Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of LotR. I wish I did. If I did, I'd be filthy rich and I wouldn't have to amuse myself by writing silly fanfics. Oh well.

These are just what I think would happen if my friends met the guys from LotR. Very scary, if you ask me.

FIRST MATCH: ALYSSA VERSUS GANDALF

ARENA: OPEN FIELD

3….2…..1…..BEGIN!

There was a sudden flash of light, and Gandalf appeared in the field, having been beamed in by the author.

"What the hell…?" he muttered, brushing off his robe. There was another flash of light, and Alyssa appeared.

"Hello, Gandalf," she cackled somewhat evilly. Gandalf blinked nervously. He took an apprehensive step backwards.

"Who are you?" he asked. Alyssa eyed him with a grin.

"Oh, you'll find out soon enough," she smirked. She cracked her knuckles. "It's glomping time." There was an excited "Ooooh" from the crowd. Gandalf raised an eyebrow.

"Beg your pardon? Glomp?" But Alyssa had already started dashing towards him, arms outstretched. "Holy s***!" Gandalf yelled, taking off in the other direction. He didn't stop to look back. After a while, when he figured he had probably outrun her, he stopped to take a breather. But all of a sudden, she popped up from behind a random bush.

"GANDALF!" she shrieked, leaping at him.

"Aw, crap!" Gandalf whined, and fled. This went on for quite a while, with Alyssa unexplainably appearing behind random objects. Finally Gandalf collapsed onto the grass, panting heavily. Alyssa stood over him, hands on her hips, frowning.

"Get up, you senile old fool," she snapped, poking him with her foot. He just groaned. "Don't make me sit on you." With news of this new threat, he jumped to his feet. He spread his arms.

"Fine. I don't care anymore. Glomp me all you want. I give up." He whimpered. "I just want to go home." Alyssa rolled her eyes.

"No way. You're no fun now. I forfeit. You win." She tossed her hair and stomped off, annoyed. Gandalf blinked in surprise.

"Win? Win what?" he asked, puzzled. One of the producers walked over to him.

"The match," the producer hissed, "she forfeit that match, so you go on to the next round."

"Round? What round? What are you dolts talking about?" he cried as studio execs dragged him out of the arena.

WINNER: GANDALF

NEXT MATCH: AMANDA VERSUS LEGOLAS