A/N: Hello People!!! Yes this is the repost of Help Me, Help Me Move On!! I'm sorry it's taken me so long to return to this story but let's leave the past in the past and move on to the bright future finished stories!
DISCLAIMER: I absolutely do not own Harry Potter; I do however claim my OC.
Help Me, Help Me Move On
Chapter One: A Day in the Outside World
When you are left all alone in a frail picnic basket on top of the stairs to probably one of the worst orphanages in London you can't help but wonder about how you got there in the first place. What circumstances (with the exception of death) would drive a parent to leaving their newborn child to be an unwanted ward of the country? Did they ever want me at all? If so, then what changed? I had long ago given up hope that any of my questions would ever be answered. Instead, the endless amount of unanswered questions pointed me towards the only things I'd ever known: cold, empty indifference and a numb heart. Only a few people had ever shown me different, one of which I would be seeing later today, a prospect that didn't exactly make me jump for joy. But what does that matter?
"Amber!" screeched the crow-like voice of "The Warden," as the children residing in the orphanage liked to call her. I chose not to respond as that may or may not have resulted in gruesome consequences. It was better that way, sometimes at least. If you don't speak, then you can't say the wrong thing. At this point, though, it didn't matter if I voiced my thoughts or not; I'd soon be going back to school anyhow and by the time the year was up, I'd be too old to return to this old hell house.
"Amber!" The Warden shrieked again, her voice full of annoyance at my slow start. "Get up and get dressed right this minute! Some school official is here to take you to collect your school stuff!" Oh joy. I get one day to go out and about out side of school and I get to spend it by buying stuff for school. Don't get me wrong, I love my school, but I'd much rather go out flying or something along those lives. After she had shouted up to me, The Warden had stomped off to go and deal with the other children, leaving me to a rare and much preferred silence.
After relishing this rare moment of peace, I got up and slowly made my way to the bathroom. I looked into the cracked, streaked, and spotted mirror in the once white room and did not like what I saw. I never did. I saw a seventeen year old girl, both skinny and short for her age. Her black hair was full of tangles and reached down to her elbows. Her skin was much to pale, as if she had bleached all the color from it, except for the dark circles that rimmed her hazel eyes.
I sighed, a tired and sad sigh, and started brushing my hair to the best of my ability, pulling it up into a messy bun. I brushed my teeth, though the dirty water that came out of the rusted old faucet couldn't be of much help. I pulled on my old blue jeans and faded black shirt and, once again, surveyed my appearance. It was better, but I still wasn't much to look at. Oh well, this was me, and I had to deal with that.
As I walked into the front hallway, I saw The Warden was standing there, in all her shabby unglory, next to Professor Albus Dumbledore, who really was extraordinary. At a glance, you'd think he was just another strangely dressed, weird old guy with quite the statement making beard, definitely not a threat to anyone. Upon closer inspection, though, you could see those twinkling blue eyes that seeped to pierce right through you, knowing your every thought. If you stepped closer, you would be able to feel his palpable aura of power and authority, but there was also an inexplicable safety you couldn't help but feel.
"I take it you are ready Miss Thomas?" he asked in that infuriatingly calm voice. How could it be that he never raised it, never seemed to infuse it with anything other than kindness and caring?
"As ready as I can get," I responded indifferently. He smiled his strange smile, eyes twinkling as always, and gestured toward the door. He gave a swift, but of course polite, nod to The Warden and walked out, leaving the door slightly ajar. I followed, not acknowledging The Warden's presence as I passed her. I had enough of her as it is without adding unnecessary good-byes void of emotion or meaning.
As we walked down the familiar streets of London, only familiar due to our yearly trip, I couldn't help but notice, as I always did, how oblivious the muggles seemed to the magic around them. Any time I saw a witch or wizard on these streets they stood out. Among all the "normalcy" there were those with tall and pointed hats, boils on their faces; goblins ugly and so very short all heading to the little pub, The Leaky Cauldron. Muggles rushed past the place as if it was invisible to them, and maybe it was. Sometimes I think if they slowed down a little bit, muggles would know in an instant about my world, and then where would we be?
