there is nothing but us
by jane hidell
[The more I think about it, the more intrigued I am by the relationship between Dr. Octavius and the tentacles he created (and really, wasn't the wonder of that little invention kind of glazed over in favor of the whole "homemade sun" thing? ). And so here is a little vignette I have written of an early "discussion" between father and children. And of course, the characters aren't mine, I just manipulate them with my thoughts.
Hmm…]
Night had fallen, and in the seclusion of the old pier he was able to do without the sunglasses. He could see moonlight reflected in the tentacles, which swayed slightly in midair, he guessed for want of anything else to do.
He wondered if the day's events would have driven him crazy if not for them. For it seemed like there was something…
No Father, it is not just because of us. You are a great man. Your mind perseveres because of its strength.
But there's something I'm forgetting.
There is nothing but us.
But they were lying to him, and he knew it. There was something they were actively preventing him from thinking about; he had felt it since the hospital. His mind would start to drift towards it, but before he could remember they would distract him. Now, in the silence of the night, it was easier to concentrate his thoughts.
Father, we only want you to be happy.
Quiet. Let me think.
But if you think unhappy thoughts—
"Rosie," he said softly. Oh God.
We are only trying to protect you, Father.
"Get out of my head," he said futilely.
We cannot.
And you need us.
You can't control what I think about.
We do not want you to think of unhappy things, Father. It is not good.
"Unhappy" was a bit of an understatement. There had literally been two things in Octavius's world, and they were both gone. Lost to him forever.
No Father not forever.
But the voices were in the background now, as he thought back on his life with Rosie. The damn project he could have done without, but not her. Not her…
He thought about how she…uh, she—
Damn it! I've lost the woman I love and you cannot stop me from--
But we love you, Father. You must not be upset.
"You know nothing of love," he said quietly.
The tentacles all faced him now, with what he supposed was curiosity. Teach us then, they said. If this "love" is so important, teach us of it.
He stared into their red eyes, feeling more and more of his sanity slip away by the second. You can't teach love. You just…know it when you feel it.
When do you feel it?
When you think about the person you love.
They briefly considered this rather tautological statement. We do not fully understand, Father. But we…feel…that we love you.
Then let me have my thoughts.
They hovered for a moment, then lowered themselves in acquiescence.
He felt them lower the barrier in his mind, and suddenly he was on campus that day—when he first saw her, her nose buried in a book. He was struck by her, in the way it's only supposed to happen in the movies. Before he could reconsider, he had walked over and— Then on their first date, and she was so open about her feelings and opinions and he was already in love—
And their first kiss—
And her wedding dress—
The tentacles shivered slightly, affected by Octavius's feelings but forcing themselves not to interfere. They watched his thoughts as people might watch a movie, trying to glean more understanding.
What happened next, however, convinced them that they were right to have kept these thoughts from him. He would one day admit that they were right, and he would be proud of them.
For as his thoughts inevitably came around to that morning, when he heard her scream…and he turned and…the glass—
Finally the tears came, and they hurt his damaged eyes so much he cried out in pain. And now that he had started crying he couldn't stop, and the pain in his eyes and heart made him howl in anguish.
Alarmed, the tentacles instinctively wrapped themselves around him, the only way they knew to protect him. Just like they had protected him from the glass that had killed the woman.
Father please, you are worrying us. We do not know what to do.
But he wasn't listening to them, lost in the hell he had created.
Father STOP IT!!!
He opened his tortured eyes and momentarily thought he had gone completely blind, wrapped as he was in the tentacles' cocoon.
We apologize for shouting at you, Father.
Please do not be mad.
But it is not your fault! You have created greatness! You have created us!
At the cost of what I loved more than anything in the world.
Having seen through his memory what occurred in the lab, the tentacles innocently offered their opinion. She should have left, Father. She should not have still been— "NO!!!" Octavius roared. The tentacles telescoped into themselves in fear at his sudden rage. "Never speak of her like that! She loved me, damn it! She…"Utterly defeated, he buried his face in his hands. When someone you love is in trouble, you don't leave them…even if it costs you your life.
They considered this. We…think we understand better. We are sorry.
But we cannot let these thoughts distract you.
Distract me? he thought bitterly. From what?
We still have work to do, Father. You created us for a reason, and it is up to us to see that your work continues.
But I was wrong. It was all wrong. I miscalculated, and it's all over.
No, you were right. Others interfered. But here we can work alone.
We cannot give you back your love.
But we can give you back your dream.
"Yes…I knew I was right…" Maybe he—they---could make it work. And really, it was too important a project to give up on…
Let us help you, Father.
Let us make you proud.
You have us now.
We are all you need.