disc: don't own any of the Harry Potter characters, or the lyrics to Dido's "Here With Me".
warnings: slash
a/n: i always swore i'd never write a song fic, but here one is, so i guess i got that wrong! this is based on my own fic "It's a Fine line Between Love and Hate.", as i was listening to this song the other day, and just thought 'wow, that's so relevant'. sorry, the italics won't work on the second line of the song. grrr. i hope you like it!
He opens his eyes to silence, stillness, solitude.
Alone again.
I didn't hear you leave, I wonder how am I still here.
He didn't feel the gentle kiss, hear the whispered words of love, the door closing.
And now he's all alone, wondering how he remains, when the other is gone.
I don't want to move a thing, it might change my memory.He doesn't move, barely breathes.
He is afraid of losing everything ever given to him, afraid it may just dissolve into nothingness, as the presence that, only an hour ago, shared his bed has.
Memory. Flashes of hair, so soft between his fingers. Eyes, clear, filled with sadness. Hands, arms, holding him. Memory. All that he has left.
Oh I am what I am, I'll do what I want.
"You're their lap dog. They say jump and you ask 'How high?'"
Harry turned, his green eyes glittering with cold anger.
"Rather clichéd for you, Severus."
Severus resisted a very strong urge to shake him. Hard.
"I am not their bloody lap dog," Harry snapped. "I'm just doing what's right."
"No," Severus corrected. "You're doing what they want you to do."
"That's not true!" Harry shouted.
He took a few deep breaths as Severus watched him, eyebrows raised. As detached and impersonal as ever.
When Harry spoke again his voice was soft, face etched with pleading.
"Why can't you see I'm just trying to make it right?"
Severus sighed, trying to fight the emotion that rose in his chest.
"Harry," he said quietly. "You can't make it right for everyone."
"No," Harry agreed fiercely. "But I can try."
They regarded each other in silence, trying to gather their own thoughts and feelings.
"I am what I am," Harry said finally. "I can't change my destiny, no matter how much you, or I want it."
But I can't hide.
"I can't hide, Severus. I won't."
Severus looked at him, and this time could not quite conceal the pain in his heart.
"I know you won't. I always did."
I won't go.
"Ask me to stay," Harry whispered.
Severus wanted to. He wanted to so much.
"You know I can't," he said.
I won't sleep.
He held Harry in his arms, a hand stroking the black hair, aware that it would probably be for the last time.
"You should sleep."
"I will," Harry said.
They both knew he wouldn't.
I can't breathe.
He doesn't move, barely breathes.
Until you're resting here with me.
He stares at the empty bed. Alone again. Waiting. Waiting for someone who may never return.
I won't leave.
"Ask me to stay."
I can't hide.
"I can't hide, Severus. I won't"
I cannot be.
He feels as if a part of him has been ripped away. He wasn't ready. What if the part never returns?
Until you're resting here with me.
Waiting for someone who may never return.
I don't want to call my friends, they might wake me from this dream.
"You should say goodbye to your friends," said Severus, hating himself.
"I already have," Harry replied.
Severus looked at him. "Don't you want to be with them?"
"I want to be with you."
Severus raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure?"
Harry closed the gap between them, resting his head on Severus's chest, listening to his heart.
"I've always been sure."
And I can't leave this bed, risk forgetting all that's been.
And now he's all alone, wondering how he remains, when the other is gone. He is afraid of losing everything ever given to him. Memory. All that he has left.
Oh I am what I am, I'll do what I want.
"It's a war, Severus." Harry snapped in frustration. "People are supposed to fight."
"People, or you?"
"Everyone!" Harry exploded. "Everyone has to fight!"
"But 'everyone' is not expected to win the war single-handedly. Only you"
Harry sat down, closing his eyes wearily.
"Why are you doing this?"
"Because I want you to do things on your own terms, not just because they've decided it's the right thing to do. It should be your decision."
"It is my decision."
"No," Severus replied. "Not if you go like this."
Harry looked at him. Eyes filled with sadness, but clear, determined.
"Maybe the decision's no longer mine to make."
But I can't hide.
"I can't hide, Severus. I won't."
I won't go.
"Ask me to stay."
I won't sleep.
"I will."
I can't breathe.
He doesn't move, barely breathes.
Until you're resting here with me.
Waiting for someone who may never return.
I won't leave.
"Ask me to stay."
I can't hide.
"I can't hide, Severus. I won't"
I cannot be.
He wasn't ready.
Until you're resting here with me.
Waiting for someone who may never return.