Inside the pub it was dark, stuffy, and, as usual, filled with a strange mix of witches and wizards from distant countries. I was pretty sure I even saw a hag, something not seen every day, even in the wizarding world. When Tom, the kind but toothless bar tender, spotted us he only gave a polite nod and a smile towards Dumbledore. He never asked the old professor if he wanted a drink, at least not in my company. Dumbledore never drank anything but butterbeer around me, maybe so as to not encourage alcohol or maybe because of preference-not that I was going to ask. Even so, the thought of him trying to influence me, or not in this case, made me just a little bit angry. Who was he to think I needed a role model?
We made our way through the crowd and too the back albeit with difficulty. Dumbledore was quite popular as one of the most brilliant minds and wizards of our time (not that I'd let him know that's what I thought of him). It seemed as if everyone wanted to stop and have a short conversation with him, but he was practiced in the art of diversion and it was those skills that finally let us arrive at the brick wall that was the division between the muggle world and Diagon Alley. A tap here and a tap there made the wall recede in on itself and suddenly witches and wizards of all ages appeared before us, going in and out of the various shops that seemed to stretch on forever.
"Where would you like to go first Miss Thomas?" Dumbledore asked me courteously.
Even though I knew he already had the answer to his question, I answered him anyway. "I guess we should go to Flourish and Blotts first and get my books." I always wanted to go and get my books first, as there were always so many of them it was just the practical thing to do. I thought it was a nice gesture that he asked, but it also annoyed me. Why ask a question you already know the answer to?
He nodded at me, smiling at my answer, or so I presumed. One could never know what was on his mind or what made him smile, though I tried often. As we made our way to the best book store in this or any other alley, I looked around at my surroundings, getting my fill of the outside world while I could. The younger witches and wizards were all with there rather tired looking parents, dragging them to this shop and that shop begging for some extra magical item or another. The older ones seemed in no better control of themselves, but they were without parents or, at least, had sent their parents off so as to appear to be grown up enough to be left alone.
Finally we reached our destination, which seemed even more crowded than the street outside, if that were possible. The place was teaming with people asking for this book or that book and which book was really the BEST for this particular subject. I tended to just stick with the list and started browsing the shelves upon shelves of books for the ones I needed. Dumbledore, already knowing which books I needed, of course, went to go and see which ones he could find so as to shorten the process.
I had just found the book I needed for potions when the bell above the door jingled, signaling the arrival of yet MORE people. If anyone else walks into this place it's going to explode, looking over at the door to see who was brave enough to shut themselves in with so many others. I recognized them all at once and was surprised to see the shop still standing after they had been there for only the few seconds that they had been. The Marauders. All I wanted to do was disappear. Why did they have to show up now? James Potter, with his stupid arrogant smile and egotistical attitude that overwhelmed even the most calm and level headed of people; Peter Pettigrew, looking as surprised as ever to be in what was considered to be the "coolest" of gangs at Hogwarts; Remus Lupin, smart but all the same part of the group (though he at least was tolerable); last, and probably most annoying of all, Sirius Black. He was much worse than Potter, his reputation as a womanizer and trouble maker was so widespread that it was rumored that he was feared at schools in completely different countries. This fact however, did not stop girls from being used by him-there was practically a line and waiting list just to go out on one date with him even though most knew it would only end in heartbreak.
They were being loud, as always, and talking about quiditch, which was never a surprise. On the field and off, they only ever thought of girls, pranks, and quiditch. I would know because I was on the quiditch team with both of them. Of course Potter was captain, how he managed that I'll never know. Granted, he was a good seeker, but still. Captains were supposed to be accountable, and Potter was anything but. Black was one of our beaters. Every once in a while I find myself hoping that maybe one of them will wind up knocking him upside the head, causing a severe brain scramble that somehow makes him have more common sense. So far, I've had no luck in that department but….who knows. As for me, I'm one of our three chasers and the best on the team. Only grudgingly had Potter admitted that he was the best chaser he'd ever seen and that it was only right that I play on his team. I still hold the record for most goals in a single season.
Black leaned over and whispered something in Potter's ear. They started walking toward me. Regrettably, because of my position on the quiditch team, I had to spend a lot of time with them at school. Spending time with them outside of school was definitely not on my agenda. Unfortunately, my agenda was of no concern to them as they continued to approach.
"Hey Amber, how was your summer?" Black asked, what everyone else would think a charming smile on his lips. I had to fight the urge to role my eyes at this spectacle. Sirius Black cared for no one but The Marauders and himself.
