Author's note:
This is a companion piece to 'Just Once'. Basically it's the same story, told from Belle's POV. The stories can be read separately.
She knew he was asleep now. He was still holding her close, but his grasp was softer, his body completely relaxed underneath hers. She lay half-sprawled over his chest, her head resting on his shoulder, his arms securely around her waist, their legs entangled. Her hand was placed over his heart and she felt the slow, steady beat underneath her fingertips, such a sharp contrast from the way it had been racing earlier. Raising her eyes she could just make out the slight trace of stubble on his chin and unable to resist, she tipped her head back and placed a soft kiss just underneath his jaw. He mumbled something unintelligible in his sleep, his lips curving into a smile as he pulled her closer and she snuggled happily against him.
She couldn't believe he was in her bed and that she was in his arms and that he loved her as much as she loved him.
Her one-sided infatuation with the town's notorious pawnbroker had been a source of frustration to her for months. She simply didn't do head-over-heels crushes or love-at-first-sight falling for man. At least not until he came along.
Not until she'd wandered into his shop one afternoon, a few weeks after she'd come to Storybrooke and spend a good twenty minutes gawking at his rare book collection. He'd let her be as she browsed shelf after shelf and occasionally squeaked in delight as she found another special edition of one of her favorite books.
Eventually she had made it over to the counter, carrying three books she simply couldn't leave behind and they'd chatted for a while. She'd thought him nice, if not a little reserved, with an accent that made her stomach flutter.
She'd been attracted to him right from the start.
And even as she'd quickly learned of his fearsome reputation in town, she'd never quite been able to squash down the rush of feelings she felt every time she saw him. 'It's just a silly crush,' she'd told herself over and over again. 'He's exactly your type and that's why you're in love with the idea of it.'. But no amount of reasoning with herself could convince her stupid, treacherous heart, that clenched with excitement every time she saw him. She knew he was resented for his money and his influence, she knew he was impatient and often bad-tempered, but around her he was polite and… interesting… He had more to say for himself that most of the other people she'd met so far.
He was the adventure she'd longed for all her life. She treasured their occasional meetings across town and their impromptu conversations when he came to the library.
Sometimes, during their brief chats the thought occurred to her that he was just horribly lonely. For all his snark and sarcasm, for all his attitude and impressiveness, there was a hint of sadness about him and she'd often had to control the urge to just reach out and touch him.
Running into him at the Rabbit's Hole that evening had taken her completely by surprise. She knew he wasn't a fan of the establishment and later on she'd learned he'd only come in to conduct some business with the owner. By that time she was sitting by herself at the bar, her friend Ariel long having disappeared with some handsome guy, effectively putting an end to their girl's night out.
She didn't particularly begrudge Ariel her romance - she happened to know her friend had set her caps on the hunky fisherman for some time now - but she was rather relieved when he'd initiated a conversation.
She'd been thrilled to discover that he wasn't in any hurry to leave and finally summoned the courage to suggest they sit down at one of the small tables.
He'd ordered them a bottle of Merlot and from there on the conversation and wine had flowed. She'd always enjoyed their talks, but after the first glass of wine he winded down somewhat and their conversation became rather animated.
Up until a few years ago he had travelled regularly and she'd hung onto his every word as he told her about Europe, Asia and every other exotic place he'd visited. He hadn't only been there, he'd really seen it and his tales send her heart racing.
And then there was that small smile playing along the corners of his mouth, the smile that made the lines around his eyes crinkle. His deep brown eyes that never left her face for a second all evening. His stare that started a heat in the pit of her stomach and quickly spread all through her body, making her pulse quicken.
He had insisted on walking her home and the offer had touched her deeply. She was used to fending for herself, to being overlooked. 'Belle will be fine, she can take care of herself!' She'd heard it on numerous occasions since her early childhood and she'd believed it herself. But here he was, making it his business to ensure that she got home safely and it felt wonderful.
She'd also reasoned that a walk in the cold night's air might be just the thing she needed to cool down her over-active imagination and curb the thrill of anticipation she'd felt all night. Just a coincidental meeting, she kept telling herself. He was hardly going to make a move on a woman who was twenty years younger than he was and who's biggest achievement was the fact that she'd read a lot. If she didn't get her head out of the clouds soon she was going to do something unforgivably stupid, like blurting out that she thought that his voice was the sexiest thing she'd ever heard.
She could just picture his horrified expression at that.
She needed to get a grip and to stop blushing like bloody teenager every time his hand grazed her lower back as they crossed a street.
By the time they'd reached the library she was still lecturing herself inwardly and it wasn't until his hand cradled her face that she'd realized how close he was. And how his eyes burned into hers, his gaze darker and more intense than ever.
And then his lips were on hers and everything inside her head just went quiet. His kiss was warm and determined and before she truly realized what was happening or could even think of beginning to respond, he pulled back.
He held her gaze for a few seconds longer and then his shoulders slumped a fraction and he bowed his head.
Purely on reflex she opened the door, never taking her eyes off the man in front of her. When he started to shift his weight towards his cane, a sure sign that he was about to walk away, she simply gave in to the impulse.
