promises, she was trying to save his daughter. She understood him then, was thankful even. Because she knew - she wouldn't forgive herself either.
Hearing the same words coming from his daughter, when they both are desperately trying to find him -
It hurts like hell.
Makes her a traitor in her own eyes.
Because now, after two months, she could easily give up, even though she has already promised not to.
Is she really letting him down?
Him. His family. Herself.
She presses her hands to her face, as if trying to wipe all these nightmares away.
"Kate"
The soft voice of her Captain startles her back to reality.
"Sir?"
She looks so helpless. Fragile. Like she is ready to break any moment. Of course, the last couple of days have been especially tough, not to mention the FBI constantly pressing them for information.
And what happened yesterday in the interrogation? She must be way beyond desperate.
Her exhaustion also shows and not just physical one.
And guilt. Something Gates recognizes from her own experience.
Being torn between moving forward and giving up kind of comes with the job. Feeling guilty for this is usually also in the mix.
In situations like this, she has always managed to find the right words to comfort her co-workers. But this time it's too personal.
This time coffee will have to do.
Beckett accepts it with a tired smile, but the mug never reaches her lips. She is lost in her thoughts once again.
"Why don't you go home, Detective? Get some sleep? You might need your strength in the morning."
Kate shakes her head slowly, suddenly smiling again.
"You know, it may sound strange, a bit crazy even, but staying here helps me a lot these days. It reminds me of him."
She closes her eyes for a moment, before continuing.
"Not that I will ever forget anything, no. I just – I'm so full of doubts right now. So scared of… many things. I don't know, if I'm doing this right, hell - I don't even know what I'm doing! And –"
Her voice breaks, thick with emotion.
"I need him. He is not here, yes, but he would make all of this so much easier."
She lets out a heavy sigh.
"And, I guess, until I see him in person, this place is the closest I can get."
Gates suddenly remembers something and the revelation is equally sweet and heartbreaking.
"Funny. He told almost the same words about you, when…in March."
In March, when he sat on this very chair, almost as broken as his fiancée is now.
Feels like some twisted kind of déjà vu.
"Funny" Kate whispers. "Funny."
They spend a couple of minutes in understanding silence, until Beckett asks, trying to sound casual.
"So, you don't put me off the case, do you?"
Her boss simply shrugs her shoulders.
"No. In fact, I have to agree with McCord – It would be pointless. And much more dangerous."
For everybody.
"What about Matthews?"
"Don't worry about that. After yesterday's encounter, I bet he's more than ready to cooperate. Although, as your boss, I shouldn't approve such methods."
"Sorry."
"Don't be. I'm not saying, I wouldn't do the same."
In the morning. She will tell her in the morning, as soon as Elizabeth calls to confirm her suspicions.
She is going to try, at the very least. And this is her promise.
A/N Thank you so much for reading!Gates is actually one of my favorite Castle characters. In my opinion, she is positioned like some older version of Beckett.
I have a twitter now, so if you'd like to give me an idea for a story, or simply chat about our favorite show - ladyalways47
And special thanks go to CKRose for her constant encouragement.
Only 2 days left! I can't wait.