Author's Note:
I know the idea of Blaine singing this song has been around for a bit, and there have been talks of a S3 sex riot, so why not? And of course Puck wouldn't be okay with Blaine taking over as Glee club stud.
So maybe their song choice wasn't the best. But really, what did Figgins expect? Their track record for assemblies hasn't been exactly the best. Especially when Mr. Shue was out for the week and Miss Holiday was their sub for Glee club.
"So guys and girls, Figgins wants you to perform at the Welcome Back assembly. Any ideas?" Miss Holiday asked the class as soon as she walked in.
Rachel's hand shot up immediately.
"How about Seasons of Love from Rent?" she asked.
Santana interrupted her midway and said, "Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off by Panic at the Disco."
Murmurs were heard throughout the room as Miss Holiday thought about it.
"Pushing the envelope. I like it. You just have to censor some words. Solo?" she remarked.
"Puckasaurus got this," Puck said as he stood up.
"Not so fast. I was thinking our newest member should sing it," Santana said.
"Wha-" Puck started.
"Look. We need someone hot to sing this. As hot as you may be Puckerman, you knocked Quinn up and that lost you some badassness. And we all know Blaine here had the guts to sing that song about sex toys to the guy at the Gap, so his badassness is greater than yours," Santana explained. "Plus, look at him. He's hot."
"Santana, I'm not so sure that I should do this…" Blaine said, blushing.
"You'll be fine Blainey boy," she said.
Blaine looked around the room. He seemed to be getting a lot of encouraging smiles, especially from the girls. Kurt just looked smug.
"Fine. But what if I split it with Puck?" he suggested.
The rest of the Glee club minus Kurt nodded.
Kurt was too caught up in his thoughts to nod. Because that song. And Blaine. Hot damn.
"Are you nervous?" Kurt asked.
"Yes. Don't judge me," was his reply.
"You'll do fine. You're adorable. And remember, courage Blaine."
Blaine started to sing while the curtains opened, revealing New Directions to the student body.
Is it still me that makes you sweat?
Am I who you think about in bed?
When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?
Blaine sang as he worked his way from the back of the group to be front and center.
Then think of what you did
And how I hope to God he was worth it.
Puck stepped forward and started to sing. When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch his skin.
I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better f…
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Blaine sang, looking around the gym to gauge the crowd's reaction.
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?
No, no, no, you know it will always just be mePuck sang the next part of the song almost daring people to question him.
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
Blaine and Puck sang together looking at each other.
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
The rest of the Glee club joined in on the chorus, with somewhat provocative choreography.
So I guess we're back to us, oh cameraman, swing the focus
In case I lost my train of thought, where was it that we last left off?
(Let's pick up, pick up)
Puck sang as he danced at the front of the stage.
Oh now I do recall, we were just getting to the part
Where the shock sets in, and the stomach acid finds a new way to make you get sick.
Blaine was starting to relax into the performance as he saw the crowd cheering. I hope you didn't expect that you'd get all of the attention.
Now let's not get selfish
Did you really think I'd let you kill this chorus?
Puck sang this at Blaine, and he only meant it a little bit.
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
Puck and Blaine sang So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
Everyone else joined in on the chorus, Blaine and Puck stepping back into the group.
Dance to this beat
Dance to this beat
Dance to this beat
Blaine and Puck alternated, focusing on Brittany and Mike who had taken the center of the stage with a short bit of difficult choreography.
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster
They all looked back out to the audience as Puck and Blaine turned to each other to sing.
I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better f…
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Blaine sang glancing at Kurt who in turn gave him a wink. Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me
Puck looked to Rachel as he sang, frowning slightly when he noticed her staring at Finn. Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
Blaine and Puck sang out to the crowd.
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls, the girls sang
Dance to this beat, Blaine sang
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls, the guys sang
Dance to this beat, Puck sang
And hold a lover close
Lets get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster
Blaine finished the song to a loud roar from the other students.
While they were performing, Holly watched the reactions of Figgins and Sue. She hoped they weren't pushing things too far with this performance.
Figgins had a look of indifference that turned into a frown as the song went on, which she expected, but Sue's reaction was completely unexpected.
Will had warned her about what Sue did during a previous assembly performance, so she was prepared to confront and distract Sue if need be. But, during the performance she saw Sue staring at Blaine with a thoughtful look.
She could have sworn she saw her say, "I've got to get him on the Cheerios."
After their performance, they were all called in to Figgins' office.
"That was not the most appropriate song choice," he said to them sternly. "All of you will have detention for a week."
They all groaned as the filed out of his office.
"And Miss Holiday, I expect that next time you'll assure that they choose a more appropriate song," Figgins said.
"Of course."