Reaching out she grasped his hand and pulled him inside. The shock of her actions threw him off balance and he stumbled behind her, his body softly colliding with her as she stopped after a few feet and wrapped her arms around him before her courage failed her. She kissed him this time, her lips haltingly moving over his until she plucked up the nerve to run her tongue over his lower lip, feeling her belly flood with relief when his lips parted.
She brought her hands up to his hair, threading her fingers through the silky locks like she'd wanted to do so many times before and was thrilled to discover that his hair was as soft as she'd fantasized it would be.
Tugging him along with her, she led him to the stairs up to her apartment, determined to see it through. If he wasn't averse to her advances, if he didn't outright tell her he wasn't interested, she wasn't going to let go. Halfway up the stairs she had to pause for a minute though. Partly because her knees were turning into jelly and partly because she couldn't muster the limb coordination to be walking and getting him out of his coat and suit jacket simultaneously.
Eventually they made it to her bedroom somehow and a herd of butterflies was doing summersaults in her stomach by then. His hands were on her hips, his thumbs softly, tantalizing rubbing circles on the smooth fabric of the pencil skirt she was wearing and he was unhurriedly responsive to her kiss. She was relatively sure he wanted this, wanted her, but his rather passive reaction made her hesitant in return, her confidence, or rather her spur-of-the-moment forwardness faltering with every second that passed.
And then, just as her insides clenched with nerves and impending humiliation he suddenly moved, crushing her to him and taking control of the kiss, his mouth claiming hers with an intensity that left her breathless. She curled into him as his arms wrapped around her, pulling her close against his chest, his hands frantically moving over her body, mapping it out and his tongue sweeping though her mouth. Suddenly her sweater, the blouse she wore underneath and her skirt were gone and the two of them all but tumbled into her bed.
Just as she started to feel light-headed and slightly overwhelmed by the speed of it all he slowed down, his kiss turning slow and sensual as he explored every corner of her mouth, one hand softly trailing over her body, his other buried into her hair, slowly twisting strands of her hair around his fingers.
For a moment he pulled back, their gazes locking and her heart started to race at the raw look of desire and longing in his dark eyes. Then his lips found her neck, trailing a hot path of kisses and nibbles towards her collarbone. From there on he started to remove the layers of clothing that were separating her skin from his lips and he thoroughly caressed and kissed every bit of skin he revealed, until she was trembling underneath him.
It had never been like this, this intense, this full of feeling. She'd never felt safe enough to completely surrender to anyone, but here she was, clinging to him, feeling like she'd never be able to get close enough to him unless she crawled into his very skin.
She barely dared to believe it was real, that the man she'd harbored a hopeless crush on for so long was here with her and was making her body hum with desire with just his hands and lips.
She couldn't help but whisper his name over and over again, just something to make it real, to confirm that he was here with her.
And at the height of it, she wrapped her legs around him to keep him close, her hands in his hair to hold him to her as he breathed loving nothingness in her ear.
Afterwards she drifted off into a light sleep for a while and she woke to his fingers tenderly stroking her arms and hair, their bodies still pressed close together. For a long moment, she couldn't figure out what was happening and then she realized she must still be dreaming. A blissful, almost painfully realistic fantasy that she was going to hold on to for a bit longer. Turning in his arms, she kissed his lips, happily losing herself to her dream.
And then he gathered her in his arms once again, rolling on top of her as his mouth found hers in a bruising kiss, making her realize this was all very, very real. She ached into him then, moaning helplessly as he licked and nibbled on the sensitive skin of her neck. She was burning, heat sweeping through her body, setting every single one of her nerve-endings on fire and she didn't think anything in the world could make her feel this complete, this much cared for.
Until his lips paused from kissing her just underneath her collarbone and he spoke, his voice low and hoarse with passion.
"I love you."
She gasped, unable to stop herself, the heat and fire exploding in the pit of her stomach, causing her to tingle all over.
Meanwhile he'd gone rigid as a board right above her and she had to tug his head up to make him look at her. It wasn't until she breathed his name in a bewildered, shaking voice that he finally met her eyes and she could have cried at the sad, defeated look he gave her, her eyes filling up with tears at the sight. She could feel him tense up, every muscle in his body clenching.
He hovered over her, carrying his weight on his elbow and carefully tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, causing a lump to form in her throat at the tenderness of the gesture.
And yet, he looked so dejected and broken that her heart ached for him in that moment, only to soar with happiness at his next words:
"I love you, Belle. And I can't bring myself to regret this…"
She sobbed in relief, the tears that had been brimming her eyes all along trickling down across her temples. As a result he only looked more wretched and his shaking hand came up to brush the moisture away.
"Please don't cry, sweetheart…"
The loving endearment wrapped itself around her heart and finally she found her voice back.
"I love you too… I have for ages… I just never thought you were interested in me until last night and then we had such a lovely evening and when you kissed me…"
She was rambling hopelessly, she knew, but it didn't matter, because his dark eyes were widening, lightening up with hope and his lips were slowly turning upwards in a hesitant smile. And then they were kissing again, sloppy, almost giddily and his body sank into hers, all the tension draining out of him.
They made love again, without restraint and full of joy, affirming their love again and again until they were both sated and exhausted and ridiculously happy.
Closing her eyes, Belle drifted off to sleep again, securely held in his arms, finally certain that they were both were they belonged.
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