"Yeah, how are the family and what not?" Potter asked. Try as I might have, I couldn't help the spasm of pain that went across my face. Quickly, I masked my face into my emotionless fall back expression. They didn't know that I didn't have a family, that I lived in the orphanage. Potter looked at me with first surprise, then concern, but I had changed my expression so quickly so that he wouldn't be able to ask any questions. Thankfully it worked.
"Umm, it was pretty boring actually. I never even got a chance to fly," I replied, trying hard to make it sound like I really was complaining. To me, it sounded as if I was trying to hard, but there was enough genuine disappointment at my lack of flying time that they, luckily, didn't suspect anything and even appeared a little sympathetic. Maybe only I had heard the edge in my voice.
"That's too bad," Black stated. As if he cared, he probably had the greatest summer of his life full of flying and pranks and hanging out with the rest of the Marauders while all I'd had was The Warden and a bunch of screaming kids.
"Yeah, but you'll get plenty of flying in once we get back to school," Potter reassured excitedly. "I've got this new training schedule that will gain us more field time!"
"Oh Joy, can't wait," Black muttered sarcastically so that only I could hear him. From that I gathered that he'd seen the new schedule and was not to happy about it. This made me only a little wary as I couldn't wait to get back in the air.
"I can't wait to get back in the air," I said out loud. This time, even I could hear not one false note in my voice. I loved flying; it was the best feeling in the world. Flying was the one thing that I could do really, really well. In the air was the only place I felt special. True, I was a good student, but not exceptional. While playing quiditch, I was incomparable-not to sound conceded or anything.
Just then, Professor Dumbledore showed up with a bag full of books and a receipt. I felt bad for making him find all of my books but I'd been so distracted. He smiled at me understandingly and I, yet again, had the feeling that he knew what was going through my mind. I gave him a slightly apologetic look back, but turned my head before anyone else could notice. He nodded at Potter and Black, though they didn't see it because they were both of them looking down at there feet. Though they feared nothing, even punishment, they respected the Headmaster.
"Hello Mr. Potter, Mr. Black," he said cordially. "I trust you had a nice summer?"
"Yes Sir," Potter responded, looking wary but still smiling brightly at the professor. I couldn't tell you how many times those two had been sent to see Dumbledore for one transgression or the other. Sometimes, I'd even been dragged along with them, though I assure you I'd never had anything to do with their escapades of stupidity.
"I'd like to stay and chat boys but this shop seems rather over crowded and, by the looks of it, you all still need to do a little shopping. Come along Miss Thomas," Dumbledore said smoothly as he started making his way toward the door, leaving me no choice but to follow behind him just as a wave of fresh customers walked through the door.
It was a painstaking process to get all of my supplies, as it was every year, but eventually we finished. As usual, I wasn't quite sure how we'd managed to get everything on my list. I wound up with books for all my courses, all the potion ingredients I'd been running short on, new parchment, a few new quills, and new scales. Even with the time it took to get all of that, we still had time to tailor my robes a bit, as they had become much too big for me. Now, all that was left to do was pack it all in the trunk underneath my bed.
Exhausted, at least in my case, we arrived back at the Leaky Cauldron just in time for a late lunch. At some point, Dumbledore and I had established a lunch tradition on our school supplies outings. After a few years, he realized that I always ordered the same thing and so didn't bother to ask when he ordered my chicken strips and french fries. We sat in silence while we waited for our food, ate in silence after our food had arrived and left in silence when all our food was gone, just as we had mostly shopped in silence. The great thing about being with Professor Dumbledore was that when it was obvious that silence is what you wanted, it was silence that you got. Maybe he was trying to prove something by our lack of conversation, or maybe he just wanted me to feel comfortable. Even so, I'm sure he'd be asking questions the next opportunity he got. After all, such a curious man could only be kept at bay for so long.
All too soon it was time to go back to the orphanage. Even if my time outside it was spent doing stuff for school, I would still miss the freedom that came with the outside world. It really was very nice out that day, but The Warden didn't believe in fresh air and just being outside. Nice days meant nothing to her, so I relished the rest of the time I had outside. As I walked up the steps to the door, I turned back to look at the street, the people, the sky and then to my Professor. For one second, I saw pity in his eyes, the next he had disappeared with a crack, leaving me nothing but my memories of that day, my one day of summer in the outside world and The Warden and her sharp, crow like voice screaming at me to do this and do that.
A/N: So, what do you think? I hope you will let me know in a review! The Second Chapter will be on its way soon!! I'd like to thank all of you who gave this story, and me, a second chance!! Again, please review!